Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

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Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:36 am

Jumped from subs on 5/17/13. And I don't think the cravings have ever been as strong as they are today for some ungodly fucking reason. I had a really good day yesterday. Now today all I can think of is drugs. I don't care what kind/ANY kind/stimulant/depressant. I could call right now and have anything but I don't want to do it. Desperate for some one to talk me down. Why the fuck are these cravings so strong today? SHit! I hate this. I'm taking my anti depressants/(Prozac) like the DR says to. WTF Someone help me out of this train of thought. Any suggs on how to not wake up thinking about fucking drugs? Fucking evil opiates. Bastards. HELP
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:45 am

Today I'm being mind fucked by past behaviors and past thoughts. WTF? Has anyone had these strong thoughts this far from your jump date? And yes I've read around but no one discusses the mental part much in detail like they do the physical part. No, I don't want to go to 'meetings'. Not enough energy for that shit yet and I DO NOT want to go to meetings anyway. 'Not a 12 stepper' has the right idea. lol I just don't want to go somewhere where I will be able to make 20-30 new 'connects'. I've worked hard all this time to get myself away from the people who make me want to use. I don't want to meet a bunch of new ones. Besides "Aint no body got time fo dat!" LOL trying to be funny while keeping self busy. Jesus I hope someone chimes in here soon. I'm so close to falling I do NOT want to. Stupid me. Stupid me. The mind is a terrible thing. Fuck. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby gettingsober » Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:49 am

Hello Dawny. Sorry to hear that you're having some cravings. I know the feeling from the couple of times I quit pills. God, it sucks. The only thing that would work for me was to force myself to go do something to get my mind off it. Walk, go to a store, something, anything. I know that the mind can really spin up and its a real mind fuck. When the brain gets used to a chemical, it will do anything to get what it wants. Evil little bastard. Hang in there and just remind yourself that it won't always be like this. Soon your brain won't need/want it.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby gettingsober » Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:52 am

Yes Dawn, he mind is a sick and twisted little fucker. It will do anything to talk your body into doing what it wants. Hang in there. You can do it.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby gettingsober » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:08 am

Dawny? You out there?
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby gettingsober » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:20 am

Well Dawny, I don't have a lot of experience with Sub withdrawl, but I have a lot of experience with oxy. From what I gather, you are getting towards the end of the really rough stuff and should start seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel. Just get through this one day, one hour, one minute. You're what, 16 days off the evil subs? Don't do anything to jeapordize that. Wow, 16 days off sub! That's a hell of an accomplishment. You've got to be really strong to get that far. If you're strong enough to get this far, you can certainly make it through today. And tommorow. And the the day after that....... :thumbup:
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby cheeps » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:44 am

Get moving and get the seratonin levelsUp. Its chemical dawny...your brain wants more dopamine and serotonin. Exercise by walking as fast as you can in bursts....rent movies that will tickle your funny bone. Masterbate....i dont advocate porn but after detox...it helps to get horny and do something about it!!!.
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:39 pm

I'm here. Just couldn't go on computer because my 19 year old was in the room. She has no clue about any of this shit. Sad isn't it?!! I feel like such a liar that I've hidden this from her. Like all her life has been a lie because I've never been honest with her about my addiction. I just think she would throw it in my face and I don't want her to have that upper hand over me. My life partner knows and is very very supportive in my 'getting clean'. She's the only one working right now which is another guilt thing on my mind but she's being a trooper. Just wants me to get better. Anyway I haven't done anything today/didn't call or text anyone for any drugs. I calmed my mind by taking a short nap so I've been a good girl today. My mind is still racing thinking... Just once more than we'll quit. When I can't get out of that mindset, my arms actually get warm and crawly like. Anyone get that? Like you talk yourself into feeling like shit all over again. Yesterday was such a good day too. Man. I can't take this up and down shit. I keep drinking coffee hoping for a surge of energy but all I get is a big fat NOTHING along with another hour or two of mind racing numb thoughts and procrastinations pushing me to do absolutely nothing. I literally sit here for hours at times saying/thinking to myself ---- Okay you're going to get up today and do something... Like constructive--- Than I sit there thinking okay to do this whatever the task at hand is, I have to get up, shower, and dress than do my hair and what ever what ever than the whole vicious cycle of THINKING about doing the task and not doing it repeats itself. Am I making sense to anyone out there? I'm doing a whole lot of nothing and really need to get motivated. Fuuuuuuck!
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:49 pm

Dammit I actually feel like I am back on day 4 or 5. What the fuck is going on here!?? I swear if I was at work or out I would be popping pills all over again even after all this time. I need some way to beat this train of thought. WHy after all this time am I feeding myself these fucking thoughts. Excuse the French here ladies. I'm sorry. Just really frustrated. WoW! All this work potentially being ruined by thoughts. SHit! Wish I had a mental guide on this. I am 38 years old acting like a spoiled kid not getting candy at the store. WTF. WIll try to lower the swears so no one gets offended. It's just that i'm trying to stay busy and not call someone for shit.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:51 pm

WoW seriously? I actually feel like I need a friggin benzo to calm myself. Haven't felt THIS anxious since dam, probably like 5 days ago? I used benzo's the first week none after that. The fuck?! I don't know. This really sucks though. I wish someone was here to slap me out of this.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:53 pm

I am so anxious I feel like I could run a marathon but I have no motivation to get to the start line. Anyone get that? Fuck how do we erase thoughts like this from our minds. This is why people relapse. This is exactly why. DAMMIT all.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:06 pm

Spoke to my doctor last Thursday and have been honest with her about Everything from use to thoughts, etc., etc. She is very understanding and accommodating. She suggested for "motivation and to get me over this little hump in my recovery" that she start me on a low dose of Ritalin. 1 to 2 tabs in the morning. She said it will help with motivation and she will taper me later on but for now she says "You need something to get you over this rough patch". I re-dosed Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday all at noontime. Guess I can't be trusted with the shit. Does this mean I start counting at day 1 again? Is this why I am feeling so anxious again? I've been reading about Ritalin and it's after effects. I am also on Prozac 20mg/daily and levothyroxine 137 mcg/daily because my thyroid stopped working the same week I quit subs. Yeah people, double whammy!! For anyone who knows how many functions the thyroid controls. This has NOT been a happy time in my life. I wonder if anyone out there understands the MANY MANY functions of the lovely thyroid gland.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:11 pm

Oh and in case anyone starts to down me for actually taking the Ritalin, I was totally honest with my dr. And when I mean honest, I mean I had a plan for ending my life, I told her how my g/f gave me a bath on the Wednesday before my Drs apt and she didn't come back in the bathroom for me and how I actually sat there in the tub for 2 hours after the water had drained freezing my ass off because I couldn't stop looking into space thinking about the fact that now since my girl didn't come back in the bath room, that I now had to get myself out of the bath tub and dress on my own. I mean this has really been an awful time. Never been this depressed in my life. Well maybe almost as depressed by the lack of motivation and thinking about shit for hours on end is driving me insane.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:15 pm

I actually feel a tiny bit better for outing myself to you guys about the Ritalin. I feel guilty for taking it because a Dr. is the one who got me started on the subs in the 1st place and lied about withdrawals and just every word that came out of that sub dr's mouth was a lie but than on the other hand she's a dr., and knows what's best for me,..... right?!!!! I don't know anything about anything anymore.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:19 pm

P.S. Cheeps/ I can't even think about sex, touching, feeling, nothing. And I use to be such a pig in that department. And food/ I haven't wanted to eat anything since I stopped subs. WTF
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:21 pm

And I quit smoking in December so I REALLY have no vices to hold on to or to satisfy my addictive tendencies. And don't know what to do with my thoughts. (HELP)
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby nootlsjr » Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:20 pm

im sorry im a dude and less understanding, but bruce lee once said [enter the dragon]. don't think, just do. the right thing of course, but your mind is fighting you and staying busy does help the mind. music and daydreaming of what could be can also help. don't let your confused mind condemn you longer then you have to. do your time and be done with it.

sub is the worst nightmare unimaginable, but when your in that much agony your soon to be having an up. from my exspeirence. sounds like your moving along and have some days to be proud of. one day equeals a month in stabile time. lol.

just remember that this will pass, and the further you get the less power over you it will have [the less desire for].

congrats on your strength and struggle. peace.
Y ask Y,Y. Y is Y.....
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby dawny38 » Tue Jun 04, 2013 7:52 pm

A dude and less understanding? LoL I would never say or even think that. That would make me shallow and juvenile. Guy/Girl doesn't distinguish how perceptive you are or how much knowledge you've got. Thank you for your support either way. Trust me I appreciate it more than you know.
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby Zx10r » Tue Jun 04, 2013 8:17 pm

You seem like you have a lot of anxiety right now, you need something to relax. Mabye try some Valerian root. Sorry I dont have good advice.. Mabye kratom? I dont know if that's something this website condemns. Mabye having a couple smokes wont hurt.. I feel your pain, I've been there with benzo withdrawal and I completely lost my mind for a while..
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Re: Really tempted today... please help/Emily/Rach? Anyone

Postby nootlsjr » Tue Jun 04, 2013 8:28 pm

my bad. lol. the girls around here [my way] can be scarry and demanding. you sound like a chill dudette. welcome to ss. its nice having somewhere to vent, and its a good memory for where you been. wd is something you never want to forget, yet so tempting to discard when your half cumftorble.

hang in there, because this is the start of a process. I think of it like a game with levels, and mad suprizes lurking around every corner.lol. every day is an accomplishment, but there are also days that are goal marking.[14,35,60,90,4/5 months] there like land marks to a more stabile being [my exspeirence/sercumbstance]. its a bunch of mind games where you think your good, then you think your not. the phases very in tricks, but as long as you know there tricks and lies you will make it to the day you understand the healing process.

there will be up days [manic like]. enjoy the good stuff. get through the bad stuff, and never use, within 4/5 months you will have a better understanding of natural desires again. then only arrogance can be the risk..
Y ask Y,Y. Y is Y.....
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