Sub is destroying my health...and my life

If there is an issue that you really need to discuss, that you feel needs URGENT attention regarding some type of medical/recovery problem, this is the place for it..

Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Sat Oct 29, 2016 7:55 am

Hey Steph, just wanted to say hi. Love to hear an update when you get a chance!
Hope you are doing good!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Sun Nov 06, 2016 9:03 am

Steph,your keep us all in suspense with how your doing....hopefully your in Fiji,treating yourself to a vacation for all the shit you've been through and have no wifi...hopefully...
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:39 pm

Holy crap, you guys!
I'm so sorry for not posting for a while. I guess I am six weeks post sub now and feeling pretty good, all things considered! Fatigue is still there but getting better each day. I've been preoccupied with two bulging disk issues in my neck and lower back that are causing pain, numbness and loss of strength in my arms and hands. Before you ask, I only take Advil, ice treatment, tens unit and topical arnica to deal with pain.

I love being sub free. The freedom from being slave to a dose time(s), and my
Full personality is back. I can laugh again. I feel free to take care medical issues I've put off such as a sleep study.

I even had my parents come over to do home improvements. It's been more than six months. I''m living again.

Thank you guys for helping me. You saved my life and helped me to do the impossible...get off fucking sub.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:09 am

Nice...,welcome to my world with the pain shit but,HELL YEA!!! Lady...you won!!! Good to hear from you...
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Tue Nov 08, 2016 10:21 am

Awesome!

Thank you for updating. It means a lot!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby cheeps » Tue Nov 08, 2016 11:17 am

Back into the real world again....some of that really sucks but you are free and on the other side!! I'm just tickled shitless!! :lol:

Sleep studies are so much fun...I'm looking forward to one myself...gotta update my stuff. Best medical intervention that ever happened to me!



Stephie...I'm so proud of you. Just keep working on one issue at the time. You gotta stay vigilant and not reach for another drug to cover the lack of sub. Don't be afraid to feel emotion...I've come across a therapist that has written a book on emotional neglect. Most of us at some point in our childhoods had this problem where we were loved but ignored. That affects how we deal with emotions as adults. I remember my parents loving me, I know they did but....they ignored me....and I grew up stuffing my emotions because that's the way I got by. I've learned now that it affected me GREATLY.

If anyone' wants more info on this just google Jonice Webb. Very eye opening stuff. Anyways....getting back to ms stephie.....you go girl!! :pash: :cheers: :cheers:
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Tue Nov 08, 2016 11:51 am

Cheeps, I don't know what it is about what you just posted about emotional neglect, man, but it triggered some serious emotional fuckery in my head when reading it. I hate crying but I teared up big time reading that. Something tells me this is something I need to read into and try and heal.

Whoa, serious flashback to my mom's boyfriend who was such a major kid-hating prick. I remember being ten and always eating dinner in the basement alone because he was such a douchbag and I had to avoid him.

Crazy. Sorry steph, not trying to detail your awesome thread! It was just one of those 'what the fuck, am I crying right now?' moments.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:11 pm

CheeZeeAnnDee wrote:Cheeps, I don't know what it is about what you just posted about emotional neglect, man, but it triggered some serious emotional fuckery in my head when reading it. I hate crying but I teared up big time reading that. Something tells me this is something I need to read into and try and heal.

Whoa, serious flashback to my mom's boyfriend who was such a major kid-hating prick. I remember being ten and always eating dinner in the basement alone because he was such a douchbag and I had to avoid him.

Crazy. Sorry steph, not trying to detail your awesome thread! It was just one of those 'what the fuck, am I crying right now?' moments.


No worries, AnnDee! I totally get what you are saying. I was a fat kid who had a larger than life personality and a total ham, and even though I was very kind and harmless, my personality and looks really pissed alot of adults and kids off. I had teachers, girl scout leaders, even church leaders who hated me and singled me out. And of course, my mom was embarrassed of me and let me know what a disappointment I was and how "no man would ever want me" because i had destroyed my body. And then I seemed to be a target for child predators, even though thank god I escaped being abused. So trust me, I get how you feel!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby cheeps » Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:12 pm

I posted an article on emotional neglect in the staying clean section under articles and blurbs. It's a good read. I'm pretty sure stephie doesn't mind emotion in her thread.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Tue Nov 08, 2016 12:28 pm

cheeps wrote:I posted an article on emotional neglect in the staying clean section under articles and blurbs. It's a good read. I'm pretty sure stephie doesn't mind emotion in her thread.


Nope, don't mind one bit, lady! We're all one big happy family anyway. My thread es tu thread!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Tue Nov 08, 2016 6:06 pm

Wow Steph, I am sorry you had rotten adults in your life when you were young. You sound like you were an awesome kid...the kind of kid I wished I was more like when I was young. I was totally shy and insecure and always wanted to be more outgoing.
It is scary how much power an adult has over a child. When I think of the shit my parents said, it baffles me. Gah, I can't dwell on it or I get overwhelmed, but sometimes those memories just come on and flood me.

I can't wait to be off bupe so I can process some of this junk. You are really an inspiration...thank you!

And thanks for posting this stuff Cheeps. I have always known I have some deep rooted issues revolving around childhood crap, but I have a real problem with just pushing them away instead of accepting them and doing the work to deal with them emotionally. For a long time I would have dreams about my mom's old boyfriend, where I would be wailing on him and beating the shit out of him but he was invincible, and then when I woke up I would feel nothing, no hint of anger or anything...like I had some mental block that would come back down when conscious. Talk about a warning sign that there might be something going on there, lol.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Eyedotz » Thu Nov 10, 2016 7:30 am

First off, Steph congrats chick! I can't tell you how great it is to see other successful long term low taper come to the other side! It proves this method can work as long as you have patience and dedication.

The topic about our childhoods peaked my interest...I don't want to invade your thread but I have noticed a shift in my life recently. Up until a couple months ago, I could barely remember most of my childhood. I seemed to only remember traumatic events like injuries, etc...I thought this was normal for me. More recently I've discovered that I have been repressing most of my life. I keep getting flashbacks of things I've forgotten (on purpose?)...it is scary sometimes...Especially the emotional flashbacks. I'm starting to see a correlation between being a child and becoming the adult I am today. I can see the pathways that my character flaws have taken to self-protect. Anyway, point being: I get what you gals are saying. I still can't believe how much of my life's experiences has been covered up by 25 years of drug use. It's no wonder I feel like a stranger in my own skin sometimes.

Have a good day guys!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby cheeps » Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:17 am

Just as you so well put it edotz....our childhoods and sensitivities have much to do with why we self medicate. I have run across some very interesting research and believe the topic has much to do with us.


Check out : www.hsperson.com
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby subster58 » Thu Nov 10, 2016 7:26 pm

Hi Stephie, wow girl, keep on rocking. Congrats on being off subs for 6 weeks. You sure have worked your ass off and been an inspiration to many people. Just wanted to stop by your thread to check on you. So proud of you.
Peace
Tia :thumbup: :clap:
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Sub zero » Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:57 pm

cheeps wrote:Just as you so well put it edotz....our childhoods and sensitivities have much to do with why we self medicate. I have run across some very interesting research and believe the topic has much to do with us.


Check out : http://www.hsperson.com


Interesting stuff cheeps. I looked at the "list" and I think the one that most...and mainly...applies to me is the part about being overwhelmed by bright lights, sounds and other stimuli. I get stressed out easily when I'm "bombarded". I've always been one to avoid crowds and noisy events like concerts and sporting events. I also don't like to go out to places like clubs at night time...crowded, loud music, flashing lights...I always had a hard time unwinding and getting to sleep after going to such places at night. I'm an avoider and prefer quiet activities like reading, or spending time in quiet places like hiking the forest and other peaceful outdoor activities.
If I could go back and do it all over again...I wouldn't

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Don_Pisto » Thu Nov 17, 2016 7:47 pm

Sub zero wrote:
cheeps wrote:Just as you so well put it edotz....our childhoods and sensitivities have much to do with why we self medicate. I have run across some very interesting research and believe the topic has much to do with us.


Check out : http://www.hsperson.com


Interesting stuff cheeps. I looked at the "list" and I think the one that most...and mainly...applies to me is the part about being overwhelmed by bright lights, sounds and other stimuli. I get stressed out easily when I'm "bombarded". I've always been one to avoid crowds and noisy events like concerts and sporting events. I also don't like to go out to places like clubs at night time...crowded, loud music, flashing lights...I always had a hard time unwinding and getting to sleep after going to such places at night. I'm an avoider and prefer quiet activities like reading, or spending time in quiet places like hiking the forest and other peaceful outdoor activities.


Don't mean to hijack Stephanie's thread, but this stuff is near and dear to me. I started developing a lot of those characteristics about 20 years ago and I wound up going through a bunch of psychiatric analysis and being "diagnosed" with a number of disorders and put on medication that made me feel horrible, and to make a long story short, after many many additional Dr appts, tests, interviews and psych docs telling me I needed mind drugs, I got diagnosed by a super smart neurologist Dr that found a physical cause of all these symptoms I was having. I got put on a couple of very simple non mind/mood altering medications and those changed my life. I still have to deal with a very over active startle reflex and a couple other things, but getting properly diagnosed and given a proper medication, I was able to feel lots better. BTW, it was during these times before getting properly diagnosed that I got involved with opiates; they were the only thing that seemed to calm me down.

Because of what I went through during the extensive diagnosis attempts, my opinion is that Psychiatry is largely a bogus medical profession and the drugs these Drs push are done very recklessly and practically all of the drugs state in their documentation that it isn't even known how, or if, they work. Furthermore, physch Drs refer to a little book they have to diagnose disorders. Chances are very real if a normal person goes to see a psychiatrist, he or she will get diagnosed as depressed and be given a prescription for something that isn't understood how or if it will work. I guess the moral to what I'm saying is that often, there are also physical underlying causes which can yield what would normally be considered psychiatric issues.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby cheeps » Fri Nov 18, 2016 3:51 pm

If you don't mind telling us....what seemed to be the answer to the problem? I certainly agree with what you just said....especially my pet peeve concerning depression. Gawd forbid someone report any of the symptoms they now have associated with it. It's an instant diagnosis but there are many physical reasons to have low mood, fatigue, and insomnia....of course those are just a few problems.

Big Pharma control the medical schools and they encourage those students to push their dope. My other pet peeve is watching drug reps in their smart business attire dip into the Dr's office and rapidly push the latest product. Happens all the time.

Sorry Steph....Big Pharma has invaded your thread! We should probably start one elsewhere or dig one up out of the archives.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby subster58 » Tue Nov 22, 2016 8:51 am

Hi Steph, wishing you and your family a Happy Thanks Giving.
Peace
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Tue Dec 20, 2016 9:45 am

How is Steph doing these days.?.?.?
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:37 pm

Steph, I hope you are well! Drop us all a line when you can. Merry Christmas!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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