Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 18, 2013 1:18 pm

Another thing!!! Wondering if I'm ever going to want to fool around again. I use to be the one always wanting it/asking for it, begging for it, and being pissed if I couldn't get it. LOL Wonder if that will ever be a want in my brain. As of right now, I never think about it but I know my girl does and I feel bad that I don't wanna do it/I just don't feel like it.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Poncho » Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:06 pm

dawny38 wrote:P.S. Cheeps/ I can't even think about sex, touching, feeling, nothing. And I use to be such a pig in that department. And food/ I haven't wanted to eat anything since I stopped subs. WTF


#1 - you keep saying "after all this time" but you've only got a month off the junk. Thats a great accomplishment but you're going to have days like this over the next year. You're doing great, hang in there.

#2 Don't listen to Cheeps, she masterbated with her farm animals when she was detoxing so don't do that

#3 I was hoping you were still a pig :mrgreen:
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 18, 2013 4:07 pm

"All this time," and I stated that heavier than the last time because after 20 years of not being clean for any significant amount of time, to ME 33 days is a very very long time specially knowing what it took to get here.
If cheeps plays with the animals, who am I to judge?!
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 18, 2013 4:07 pm

LMFAO
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby cheeps » Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:46 am

dawny38 wrote:"All this time," and I stated that heavier than the last time because after 20 years of not being clean for any significant amount of time, to ME 33 days is a very very long time specially knowing what it took to get here.
If cheeps plays with the animals, who am I to judge?!


Actually, they play with me....... :twisted: Poncho's just mad because I won't let him watch. :lol:


Dawny....pretty soon you'll be stropping yer partner like a female tom....

but for the time being don't feel badly about uneven bouts of energy or motivation. Your procrastination levels may reach an all time high before you start to feel happy again.

This is where the dirty words are time and patience. :gaah:
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2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:28 am

Argh! Time and patience! WTF! How about a time line? I don't know why, but when there's a time line to follow, I do SO much better with the patience part. (GULP)
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Justjules13 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:34 am

My skin felt "weird" the first month...being touched felt like being rubbed with sandpaper. It got better and sex is a good way to get your natural endorphins going. Sometimes you just have to throw yourself into it before it feels good...know what I mean? Your lucky your partner is supportive. Mine is too..but he's never been addicted to anything, so he's a bit clueless, but he's still supportive..
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:37 am

Jules, what do you think of the addiction therapist/psychiatrist? Have you ever gone?
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Justjules13 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 12:42 pm

I think it totally depends on if you get one you can relate to. I went to one in the states and all we did was debate organized religion. He was insistent that I had to "give it to God" to ever conquer addiction. I liked him but felt going to him was a bit of a waste of time...
I went to one here who gave me homework to battle my poor self esteem. He considered that the root of my problum. I agreed I'd done drugs since childhood to cover anxiety. It was funny, one session I told him I thought everyone had SOME way to "take the edge off"....a drink after work, a big bowl of ice cream, watching porn....something to relax. I'm looking for that heathy pressure release. I wish I liked exercising more...My BF has his music, I need something like that...
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 1:30 pm

Hey jules, I will gladly help you find that healthy preasure release.

Dawny, your drive to stick to your ol'lady will return in time. And when it does, look out..
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:35 pm

Bahahahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Loving you guys!!) Jules, I WISH I could get to the bottom of where my addiction started. I just liked the high I guess. I mean I know the longer you use, the suckier things get and you spend 90% of the time chasing that ole feeling down/been there done that. But I can certainly understand why people relapse and OD. Because being off for any significant amount of time brings their tolerance back down giving that warm fuzzy feeling faster and harder so there you're hooked again! I like feeling good/I don't remember ever 'feeling good' just because of life. I can honestly say I don't ever ever remember feeling happy as a child/until I got my claws on drugs. I mean how can life even give a feeling like that? It can't. Wait! I remember sleeping over my God mothers house! I was very happy that day/she took me away to a carnival/my first one ever! She also bought me a pair of sneakers that day. I was probably around age 11 or 12. First time sleeping out ever/my last too. When she brought me back home my father was so pissed that my Mom gave her permission to take me in the first place. He made me regret that day over and over again. Anyway I think we ALL each and every one of us can come up with a reason or excuse as to why we use to use or why we are using again. But that's all they are. Excuses and/or reasons. I think if we want to use, we're going to no matter what because we want to, it's available and that's all there is. Are we saying it's because of whatever what ever because the first time we swallowed a pill was when what ever started 'somewhere?' Is it because the state of mind we're in at the time? Because I know some people that are junkies and they had the best upbringing, the best parents, the best of everything and the first time some of them picked up what ever was at a happy place in a happy time. Boredom? Huge reason/excuse! See? We all have our excuses. I just wish I could stop mine. And why can some people pick up a habit one day than drop it the next? Me? When I use to do cocaine and/or H, I would pick it up every few years or so and be stuck on it for 6 months at a time. I don't believe God can take it away/he wouldn't have given it to us in the first place only to 'take it away.' Don't get me wrong, I believe in God but I don't go to church. I say my prayers Qnoc but I don't think 'giving it to God is going to take it away.' LOL How silly does that sound?! I'm sincerely sorry if I offend anyone/this is just my opinion. I mean, HELL if this is the case, than here GOD! You take these cravings back, and please give me back the last 20 years in trade. Maybe it's because of where I am in my sobriety and because I haven’t been clean for a surmountable time that I think this way? I don’t know/I wish I had the answers, I wish I could take everyone’s pain away and make life enjoyable and tolerable and fun and euphoric. But to me, life just sucks. There’s nothing to enjoy. Fun? Money? Family? What? TV? Exercising? How can just these things make you feel nice? I’m ready I guess to be miserable for the rest of my life without doing drugs because I know what it leads to but the road getting there sure as hell felt good enough for me to remember how it feels after 33 days and I’m sure as hell missing it. Why must everything good be bad? I use to say well drugs aren’t BAD, BAD as long as you don’t use em a lot. LOL TWISTED fucking Freddy. Everything in moderation. Bahhhh that was me setting myself up for failure. Because I could never use anything that made me feel good in moderation. The more I had the more I wanted. No matter what it was. Sorry for rambling/nothing here I’m sure makes sense. Just rambling off. Trying to stay busy and clean. Nothing seems worth it anymore without those good feelings. BUT I desperately want to stay clean. Does that make ANY sense to anyone?
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:39 pm

WAIT! THIS IS Freddy the Fucker creeping up on me, isn't it? Someone come get this fucker, or I am going to chop him limb from limb and bury his parts in different corners of the country so he can't bother anyone one of us again.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Justjules13 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:25 pm

Too late! I already drove him out to the desert, made him dig his own grave, and shot him in the back of the head, and rolled him in......so long Freddy! :twisted: He won't be bothering you tonight!
I think your right Dawn. We start using drugs because it feels good...and then it becomes habit. One of the old timers here said something a while back about having to learn to live life without being high. We are used to feeling better than good...so good doesn't feel so great anymore. But I got to a point where the drugs just weren't working...they didn't make me feel good. I feel physically better now. Mentally, I'm still bored..looking for something to take the edge off life. I hope to just stay straight long enough where that feeling passes. Many here claim it does after some time. I've got 60 days tomorrow. I don't think I've had 60 days straight since I was 12 yrs old! It's all new to me, and I'm still just banking days....I never say "never". I just tell myself I'm gonna do this for six months. It's too much pressure to say NEVER AGAIN. I'm one of those who finds it impossible to flush the stash. Old habits are hard to break...but I'm slowly dismantling them.
Just tell yourself..today I won't use...and say the same thing tomorrow. Make at a game of willpower for the first couple months...
Your gonna do this Dawny!
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby nootlsjr » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:26 pm

dawny, hang in there girl. you can and might want multiple dmbas at your disposal for your sexual pleasure's in the future. don't give up on the small pleasures that add up to something great. it starts at one little thing desired, but they start adding up fast.

its hard when teaching our brain the truth. where stuborn, gullable, cool people. hang in there and you will shine again. pride will be on your side again. then jealousy and your youngns bfriends will be the problem. I might be a dmbas mother fucker now, but I wasn't when I was younger. you can do it, and once you can enjoy tv and the small things you will know your starting to gain your stability back. fake it till you make it. [the optimistic way]. peace and much pleasure. noots/dmbas.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:59 pm

Shit.. I chained freddy to lead weights and dropped him in lake michigan.. the fucker came back with twice as much weight chained to him and confined in a straight jacket, son of a bitch just laughed at me..

It is important to find a "hobby". Something to keep your mind busy.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Owen » Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:47 pm

No matter how long you have used for (I can understand it gets harder) there always comes a time when you evaluate your life, there comes a time when you need to think of your health, loved ones, future and other people''s future. If someone is middle-aged and over they should be mature enough to ask themselves do they really want to live rest of their lives as a junkie? do they really want to be looked down upon by others? by their family? be rejected by people close to you?..

I certainly do not buy the idea that one has pressure to say "never again"...If you stick to something then it is not impossible to to see through it... Am sorry but it all comes down to choice, if you think for 1 second life could be much worse then you could have that extra zest to quit opiates/drugs and not even want to get high...Many people have put down their drug of choice as soon as something important happened in their lives i.e pregnancy, parent passing away, threats of divorce, realizing risk to health etc so on.

It's more easier to quit and stay clean if you have a family, children, decent partners, prospects, future etc but if someone's life is doom and gloom then yes it can be hard, but then again it can be a test of character to change things around...We cannot blame anybody but ourselves for choosing to stick to opiates, we cannot make up excuses for having a life of doom and gloom, only we can rectify that because we made it like that..How we behave in child-hood and tees can echo how we live in our adult hood, so am sorry but folks cannot expect support or sympathy if their life is shit, unless of course you had no choice in your early days.. Basically some will use an excuse just because their self-esteem is low they need to get high, or if their life has no prospects, no career, no family etc they choose to get high, again you cannot expect any support or sympathy or friends if one thinks like this, many people go through worse situations yet can either quit drugs or not do them..
Last edited by Owen on Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Owen » Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:54 pm

Just think of the folks who do not have long to live, do not have limbs in-tact, live with HIV/AIDS, cancer, living through poverty, war-zones, struggling for shelter etc so on, yet many of these folks still do not choose to pick up opiates or drugs..

It's been well documented if you are thrown in the deep end and have to survive then last thing on your mind would be your next fix, you'll be too busy trying to survive, so the point am making is we need to be less selfish, think of our loved ones, our self-respect, our future and health. Only way people will realize if we back off and not keep giving more support...No person in their right mind would ever be loyal to someone who keeps on doing opiates and has no future, they must be desperate and deprived of achieving classy partners, usually the decent folks give their opiate user partners ultimatums and stick to their word.. Nobody can carry on supporting a opiate user forever, there comes a time when they have to put themselves first.

So yes just broaden your horizon folks, be that just bit open minded and have some character, if anything the older you get the more mature you get, so folks should really be thinking of hating drugs/opiates, and not even wanting to get high.. Just think for example one 50 year old who's had a decent respectable career, has a yacht, grand children he/she see's regularly, has a decent pension or will get a decent pension, who's worked hard, and is happy, yet compare another 50 year old who's a junkie? it's quite embarrassing, and this contrast should be enough for anybody to look at themselves and ask themselves what life do they want to choose? it's never too late at any age..You want people to pray over your grave or spit? choice is ours.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby nootlsjr » Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:23 am

can you define the word junky, or are you [owen] to selfish to read others replies.

you know your a junky when???? when owen trys to befriend you. when your a dude and have to sit to piss.

is it the type of opy that makes you a junky?? no, a pill popper can be a junky. so what defines junkyness. does it have to do with immoral actions, and what do you call moral. because fucking dudes is against my moral code. guess im not a junky because I wont do anything to get high. just whats just and convenient.

is not living up to ones potential junkyness, or do you have to add drugs to be defined as a gay junky fucker. you difine the word junky fucker owen. a person that wont forget his obscession for opys and to stuborn to move on and start new. just sayn morning junky fucker, now get a real job besides sucking dick.

you know I love ya owen, but you seriously need a good female to control you. its ok, sometimes we all need guidance. you just need more then others.lol.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:13 am

Jules HAPPY FUCKING 60 DAYS!!!!!!!!! (Insert streamers, balloons and noise makers here). WoW! This is HUGE!!!! pardon the mess on this thread and excuse the pissing contest between nootlsjr and owen. LOL we all knew that was going to happen somewhere sometime soon/it's been waaaay too quiet lately.
Anyway: Jules; I am so inspired by you. I REALLY hope and pray you do NOT use ever again. I look forward to your comments to people, and I think you're wise beyond your years. I know exactly what you say when you said "It's too much pressure to say NEVER AGAIN." I get really cranky when I try tricking my brain into thinking 'No! This is never going to happen again.' I mean it's really a heavy load because it did feel good at one point/we know it did. But yeah, in the end who are we kidding? All the pain of trying to get better, is it really worth it? NOPE! "JUST SAY NO". LMMFAO I always thought there should be more to that slogan. I wish I could go back to the day before , or even a few hours before I popped my 1st pill. I would really like to see how I was feeling mentally. When endorphins and serotonin were being made naturally. Just so I could compare the two and make a choice right then and there to stop or go on taking pills. I know, it's weird to think that way, but hell, this is what I am. Wishing and hoping seems to be all I do lately. Stay strong and bank those days.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:07 am

Thanks Dawn,
I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. The oldtimers here would say "just give it a couple months and things will get better", for some reason I always thought they where lying a bit. I couldn't fathom opiate free being anything but daily pain, but lately I forget I don't take opiates any longer for long stretches of the day.
When I hear about kids getting into their parents oxy..or even Tylenol #3s I cringe! I wish I never took that first darvon at 12yrs old. Opiates are very insidious...and hard as hell to quit. And now that they are advertising them on TV (suboxone)???? It's going to be really bad...this place will get really crowded..
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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