I am so sorry if this topic has been posted and I am sorry my topic is covering multiple issues but Subutex is controlling my life and I am realizing I am a shell of my former self and am so low on my script and am horrified to go through withdrawals.
Subutex makes me EXTREMELY tired. Maybe this is a sign I'm on too high a dose. But, I was addicted to fentanyl and Percocet previously so my doctor felt 16mg/day to start was necessary and it absolutely did help.
Suboxone gave me horrendous joint pain so I was switched to Subutex.
I loved it up until recently, as it has devoured my life.
I am fearful to make large outings because I know extreme fatigue will inevitably set in. And, when I get tired, it's essentially the nods; I have literally fallen asleep on the toilet. I'm sorry for the graphic image but that's how sad and pathetic it is.
I'm not any better than I was on opioids; my behavior with Subutex is still considered abuse, as I regularly take them for the buzz I still get.
I am petrified of withdrawal and will be out in two days. Yes, I can get a script refill or I can choose to not go in to see my doctor any longer and save me an IMMENSE amount of money and try to regain some semblance of my life before addiction but am so unbelievably fearful of withdrawal that it makes me nauseous wth anxiety thinking about it.
I want my life back, god damn it. I want to be normal, to look at my friends and family without crushing humiliation that I'm still struggling with this addiction and have only replaced one drug for another and everyone else is so happy and "normal" WITHOUT needing any drugs to get by.
My last question - well, really the only question I've asked so far - is will loperamide, if I take enough of it, truly help me? I'm an addict; I'm not concerned about constipation and I'm very familiar with it, so long as I can somewhat spare myself the pain of withdrawal even if it's just to the point I can get out of bed and spend time with my family without being so desperate that I relapse on something else.
I'm on 12mgs/day currently which is hardly progress in the "tapering" I'm supposed to be doing down from 16. I've done loperamide before but it has been a long time.
What do I need to do? What's the best method of administration - pills or liquid? How MUCH do I need to take?
I appreciate the help and am so very thankful to have found a community of people who know how I feel and with whom I don't have to feel so embarrassed and lonely and shameful around.
Again, I apologize if these topics have been previously posted. I know on Blue Light that seems to be a huge faux pas (am I even spelling that correctly? LOL!) Nonetheless, I am very grateful for the advice and hope so badly I can get my life back. I am overwhelmed with sadness to have ever put myself in this position and wish if I could go back, I would turn down any substance offered to me and skip over all this pain and addiction. I digress and I thank you for your help, advice, opinions, feedback, criticism, what have you!