37 days off sub and need some advice

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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby subster58 » Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:26 pm

Hi Brit. cheeps LMAO at your post. Thank you so much :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Really needed to laugh today.
How are you doing Brit? Still having good days? It will be up and down, as cheeps post stated everyone is different. Can't your husband take the subs without injecting since you're off? It's not right for him to have you do it, or get pissed. Your both in totally different places. Just take care of you and keep banking the days. Doesn't matter what he thinks at this point. It is all about you wanting to change your life and live without subs or drugs.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you need support during this time in your life. You're doing a great job, one day at a time. Everyday will be different so just roll with it. You can do this. You are making it!!
Love ya
Tia
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:28 pm

cheeps wrote:Brit, you and Mags are what I consider "jump buddies"...you are pretty close as far as that goes and bluebird will be joining you soon....stay tight together.

I don't usually tell a poster how the mental is going to be because it does affect people differently....sub is a mental fucker though, to the peeps it bothers. It does take about three months for it to let up. brit, I'm really glad you are having better days....such a fucking pisser...but the brain is trying to regroup....it is just temporary....but when the FUCK does it end? :evil: :banghead: Antidepressants help with anxiety but the fucking intrusive depressing thoughts can drive you nuts. The whole AM death wish is the worst for me.

Cravings....yep...the brain is screaming FEED ME YOU BITCH....AAAIIIIEEE! :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: Freddy is a motherfucking cocksucking ass banging lying piece of shit that will laugh all the way to the shitter...if you even get to shit.

Here's the threads....they help distract you and fire up the creative juices.

stages of sub shit kinda go like this

acute wds
the rollercoaster ride
the flat yet anxious bullshit
finding the new normal
is this it?
life is good


viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3039
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3100
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2976
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=1087


Lol goodness that's exactly how I feel my brain is definitely screaming to be fed!!! Sub is definitely a mental fucker! Sometimes I feel like I got this and sometimes my brain decides it just don't wanna fuckin work! I am definitely still in the Rollercoaster part of this yet sometimes I feel like I'm also in the flat yet anxious stage... today... oh lord I've done nothing but sit on damn facebook all day lol and it's such a pretty day but I just can't get moving whatsoever! Oh well i guess thruout life you gotta take the good with the bad and make it work! One of these days I'm totally gonna feel better and I cannot wait!
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:42 pm

subster58 wrote:Hi Brit. cheeps LMAO at your post. Thank you so much :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Really needed to laugh today.
How are you doing Brit? Still having good days? It will be up and down, as cheeps post stated everyone is different. Can't your husband take the subs without injecting since you're off? It's not right for him to have you do it, or get pissed. Your both in totally different places. Just take care of you and keep banking the days. Doesn't matter what he thinks at this point. It is all about you wanting to change your life and live without subs or drugs.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you need support during this time in your life. You're doing a great job, one day at a time. Everyday will be different so just roll with it. You can do this. You are making it!!
Love ya
Tia


I am definitely still having good/bad days... he don't wanna stop taking it that way just to be honest... but I've told him I cannot help him (which works out until he can't run to his friends). I keep trying to remind myself that right now he really just cannot understand what I'm going thru... I've actually lost count of my days!!!!!! In the beginning I kept just trying to make one more day... now I've lost count and would have to add them up :D mornings and the mid day seem to be my worst. If I have to do something and cannot procrastinate then I seem to be able to get my day going pretty well but if I don't HAVE to get moving oh goodness I'll sit in bed til 1pm! Then I can't fall asleep because I stayed in bed so late lol guess I just have to make myself do it :( that's what I have the biggest problem with and nobody seems to understand that lol I'm making it and getting by... guess that's all I really can do!
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby subster58 » Sat Sep 12, 2015 4:44 pm

Hi Brit, the main thing is you are doing it, no matter what your still a fighter to get off the sub train from hell.
You're going to be all over the place as you rid your body of subs and still in the healing process of what you are doing. Emotions will be up and down, you'll feel good, then it will suck again. Give yourself so much credit for not giving up. The situation you're in is tough. Hell it's hard enough to get off subs, but to have someone that you live with still shooting the poison is extremely difficult. So my hats off to you for your determination and fortitude . You are a brave soul. I'd have a real hard time myself if I knew it was inside my house. I had a hard time getting out of bed and many days I didn't. I paid for it dearly. As everyone has already said to be as active as you can. Some days I didn't give a fuck one way or another. Subs are an evil mind fucking drug.
Your getting there and it will get better
Love you
Tia
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Sun Sep 13, 2015 7:46 am

TIA: thanks for the encouraging words... and trust me there are some days I don't get out of bed except for the few things that I gotta do... one thing I hate is I get migraines super bad (they have got somewhat better now that I'm off the subs though) but they put me in bed or the ER and I was getting 15-18 a month but now I'm usually only getting them 3-4 times a month BUT I have to take imitrex which increases the serotonin levels in your brain and I've noticed that when I have to take the meds it usually makes me have a decent day but for a few days after I have really bad days... I'm hoping to get into my PCP soon and see what she thinks about finding a new medicine or if maybe it's just the migraine hangover some people get. Man I was being so active for a few weeks but the last week I just haven't been able to do much I think alot of it was I knew it would help and I haven't really focused on getting better as much as I was when I felt physically bad (that's one thing I like about this site I seem to realize things as I'm typing them haha) I think maybe I should get out of bed and go walk... but then again it's in the 40s here so idk I wanna go out in the cold lol
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby subster58 » Sun Sep 13, 2015 12:30 pm

Hi Brit, 40's, where do you live. I'm happy with a day under 100 degrees. Couple more months will finally be able to open my house up and get the stink out(dog, smoke, grandkids) etc and do some spring cleaning in Nov. lol 40's I'd be frozen. So sorry about the migraines. They do suck. I had them for years but only went to a clinic when I had to get pain med. Luckily I only get about 2=3 a year and the only thing that breaks the cycle is going to sleep.
You have so many and I would see PCP. The hangover is terrible. It's like a night of partying with no fun. lol.
Imitrex seems to help you. I'm not sure what other meds would work. I know they would use Inderal, but that was a very long time ago. If imitrex works why change it. 3-4x a month is terrible as you know it can take a day or two to recover. Plus you are still healing from the subs so it's a double whammy. Does your PCP know about the subs and you have stopped taking them. MD's are ignorant about sub detox in general. My sub MD just told me to cut a small sliver off everyday and you won't have any problems. Fucker started me at 32mg. My fault for not looking up the med until I was so addicted. Wicked headaches and hurling. Oh that is normal??? urghhh.
You were on a high dose of subs for some time so it will take time to heal. Bundle up and take a walk, you'll feel better. Send some of that cool air way down south. lol
Keep banking the days. It will get better. Be kind and loving to yourself.
Love you
Tia
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby cheeps » Sun Sep 13, 2015 1:22 pm

Force yourself to go outside....then you'll feel GREAT when you get back in. Where you at...just a general location.
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby amery2u » Sun Sep 13, 2015 1:30 pm

Britt~

It was 40-degrees here last night/ this am, but I love it! I could never live in FL again, with all that heat & humidity. Like Tia said, bundle up and take a walk, or ride the mower. That's what I've been doing since jumping...mowing. It's doing "something" but not super-physical either. You can still be on your butt, yet see some sense of accomplishment! If you don't have a ride-on mower, then just think, the push-kind is something to lean on, kinda like the buggy in the store, LoL!

Hoping this finds you well, girl.

Hugs,
Anne ;)
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby cheeps » Sun Sep 13, 2015 1:34 pm

amery2u wrote:Britt~

It was 40-degrees here last night/ this am, but I love it! I could never live in FL again, with all that heat & humidity. Like Tia said, bundle up and take a walk, or ride the mower. That's what I've been doing since jumping...mowing. It's doing "something" but not super-physical either. You can still be on your butt, yet see some sense of accomplishment! If you don't have a ride-on mower, then just think, the push-kind is something to lean on, kinda like the buggy in the store, LoL!

Hoping this finds you well, girl.

Hugs,
Anne ;)



Annie may...what is it about mowing...you nailed it....I love it unless its hot as Florida balls! :cheers:
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby Lost Lady » Sun Sep 13, 2015 1:36 pm

Hey everyone,
We had a change of plans...not leaving till tomorrow because the peeps staying in the house we are renting tore it up a bit and we are getting a splendid discount by giving them the extra day to have it ready. So I'm still home. We just spent first fall like morning of the year cleaning up the back yard for fall. Trimming, weeding, pulling up old plants left by the last tenant. We even dug out a planting bed for next year. The temp is in the low 70's there is a slight chill to the steady breeze. I got pelted with tomatoes that never ripened off the vine when the three of us let a tomato fight break out....I ran and laughed and most importantly felt like a person, a wife, and a mom again. Praise God for all of this. Today is a good good day. Britt I hope your day is going as well and BB such good things are coming. Once again I'm so blessed I found this sirpte and all you wonderful people. I hope everyone is having a good if not great Sunday. Blessings and Love. Mags
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Sun Sep 13, 2015 4:07 pm

Tia: I live outside of knoxville tennessee... it was in the high 40s last night and low 70s today but the wind is still making it feel cold. Last week we were in the 90s.... I don't know that I remember weather changing so rapidly. I don't think I could live in flordia... it's pretty there and I love the ocean but I couldn't handle the heat! I haven't seen my PCP since I quit subs... heck even my sub doctor doesn't know I'm clean.
When he told me he was going to have to switch me to suboxone I reminded him that I was on subutex because the nalaxone gave me a migraine daily so he said that we would keep me on my same mg all month to give me a month to plan for detox then when I came back to him he would give me the 30 day shot of naltrexone (12 hours after doing 12mg of suboxone) he said he would give me enough meds to knock me out for 4-5 days then I'd be fine. He went on to tell me that only 1-2 of his patients ever truly tapered off but that many more went straight from subs to the shot and precipitated their sub withdrawl!?!?! I agreed that I'd do that just hoping that he would still give me some comfort meds. So I called him 2 days before my appt. And told him that I just want sure about the shot because I didn't wanna have a migraine the entire month I was detoxing... I asked him if I could come on in for my appt and get meds to help with the withdrawl his response to me was "no I cannot give you meds to help with the withdrawl unless you get the shot first because nobody will make it thru the withdrawl without something stopping them from getting high" so i pretty much told him to fuck off that he didn't know ME lol I made it without his comfort meds or shot!! Goodness I'd like to go throw it in his face haha
My husband pays his friend to mow the grass. .. I wouldn't even know how to start our riding mower anytime I do mow I just use the push mower.
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby subster58 » Sun Sep 13, 2015 7:02 pm

Hi Brit, I typed a message and it disappeared so if you get 2 you'll know why. Your MD wanted to give you a shot of naltrexone after 12mg of suboxone then knock you out for 3-4 days. Talk about a migraine along with diarrhea, anxiety, joint pain, mood changes and on and on. And if you didn't do it his way you were left to suffer . What a horses ass. Thank goodness you didn't fall into his money grubbing trap. MF. Good for you for standing up for yourself and asking questions. Burns my ass that they can get away with crap like that.
I love Tennessee. My family would go to Rogersville every summer for 17 years to visit my grand parents. We would camp in the Smoky Mountains for a week, then off to Rogersville for a week. My cousin and I have pictures of us in diapers sitting on the kitchen floor. We make a joke about being together from diapers to depends.lol. This year Fl has been so hot for so long, started in April being in the 90's, way to soon. So it has been a dreadful long hot summer and I will be glad when it is over.. If I go anywhere it has to have AC. I can't believe I worked 23 years in the field, where my patients would be wearing sweaters in the summer and have the AC on 85. A lot had no AC, they were so poor and I would feel so bad for them.
Hang in there. Keep fighting. You're doing great
Love ya
Tia
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Mon Sep 14, 2015 8:05 am

Yeah my doc was an ass... he just wanted to take my $340 a month for another year not to mention that I couldn't use insurance for the shot which was going to be $950 every other month!!! But he was just an idiot thinking that I could take the shot but couldn't take suboxone lol.

Goodness I seriously would have to move from flordia lol I couldn't handle 90s for months straight!
Smokey mtns is a beautiful place... my stepmom owns a cabin up there so we try to go stay on off seasons when it's not already rented out. My girls love driving thru Cades Cove!
That's so cool that you would come stay with your grandparents. I remember when I was little we would go stay with my grandparents every weekend. They lived an hour away from us but we would go stay one night with each one! It was so much fun. I miss those days. I need to go see them... I didn't go around much when I was always high and didn't go anywhere on subs lol
I actually woke up in a good mood today.... an hour late but I've already started cleaning my house so I'm thinking that today will be a good day :)
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Mon Sep 21, 2015 6:13 pm

So it's been 83 days now :D I am doing pretty good still have the sleepiness and motivation issues... I sleep a solid 8-9 hours and I'm still super tired when I get up. I may have a job coming up in a few weeks... an old friend contacted me and is needing a part time office assistant... well he runs his company from his home and most of the work I'll do here. He actually goes out of town with his employees and needs someone to run things here while he's out of town. I'm still not sure exactly how things are gonna work out because back when I knew him we were both using heavily and he was such an unreliable person... but he has been clean for a few years and has kept his company going for 2 years so hopefully him getting clean has changed that and things will work out. There's really nothing else to update not much has been going on around here. Just me being lazy. Lol
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby cheeps » Mon Sep 21, 2015 6:26 pm

That's sounds like a great job....I hope it works out for you....I'd jump on it! Think Bruno mars!
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby subster58 » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:22 pm

Hi Brit, I too would jump on that job. Get you out of the house and give you some money. You sound really good.
How are the migrains? Have you seen your PCP yet?. It's great you are sleeping so well. The motivation will come back. In the mean time make sure you're getting out of the house as much as possible. Will make the day go quicker and it's good for you to keep moving. Also glad to hear that your old friend is now clean. One less thing to worry about, if he was still active I believe it might be too much for you to handle. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, NEXT. Your doing GREAT!!
love ya
Tia
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Fri Sep 25, 2015 6:18 am

Thanks Cheeps.

Tia: I have not seen my PCP yet, I hate going to the doctor lol I decided not to do the job that I was going to take... the guy called me and was leaving jail haha I never even asked what for i just told him I was gonna have to turn the job down. I don't wanna get caught up in a mess with his company if he gets in trouble... BUT it worked out perfectly because I now have a job at the Nissan Dealership which is what I really wanted to do in the first place. I interviewed with them and they are desperate for someone immediately so i start work today! I didn't get in the parts department like I wanted to but I'll be a receptionist which is fine with me. I just really nervous because I've never been a receptionist anywhere and I've never been the type to dress up daily lol I'm sure I can do the job I just hate meeting new people and my friend I worked with at oreillys (during the worst of my addiction when I didn't work worth a shit) was the one that helped me get the job (he never knew about me using I'm sure he just thought j was a shitty worker lol) so i feel I gotta prove that I'm a good worker. Hopefully everything works out for the best... and hopefully I can make it thru this really long first day without making myself even more of a nervous wreak haha

How have you been?
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby CTCheryl » Fri Sep 25, 2015 6:54 am

Wow, you dodged that bullet!! Good for you with the job! It's still not easy for me to get out there and meet new people, I can seem to handle it in short spurts, but that's about it. My daughter got married recently, and I had to do all these family functions (the new side of the family) and I felt so awkward the whole time. But you know what? We were able to pull of "normal" high as kites, so we can pull this off too!! You'll be great, congrats on that job!
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby finallyoverit7115 » Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:15 am

Yeah I had a family reunion when I was like 3-4 weeks clean and then my uncle invited us over after and it was a rough day lol but I made it. Ive always had social anxiety which the pills helped me tremendously with that... wHicham I didn't really realize how much they helped me until now that I'm clean and I am nervous as crap. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night and have been sick to my stomach all morning. . I guess if I can pull off acting normal when I was high half the time and sick the other half then I guess I can make it thru today lol
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Re: 37 days off sub and need some advice

Postby cheeps » Fri Sep 25, 2015 2:20 pm

Let us know how it goes.....just gotta learn to put on the smile and become competent...that's half the battle. The other half is getting used to all the other workers.
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