Feeling pretty horrible

[Hoenheim]

Hi. I found subsux searching 'coming off gabapentin' and reading posts about that here helped me feel better because I thought you guys were funny and it helped me realize how bad gabapentin could be. I felt like I was dying and I did not expect that. I've come off of benzos before and this is worse than that. I also came off of Nardil (maoi antidepressant) quit drinking, quit smoking and quit pursuing an "unavailable" person all in the past 6 weeks. And I feel SO shitty. I can't believe how bad I feel, and how I thought the way I felt before these drugs was bad. Now that is sounding so healthy and good. I need more support. I don't want to give up and go back to meds.

[Poncho]

How much Gaba were/are you taking ?

[Hoenheim]

800 mg a.m. and p.m.

[CTCheryl]

it will pass pretty quick, not much you can do but give it time. Just keep in mind as bad as this is, it could be much worse, it could be Sub.

Hang in there.

[Hoenheim]

Hi. Yeah, it could be worse. Funny how trying to avoid dealing with fear and pain is how I got myself into this mess. Maybe I just have to "pay the toll" this time.

[Justjules13]

I could see how Gabapentin could be addicting...I only took it for a short time at a low dose(200-300mg) and didn't take it regularly. But it did help ease my sub withdrawal. It's hard to live life without some sort of relaxing medication....but CT is right, "it could be worse...it could be sub!"
Good luck...I bet you feel better soon.
J

[Hoenheim]

thanks for the replies...appreciate the company/feedback. sub must be some evil @#$! i am glad i'm not on it.

[cheeps]

Lyrica depression should only last a few days....but you were on a big dose. Just keep telling yourself it's not the 'real' you.....just a chemical misfire or two.

It's happened to me and another person here...she had a longer duration....but it's not permanent....just push through it....next week it should be better, if not totally gone.

[Hoenheim]

Thanks, Cheeps. I wish it were so. After reading another site where someone documented their Nardil withdrawal (another one I''m coming off of) I think it might take awhile. Plus the nicotine withdrawal's probably doing something. But it's hard to tell what's what. I just hope it does change significantly for the better soon because I am getting discouraged.

[Poncho]

Doing both will be even touger. Maybe quitinng the cigs can wait since the Gaba is going to give you high anxiety as it is. Hang in there, it will pass. Don't read someone elses nightmare and get it in your mind the same thing will happen to you, everyone's different.

[Hoenheim]

Hi Poncho. Yeah, it might have been wise to wait on the cigs but it's too late. I've already made it three weeks and I don't want to go back and start over.

Plus the reason I started smoking had to do with the gaba and the nardil. I used to hate the smell cigarettes. I had smoked for about a year when I was younger, then quit because I never really liked smoking, I did it mostly for social reasons.

But after starting the gaba, smoke started smelling good to me. And because it had been so easy to quit when I was younger, I figured it would be no big deal if I smoked awhile and quit later.

I tried to quit once before I got off the drugs, and it was really hard. I was shocked. I cried like someone had died, and gave up after 9 days of intense anxiety and grief. It's not as hard letting them go now, without the drugs; as soon as I stopped the first drug, cigarettes started tasting gross. So I wasn't really enjoying them right before I quit. But I do still get cravings.

It seems like gaba made me more prone to addiction than I already was. I also got seizures or something like a seizure. In the first few months of being on it, if I got too hot, or did not sit down when I would feel kind of shaky, I would lose control of my arms and legs and fall. It was scary.

It happened 3 or 4 times. Later on, I fell asleep standing up a couple times and fell. It was weird, I didn't want to sleep when I was on it, even though I spent a huge amount of time either sleeping or feeling very sleepy. Towards the end, I would nap for a few hours during the day, and then go to bed at 7:00. And I would fall alseep every time I went to a meeting. That's another reason why I quit, because I was falling asleep so much. It made me narcoleptic or something. But that was probably both drugs combined, or all three and my particular physiology.

Are you wondering why the hell I would stay on something that made me have seizures and sleep all the time? It's because it made me feel good. For the first time in my life, I could relax a little and enjoy myself. Which is the same reason I latched onto alcohol. It made me feel better when life in general was not a happy occasion.

[gillabug]

hi Hoen and welcome.. wow, 16,000 mg of gaba a day is a pretty steep dose.. Did you try weaning down, or did you just stop cold turkey?

also how much nardil were you taking? Did you stop it CT too?

[Hoenheim]

Hi Gillabug. I was on 75 mg of Nardil and 1600 mg gabapentin per day.

On the Nardil I took about 4 months weaning off, though I jumped right at the end, from 2 to 1 and 1 to none pretty much in about a week which probably caused some problems, but the reason I decided to do so suddenly was because when I was down to 2 a day, I started getting sick every time I took a pill, which coincided with a new batch. I was afraid something was wrong with it.

With the gabapentin, I went from 800 mg twice a day to 600 mg twice a day, to 600 mg once a day to none in a couple weeks. Though before that, I had been forgetting my nighttime dose a LOT and I didn't seem to be getting any problems from that. So I decided that stopping it more abruptly wouldn't be too much of a problem.

[ratch]

A few years ago I read about a person that way taking over 8000mg a day (abusing the shit out of it) I forgot the outcome, but I remember one of the symptoms were "brain zaps" similar to jumping off high doses of AD's. I just made a mental note to stay away from it. Hopefully you will feel better soon

[Hoenheim]

Hey Ratch, 8000 mg - I'm surprised they're alive!

I am happy to report that I am doing quite a bit better tonight - I've been trying different supplements since I quit the gaba to find something to replace my meds and I think I might have hit on something that's working. Time will tell, of course, because I thought that before and then went back down. For today, this was my formula:

"formula!" That word sounds funny. I may be hypomanic, because I feel "giddy." But I'm not too worried about being manic unless it prevents me from sleeping. Otherwise, I prefer mania to frickin depression any day. And I don't usually get myself into too much trouble.

This is what I had today:

*2 tsp Omega-D cod liver oil early on an empty stomach (then I ate an organic orange.)

Couple hours later I made a "shake" out of:

*water
*coconut milk
*an "Emergen-C" vitamin packet
*4 TB hemp protein powder (9 grams of protein)
*1 1/3 TB inositol (10 grams)

I also ate 3 eggs today, which I think helped, too. because of something in the egg, beside protein which in itself definitely helps...maybe "choline?" I haven't been eating eggs cause they have made me ill, but making egg salad, I was able to eat it without getting sick. Anyways, I will try the supplements again tomorrow.

Also, I did not take any curcumin (another supp I've been taking) but there could still be some left in my system, so I am going to have to experiment and see. Curcumin has definitely helped my joints/pain.

I don't feel like "I'm dying" at all right now, which is so frickin fantastic I can hardly say!

[Hoenheim]

Though I did just say "shut your face" loud enough to be heard just now when I heard people talking outside my house on the street (something I normally wouldn't do.) I guess that type of irritability/impulsiveness could indicate hypomania.

[Hoenheim]

Hey just thought I'd stop in and say hi. I haven't been on this site for a long time; though, to tell you the truth, it feels like months not just a month and a half. Well, I am feeling better, however I would not say "great." Some health issues that I had before going on psyche meds (the gaba and nardil) seemed to have gotten worse while I was on the meds. I have problems with blood sugar, digestion, thyroid and adrenals. So I think when I got off the drugs, I got hit with a lot of unresolved body issues and no buffer. I've lost 25 lbs. And I think I may be going through some mid-life crisis, too. But I'm super grateful to be doing as well as I am and that I have been able to do as many things as I have to help myself. Especially since dependency has always been an issue for me. I'm proud of myself for doing this. It can make you stronger to go through something like this. I have come to value investing my time and money in my own health through this experience and taking more "ownership," if you will, of my life. It's been a good thing...and hell... Let's not forget that.

[Special K]

I have come to value investing my time and money in my own health through this experience and taking more "ownership," if you will, of my life. It's been a good thing...and hell... Let's not forget that.

Kat

[cheeps]

Sounds like you got over the hump well. Good to hear your upbeat news!