Sub is destroying my health...and my life

If there is an issue that you really need to discuss, that you feel needs URGENT attention regarding some type of medical/recovery problem, this is the place for it..

Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Don_Pisto » Wed Oct 05, 2016 5:14 pm

Steph1850 wrote: I went thru hell and back for a year and a half to get off of them.

^^^^^^^^^^Never forget this. You sure did go thru hell. You'll never want to go through that again, I'm sure.

It's good you locked up any remaining subs. When I disposed of mine, instead of polluting the ground water, I contaminated the earth's atmosphere, and contributed to global warming, by burning those bitches. It created a lovely toxic cloud, that I dared not breath in, but it was very satisfying to see them go up in flames. It was kind of like a perfect closure to that chapter of my life.

One day at a time.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Wed Oct 05, 2016 8:35 pm

Your making good,rational choices Steph...you know what to do and you will get through this period too.
We're all here listening and pulling for you So as always, no judgement coming from any of us...just take it slow and finish the task at hand...one mountain at a time...
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Thu Oct 06, 2016 12:33 pm

Hey guys, good morning! Thanks Don and Subblind and Cheeps. I read your posts early this morning and they gave me the courage to throw my sub out. Even though I was running super late, I realized I hadn't put the subs in my trash, and it's trash pickup day. I turned the car off, went back in the house, opened the safe (hands shaking), grabbed all the sub, and threw those fuckers in the outside trash. I dug out two old rescue pills in my car, and threw them out too. I have to tell you I really hesitated cause....I don't know why, thinking of the what if scenarios. But I feel really good about my decision and not scared at all. I had enough sub to keep on a low dose for years probably, but now they are gone.

All things considered I feel pretty fucking amazing today. Got good sleep and I definitely look and feel more hydrated, and my face is less swollen, from the decrease in alcohol. At about 5am, my heart pounding woke me up and felt some twinges of anxiety start up. I came really close to reaching for a pill, but I didn't and it went away. That was a victory.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Thu Oct 06, 2016 1:10 pm

Your amazing Steph...,just keep going straight and level...you are getting there,may feel like it's not happening, but it's happening...another day in the bank for you.next thing you know, it'll be thanksgivings and you'll be that far out and these past days will be so forgotten...
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Oct 06, 2016 1:26 pm

Wow! That is huge Steph! You are so strong. The mental image of your shaking hands tossing those subs away is very powerful!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Fri Oct 07, 2016 2:59 pm

Thanks, guys.

I feel pretty good today besides low energy. But my mind is a jumbled mess. Having issues with memory (real bad), comprehension of complex ideas and putting my words together. I swap in weird word like "laughs" instead of "email" in conversation. I remember this from before after detox. I know my brain is trying to heal so I'll just be patient with myself.

Did get much sleep last night. Woke up every 2-3 hours. Will probably sleep better tonight, I'm guessing.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby cheeps » Fri Oct 07, 2016 8:07 pm

Steph1850 wrote:Thanks, guys.

I feel pretty good today besides low energy. But my mind is a jumbled mess. Having issues with memory (real bad), comprehension of complex ideas and putting my words together. I swap in weird word like "laughs" instead of "email" in conversation. I remember this from before after detox. I know my brain is trying to heal so I'll just be patient with myself.

Did get much sleep last night. Woke up every 2-3 hours. Will probably sleep better tonight, I'm guessing.


Boy that brings back crappy memories! :crazy: :crazy: :punchballs:
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Sat Oct 08, 2016 1:54 pm

cheeps wrote:Boy that brings back crappy memories! :crazy: :crazy: :punchballs:


Good one, Cheeps! LOL

Yesterday I was trying to talk about work with some female colleagues and I was struggling so hard to be eloquent that I just aborted the conversation and ended up telling them all this personal shit about past plastic surgeries
Because I have that shit memorized. You know long term vs short term memories. I have no filter!!! It''s kinda funny now that I think about it!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Sun Oct 09, 2016 4:25 pm

How long does this lazy exhausted phase last for?
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Eyedotz » Sun Oct 09, 2016 5:37 pm

2 months...give or take.... but does get better in increments. The more you exercise....the quicker it comes back! The time will pass and you will get there. Daily cat naps help too. Ttys, ~dotz
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Mon Oct 10, 2016 11:53 am

Eyedotz wrote:2 months...give or take.... but does get better in increments. The more you exercise....the quicker it comes back! The time will pass and you will get there. Daily cat naps help too. Ttys, ~dotz


Okay, thanks Eyedotz! It's good to know there a light at the end of the tunnel. Overall, things are better despite my wimpy complaints. I'm already sleeping better. My mood is better and I feel better physically. It's just the lethargy, the ability to cry at a moments notice, memory that are bugging. But I'm so glad to be out of that acute phase!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Don_Pisto » Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:46 pm

Hello Stephanie,

There's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is unique. I started to notice teeny tiny increments of feeling better each day after about 30 days and significantly better at around 90 days. Just keep taking it one day at a time.

One thing that I think helped me in those early post time days was I made it a point to increase my protein intake. If you read some on endorphins, amino acids make up some of the key building blocks. I didn't have much of an appetite so I was taking a protein mix daily. Who knows it it helped, but it kind of makes sense that it would while my body was adjusting to making endorphins again.
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Thu Oct 13, 2016 3:39 am

Don_Pisto wrote:Hello Stephanie,

There's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is unique. I started to notice teeny tiny increments of feeling better each day after about 30 days and significantly better at around 90 days. Just keep taking it one day at a time.

One thing that I think helped me in those early post time days was I made it a point to increase my protein intake. If you read some on endorphins, amino acids make up some of the key building blocks. I didn't have much of an appetite so I was taking a protein mix daily. Who knows it it helped, but it kind of makes sense that it would while my body was adjusting to making endorphins again.


Hey Don Pisto,

You are so right. Even since I wrote that, I am feeling better with each day. My energy level
Is slowly increasing, and I''m forcing myself to move more at work and home. Funny you mention appetite. I thought it was weird that my appetite went way down. I cut dinner out half the week, and switched up heavy fast food lunches with protein heavy sandwiches with lots of veggies and whole wheat bread. I hope my appetite stays away forever because I've lost weight. Still cutting back slowly on alcohol and I don't lean on it as much to sleep because it's so much easier to sleep! Seriously, I feel like a different person! I laugh and I'm funny again and I can think so much better with each day. Being sub free is freaking awesome. Jumping off sucked for a little speck of time, but OMG, it is so worth it!!!!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Thu Oct 13, 2016 4:53 am

Wow....you sound amazing!!! Good for you Steph...keep telling us good things
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Thu Oct 13, 2016 11:42 am

Subblind wrote:Wow....you sound amazing!!! Good for you Steph...keep telling us good things


Thanks, Subblind! I forgot to mention that the brain jumble is A LOT better. Still struggle a little bit with speaking...stringing thoughts together. But writing is so much easier and comprehension is getting so much better.

I know there will be ups and downs....last night I didn't sleep quite as well because I've backed way off on meds to sleep. But my mind just has to adjust to that. I'm just going to roll with the punches. :punchballs: :crazy: :thumbup: :banana:
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby CheeZeeAnnDee » Thu Oct 13, 2016 3:18 pm

oh yeah baby! You are rocking it!
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep them on a leash

Hozier-Arsonist's Lullabye

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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Subblind » Thu Oct 13, 2016 7:02 pm

Keep going Steph,by thanksgiving you'll be fucking golden...set little landmarks for yourself and keep pushing toward them...makes time move faster....
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby subster58 » Sat Oct 15, 2016 5:58 pm

Hi Steph, go girl, you are amazing and kicking subs ass. I remember when you first came to SS. See how far you have come. I'm so proud of you. Just keep banking those days.
Peace
Tia
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby Steph1850 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:23 pm

subster58 wrote:Hi Steph, go girl, you are amazing and kicking subs ass. I remember when you first came to SS. See how far you have come. I'm so proud of you. Just keep banking those days.
Peace
Tia


Ahhh, Tia! I miss you and love you. I'm so glad you posted. You were there for me from day one. Man I was scared!

Just wanted to check in real quick and say that I am doing good. I am still sub free, it'll be a month tomorrow!
My brain scramble is so so so much better. Pulling from short term memory and putting complex sentences together with speech is still a tad tougher, but super way better than the first two weeks.

I think the biggest challenges are fatigue and getting good sleep. It's up and down.

My abilities to laugh and make jokes are back big time, and I feel so free from the shackles of sub. I was putting off doing a lot of things before like travel or getting a sleep study or having an EGD which I am way overdo for. Overall, I'm just super happy I made the jump!
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Re: Sub is destroying my health...and my life

Postby cheeps » Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:15 pm

She wore a teensy weensy, itty bitty, real damn ugly old bikini! Yeah baby....that's what that yella nana wore to the beach...yeah yeah!!

:banana:


That little naner sez...better late than never!!
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