On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

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On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Fri Apr 20, 2012 3:17 pm

Hi to all. I am not feeling great, but not absolutely in 'hell' either. Just found your site & thank goodness as I have not liked what I read on other sites. I have been about as worried as I could be after reading these other sites with people complaining of "STILL IN HELL AT 40 DAYS!! HELP" & other things that I never imagined to be the case.

I know i messed up on taking the bupe for lortab (chronic pain/disabled partially) use, & was another fool who got lied to with the hopes of this "miracle drug to remove the withdrawals of opiates". Well, it has been all self pay and not cheap at all, but I have such a high metabolism that the less i went down on the bupe, the more agony i was having to live in. I had tried Methedone clinics as well, but that stuff wouldnt even last long enough for the next dose. They said high-metabolism, but idk, idc really... I just want to be a human again. I am willing to live with the pain of the injury if i could just not live with the feeling of my inners hollowed out when the meds wore off (on a daily basis, if lucky, in morning could grab them fast enough to help ease the WD it was putting me through... SO basicly, i tapered myself down quickly over the last month. From 4mg a day to .5 a day.

I have ativan to help (have been prescribed this for a long time, so kinda immune to it unless increasing intake 2X), & have used quite a bit so far & was not expecting this to last more than a few days, so I cant do it as I had planned, & have a somewhat 'semi-smooth' self-detox.
I will say i have a growling stomach, but the thought of food makes me kinda sick feeling (like vomiting).... I used the immodium & it has helped with bathroom stuff. I am doing this for me & just feel that it is wrong to live on these meds. So i have a spiritual conviction as well. It is very dpressing, goose-bumbs will not go away. I have no tramadol to help either or clonodine. But the ativan does help....but other than that... I am staying in prayer a lot. When things get to a strange "TOO MUCH PAIN TO BEAR", I get an intense fever & its like i am just knocked out...waking up an hour later & feeling close to normal. Yet the feeling of normalness is shot lived & I am back fighting w/ all the WD symptoms.

I am using pleanty of vitamins & rockstar recovery (B-vitamin) drinks. If anyone else has super high-metabolism, can you advise what the lenght of time that I may be looking at before feeling like a human & not all hunched over? I would lift weight & such, but just have nothing in me to do it at this time. I am able to sleep at night with OTC Nyquil. Thanks & any advice/other OTC products to possibly ease this/speed this, is appreciated. I have no job outside of home, so that is a good thing. Thanks
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby Special K » Fri Apr 20, 2012 5:31 pm

Hi Texas~

I myself am still tapering down, so I can't offer any advise as to how long on until you feel normal again. Just wanted to say Hi, and welcome. :wave:

Someone should be along shorty to offer insight.

Kat
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby tw15t3d » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:34 am

TexasChemist wrote:Hi to all. I am not feeling great, but not absolutely in 'hell' either. Just found your site & thank goodness as I have not liked what I read on other sites. I have been about as worried as I could be after reading these other sites with people complaining of "STILL IN HELL AT 40 DAYS!! HELP" & other things that I never imagined to be the case.

I know i messed up on taking the bupe for lortab (chronic pain/disabled partially) use, & was another fool who got lied to with the hopes of this "miracle drug to remove the withdrawals of opiates". Well, it has been all self pay and not cheap at all, but I have such a high metabolism that the less i went down on the bupe, the more agony i was having to live in. I had tried Methedone clinics as well, but that stuff wouldnt even last long enough for the next dose. They said high-metabolism, but idk, idc really... I just want to be a human again. I am willing to live with the pain of the injury if i could just not live with the feeling of my inners hollowed out when the meds wore off (on a daily basis, if lucky, in morning could grab them fast enough to help ease the WD it was putting me through... SO basicly, i tapered myself down quickly over the last month. From 4mg a day to .5 a day.

I have ativan to help (have been prescribed this for a long time, so kinda immune to it unless increasing intake 2X), & have used quite a bit so far & was not expecting this to last more than a few days, so I cant do it as I had planned, & have a somewhat 'semi-smooth' self-detox.
I will say i have a growling stomach, but the thought of food makes me kinda sick feeling (like vomiting).... I used the immodium & it has helped with bathroom stuff. I am doing this for me & just feel that it is wrong to live on these meds. So i have a spiritual conviction as well. It is very dpressing, goose-bumbs will not go away. I have no tramadol to help either or clonodine. But the ativan does help....but other than that... I am staying in prayer a lot. When things get to a strange "TOO MUCH PAIN TO BEAR", I get an intense fever & its like i am just knocked out...waking up an hour later & feeling close to normal. Yet the feeling of normalness is shot lived & I am back fighting w/ all the WD symptoms.

I am using pleanty of vitamins & rockstar recovery (B-vitamin) drinks. If anyone else has super high-metabolism, can you advise what the lenght of time that I may be looking at before feeling like a human & not all hunched over? I would lift weight & such, but just have nothing in me to do it at this time. I am able to sleep at night with OTC Nyquil. Thanks & any advice/other OTC products to possibly ease this/speed this, is appreciated. I have no job outside of home, so that is a good thing. Thanks


Hey Texas,
I am sorry you are suffering. You must be past the Honeymoon Phase of suboxone. How long have you been on .5mg? I would recommend tapering to .25mg first before jumping. And just want to give you a warning about B-vitamins(what I highlighted above), they aggravate the withdrawal symptoms.

Immodium can diminish withdrawals overall, and you can take more than the recommendation. Some people here have taken up to ten pills. I would say take 3pills now, and when you jump, 5 pills. Is there ANY way to get you some Clonidine? That would help tremendously! Also Acetaminophen(Tylenol), and Ibuprofen(Advil) can help your chills and fever(or are they hot flashes? I got those).
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby subster58 » Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:02 am

Welcome Texas, in my case subs did NOTHING for pain. Know everyone is different. You did a fast taper, you need to get stable on one dose before decreasing, I learned the hard way, my subsucker MD started me at 32mg, down to .25mg with cheeps taper plan. Did you take lortab with subs?? confused.lol.
You will get WDS, did you stop everything except the ativan? Ativan will help alot with detox.
Wishing you the best, lots of good people to help you and give advise.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sat Apr 21, 2012 12:53 pm

Thanks for advice. I did not take the bupe w/ the hydrocodone. I feel i made a mistake in not just tapering off the hydrocodone, as i had done pretty well, yet I was not wanting to face the WDs from it about 2 years ago. I read of the suboxone, & of course, thought it would be the answer to the WDs of the Hydrocodone, as well as a way to possibly cover some of the pain. I had no idea that it would become a bigger/substitution/prolonging 'addiction' than my initial problem....in a way (at the time). But maybe I did & just didnt want to really stop the hydrocodone to begin with...kinda hard to think clear right now.

I can not say it was the right/wrong decision really as right now, it is hard to even think. It is day 5 & I struggled to get some sleep last night, & ended up taking melatonin, actually got some rest, but now I can say that I feel very much like I am on LSD. It is kinda sweet in a way, but also bitter as well. Body is just somewhat numb. No re-surge of original pain yet. I have tried to keep my mind busy while awake so that I do not dwell on the way i actually feel too much. Thinking of who i was before pain meds & listening to music of that era is seeming to give me little glimpse of 'hope', yet body seems so drained, to get back into weight-lifting/fitness after this many years away seems impossible at this point. However, It can still happen...just not right this minute.

Yes, you all are very correct, i am going through some WDs. I will take the immodium & reduce the drinks. I had really hoped to speed the process up, but I guess I should listen to my body. Metabolism & previous use, as well as a very tough real life situation seem to play a huge role in this detox as well, as I have detoxed from many things on the concrete floor of a jail cell in 60degree violence hole seperation, & yet this seems to be the worst in ways. Kinda hard to imagine, but maybe it is all relative to attempt of a selfish explination of a void human so tied up in 'how i feel', as I have been for so long. Yet this is our nature/insinct it seems.

I jumped off at 4mg last time with 3 days of 1 mg to help w/WD, but that was too high. I am sure I could have gone lower on this taper & maybe even extended it out another year for a smoother detox, but just cant give my money to people who sell me hope in miracle pills anymore. They are really just a legalized dealer. They have education so society accepts this, & crowns them with prestigious titles. And, I do not say that all are bad, as some really want/think they are helping, but many just worship that dollar & dont care about others.
Sorry to ramble... but my point was that I think this time at .5mg, it should be ok... if not somewhat 'human' again soon.... I might have to find an alternate way... for now, i will take immpodium lrg dose.

Will hopefully check back in later without feeling to be 'tripping', as that is the closest thing i can declare this to feel like today. It is as someone/something has reached into my body & ripped my soul from it.....or maybe someone is trying to put it back in me....idk..very confusing at this point. Thanks for avice again.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby nootlsjr » Sat Apr 21, 2012 5:04 pm

tc, i recomend lsd for wd, but risky.lol. you been tokn to marry??

its sounds like your doing some time traveling, your mind is racing making time feel slower. the funny thing is, we take opoids to slow/ease our brains to quickn time. my travelling days are coming to an end.lol. i hope you feel the same.

my hugs and support. dmbas.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:22 pm

Thanks for advice & suggestions. I took some immodium tablets & im not in severe mental,emotional,or physical pain really. It is just a very odd/uncomfortable feeling. Started to notice overkeen smells from stuff...just feel like i have a football helmet on my head, but of course I do not. However, I am kinda thinking this is not really getting any better... I am still having these 'fit' like episodes of severe depression & terminal doom....even w/ Ativan, & that is running low as well. During this time, I get so cold of bones, yet so hot of skin & literally just 'pass out'. I mean, It overwhelms me & I just wake up an hour later, suprised i'm still alive w/ body seeming to be put through so much grief. I mean, people say you 'CANT DIE FROM DETOX', and that is an appealing rumor, as it is not common/typical to actually die in pain-med detox, but there is nothing in life that comes with an 'IMPOSSIBLE TO DIE WHILE IN..." guarantee.
I mean, panic attacks...they CAN & have resulted in death....they (medical people/pharma-companies) just lie to people.. The key is that they 're-classify' the event...such as "Well, they had a heart-attack"...duh...Yeah, they got overwhelmed & stated to panic & it was too much resulting in heart-attack... This silly myth of 'IMPOSSIBLE to DIE WHILE...(any event in life)" is just ridiculious.
I have enough medical experience & have been through enough detoxes & seen differently. Though maybe not common, (or classified as such a death to the public), it happens.

Has anyone else had this WD effect? It is scaring me a lil bit, but not afraid to die...just not like this..not this early in life....hopefully this is just a typical WD from this GARBAGE.
I wonder is it worth it to go through such misery? I feel I should, but also just ready for this to stop.
Well, i dont mean to ramble, but just trying to sort things out. As for LSD & smoking... no. I dont do that stuff anymore. I did enough of that stuff for years.
Thanks for encouragement & sorry to be so negative. This is just not a 'friendly' detox at all... I think we should do a class action law-suit on suboxone. Just so they would at least have to tell new users of how bad the WD is, & also maybe make them actually EDUCATE the drs who prescribe it. ha.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sat Apr 21, 2012 9:35 pm

I dont blame anyone but me for this. Sorry if i sound to be blaming others or being so much in 'self'.
I am working on getting out of 'self' & this was thought of as a good place to start. :)
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby tw15t3d » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:03 pm

Hey again Texas,
I know you want off these, but I am wondering if you are having these issues because you are tapering too quickly. You went from 4mg. to .5mg in a month? And when you dropped down your dose, how many mg. did you drop, on each drop?
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:33 pm

I know I probably didn't do it properly, but I didn't have much of a choice once i told my DR that I was 'done', (while script still at 2mg BID). I dropped about ~.25 to ~.5 per week with a script of 60 of the 2mgs. I had never even looked online to even check into seeing how long the detox would take, nor was i really anticipating anything more than a few days tops until after i stopped & got to day 3 & was thinking 'I might should look this up online as these WD are nastier than expected, especially for a medicine that was presented to me as a way to 'avoid the harsh WDs'".

At this point, theres no going back to DR as no money = no appointment. I spent limited income on other things & just dont have funds to see DR & this far into this, Im kinda thinking I may as well ride this out. But I'm sure your correct on not doing it right in the taper. I knew it was fast, but I should have done my research from the start. If I could have found this forum earlier (like even before the big 'miracle drug' switch aprox. 2yrs ago), it would have helped a lot in how much i took & how I did a taper. However, I just found this forum into day 4 & its my own fault I didn't look/care to look before i leaped.

I finally ate tonight & went for a short walk. The afternoons/evenings are semi-'ok', but the late night & early morning is just about a nightmare. As mentioned, It comes in the most odd waves of "SMASH!".... and I am overwhelmed. Just blessed God is waking me up as I never remember going to sleep - just the horrible overall engulfment then 'lights out'.

Maybe I should eat more? I was able to hold the food down tonight. Maybe this is progress? Is melatonin safe to take for sleep i guess?
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby tw15t3d » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:34 pm

TexasChemist wrote:Thanks for advice & suggestions. I took some immodium tablets & im not in severe mental,emotional,or physical pain really. It is just a very odd/uncomfortable feeling. Started to notice overkeen smells from stuff...just feel like i have a football helmet on my head, but of course I do not. However, I am kinda thinking this is not really getting any better... I am still having these 'fit' like episodes of severe depression & terminal doom....even w/ Ativan, & that is running low as well. During this time, I get so cold of bones, yet so hot of skin & literally just 'pass out'. I mean, It overwhelms me & I just wake up an hour later, suprised i'm still alive w/ body seeming to be put through so much grief. I mean, people say you 'CANT DIE FROM DETOX', and that is an appealing rumor, as it is not common/typical to actually die in pain-med detox, but there is nothing in life that comes with an 'IMPOSSIBLE TO DIE WHILE IN..." guarantee.
I mean, panic attacks...they CAN & have resulted in death....they (medical people/pharma-companies) just lie to people.. The key is that they 're-classify' the event...such as "Well, they had a heart-attack"...duh...Yeah, they got overwhelmed & stated to panic & it was too much resulting in heart-attack... This silly myth of 'IMPOSSIBLE to DIE WHILE...(any event in life)" is just ridiculious.
I have enough medical experience & have been through enough detoxes & seen differently. Though maybe not common, (or classified as such a death to the public), it happens.

Has anyone else had this WD effect? It is scaring me a lil bit, but not afraid to die...just not like this..not this early in life....hopefully this is just a typical WD from this GARBAGE.
I wonder is it worth it to go through such misery? I feel I should, but also just ready for this to stop.
Well, i dont mean to ramble, but just trying to sort things out. As for LSD & smoking... no. I dont do that stuff anymore. I did enough of that stuff for years.
Thanks for encouragement & sorry to be so negative. This is just not a 'friendly' detox at all... I think we should do a class action law-suit on suboxone. Just so they would at least have to tell new users of how bad the WD is, & also maybe make them actually EDUCATE the drs who prescribe it. ha.



Don't worry about dying from sub withdrawals lol...UNLESS it is dangerously affecting your blood pressure. Do you have blood pressure issues?

Now the ativan, that is a different story, if you decide to quit that, then there are some others that are experienced with benzo's to help you safely ween and jump.

The withdrawal symptoms you describe are normal...but the panic attacks and depression almost direct me to thinking that you might be tapering a bit too quickly. I had these symptoms when I jumped off 1mg a few years back. I couldn't take it anymore and 3 days later caved and relapsed. For those like us who were on long term sub maintenance, a slow steady taper renders a more tolerable jump and acute phase withdrawal process. The most testing part of staying off Suboxone is the longevity of the acute withdrawals and the PAWS.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby tw15t3d » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:47 pm

Ok, I am sorry, I didn't realize you jumped off .5mg 3 days ago! And DUH it's in the title! My eyes must be tired! I hope I didn't scare ya! Ok well no you can't look back, keep going. Since you jumped, go ALL OUT with the Immodium. Take 5 a day, if that doesn't help, you can take up to 10. I have to warn you though, I am still on Immodium and working on tapering THAT because it is pretty much a synthetic opiate minus the high feeling, so if you are on it long term, make sure to ween of that as well(which isn't bad).

Yes take melatonin, that has helped a lot of people here during detox! And eat WELL and HEALTHY! During the acute phase, my experience was I would easily get the shakes if I didn't eat properly. Your mind and body are healing, and everything you are going through is because of that.

And BIG congrats to your jump my friend!
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:53 pm

Ok twisted. thanks for letting me know that this is typical WD. As for BP, its ok...but nobody sets out to have a heart-attack or stroke. I mean, even athletes, and other physically fit people have these due to odd circumstances/stress/or just unknown reasons. I guess its just a little of the panic disorder coming out in me from the WD, but if you say this is normal, then that makes me feel much better.

Its sad when people who are desperate to get off of a highly addictive chemical turn to 'professionals' & the 'professionals' use them to make their fat wallets fatter, & sell lies to the person addicted. I mean, not all people set out to 'get hooked'....ha.. it can happen to anyone, & there is no avoiding it unless you just refuse the pain meds from the start (considering a person who is disabled/injury).
Then we have to rely on others who have been through same garbage to sanely help us make it through the 2nd addiction the doctor/pharma-comp sold us. ha.

I have not even started to think of PAWS. I am still taking it 1 minute at a time. And I DO appreciate the words of wisdom on the issue. I dont know it all, nor do i mean to sound like it. It just gets me so upset to think of it all & all the others who have gone through such.
Anyways, not trying to throw 'pity party' for self, but just get upset thinking of it is all.
Thanks again tw15t3d - much appreciated & thanks special K & tia & nootlsjr for welcome/advice. I am not gonna give up. Not today.
Last edited by TexasChemist on Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby tw15t3d » Sat Apr 21, 2012 10:56 pm

Oh and hot showers are great! If you feel WD'ish take a hot shower or bath. Do a lot of stretching, exercising. Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen are good for chills. If you have RLS, potassium and magnesium...stretching and walking around.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby tw15t3d » Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:01 pm

TexasChemist wrote:Ok twisted. thanks for letting me know that this is typical WD. As for BP, its ok...but nobody sets out to have a heart-attack or stroke. I mean, even athletes, and other physically fit people have these due to odd circumstances/stress/or just unknown reasons. I guess its just a little of the panic disorder coming out in me from the WD, but if you say this is normal, then that makes me feel much better.

Its sad when people who are desperate to get off of a highly addictive chemical turn to 'professionals' & the 'professionals' use them to make their fat wallets fatter, & sell lies to the person addicted. I mean, not all people set out to 'get hooked'....ha.. it can happen to anyone, & there is no avoiding it unless you just refuse the pain meds from the start (considering a person who is disabled/injury).
Then we have to rely on others who have been through same garbage to sanely help us make it through the 2nd addiction the doctor/pharma-comp sold us. ha.

I have not even started to think of PAWS. I am still taking it 1 minute at a time. And I DO appreciate the words of wisdom on the issue. I dont know it all, nor do i mean to sound like it. It just gets me so upset to think of it all & all the others who have gone through such.
Anyways, not trying to throw 'pity party' for self, but just get upset thinking of it is all.
Thanks again tw15t3d - much appreciated & thanks special K & tia for welcome/advice. I am not gonna give up. Not today.



Yeah I totally agree with you about the doctors. I think a good sub doctor administers and weens within a week. That is how it should be. But the doctors who do maintenance, they are either stupid or greedy. Don't be so hard on yourself neither, you came to your senses after two years, that's pretty damn smart! I came to after 5, lol.

And don't worry about your rants, this is your thread. :D I just hope your steam blowing helps you feel better!

Have a good night Texas, good luck to you!
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:05 pm

Thanks again. If i can sleep & wake, I will update tomorrow. Hopefully change from day 5 to 6 is good. ha... maybe im dreaming. At least im not in panic, choking on tears or my own vomit. progress is progress. :D
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby SubSucker » Sun Apr 22, 2012 7:33 am

Hope you're feeling better today Texas.

Hang tough brother,

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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby AddictAJ » Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:53 am

Hey Texas,

You are doing great considering you're less than a week into WD. It can be scary at times, my worst moments are always in the middle of the night when I'm so restless that i would literally jump out of my own skin if I could. I'm working on 3 months off sub (well, actually I really jumped in Jan but was really stupid & took 1 mg once in Feb so that's my real clean date I guess) & I still have the random off day/night. I was on anywhere from 12mg to 1 mg sub for about a year after a 5 yr run with pain pills (which started with a legit need for them, like you). It takes time but it seems like you are determined & most importantly, angry. Get pissed at your drs & get pissed at sub! Nothing motivates a person like anger, ya know?
Definitely use the immodium - I'm actually still taking it every other day right now but I have an 18 month old son that I have to be able to function for - there's no mental addiction to anti-poopy pills (lol) so the stuff is relatively easy to taper & jump - plus it's OTC so no dr appt, etc. At the point you're at in the acute phase, I was taking at least 5 but up to 10 per day - it really helps with the bathroom issues & heebie jeebies when you can't just lay in bed & tough it out. Also melatonin is perfectly safe to keep taking - those are honestly the only "comfort meds" I used at all (well, I do smoke weed but not during the day lol) & I survived, haha. Be aware that once you start to feel human physically again that you may have lingering emotional issues...that's my biggest complaint right now.
Hang in there & just try to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel...it takes time to heal, but you will start to FEEL again soon...sometimes it's not easy to let yourself really feel emotions & sensations again because we are so used to numbing ourselves with opiates. Whenever I experience a new emotion or sensation, good or bad, I remind myself that this is what 'normal' people feel & that makes me happy. Colors will seem brighter, you already mentioned your over active sense of smell - right now everything probably smells like the pits of hell but soon enough you'll actually be able to smell rain, or freshly cut grass, or the salt from an ocean breeze (depending on where u are lol, I'm in FL so the ocean is a huge part of me-I cried when I smelled that smell for the first time in years). At first all these new feelings & sensations will feel scary & alien...as time goes on, they will be good experiences. Does that make sense?
I gues I just want to let you know that it most certainly DOES get better. You just gotta hold on till your body gets used to having those opiate receptors 'free' again. You can do this & you are doing it! No sense in looking back or playing the 'what if' or 'coulda, shoulda woulda' game with yourself. You're here now & we will support you through this...that's all that matters. :D

Stay Strong!

AJ
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby TexasChemist » Sun Apr 22, 2012 11:00 am

Thanks AJ. It is always good to hear of the light. I guess we do not realize how much in the dark the meds can make us. I read some other posts by the owner/creator of this forum on how we kinda get 'sucked' into the darkness & as things clear, I can see that to be very true. I love my sense & though I have bad allergies, I am getting lots of smells, but thats nothing I'm worried or bothered by. It is the emotional/mental sense that seems to hurt the most. Its overwhelming sometimes as i mention earlier in the thread. I really want this to be over ASAP, so i have not taken a whole lot of Immodium, max of 2 tabs a day, & I have been trying to flush system as best as possible as I don't have kids to care for, nor a 'go-to-work' type of job.
Good side is that I can fight this out, bad side is that I don't have much to look forward to in the sense of life, but hopefully energy will be restored soon & I will see things differently soon.

The month of the fast taper was not nice & most nights ended in pain (mental/emotional/physical), so i have been feeling 'bad' for over a month now, but while I had at least some meds in me, I didn't really go through hard WDs in that time, but it got me semi-prepared for what is happening/happened. I kinda did a personal '12 step program' between me & God. It was hard & I didn't realize how much of an 'abomination' (vile/disgusting person) I really was to myself & in the eyes of others. It was painful to think of all my wrongs in life & name them all to God, but I did my best & asked for forgiveness, as well as asked to be brought out of this 'hell'. I was having flashes from years & years & years back. I named them all 1 by 1 to Him & I really felt regret for them all. I think can/will help anyone who is willing to get this brutaly honest w/ themselves & get rid of ALL THE GARBAGE & not just the stuff we took to cloud it/not think of it. (meds etc..)

I feel much more human today. Almost close to 'normal' in a way. I have to admit that I kept drinking recovery lemonade drinks, as i WANTED THIS OUT of me, and I wanted it out fast. I will say that I have been blessed to have had this much clarity in this short of time. I am not familiar w/ pain-med detox, & I'm not claiming to be 'cured', but I do feel much better today. I didnt eat really until yesterday, but that sure seemed to help. Thanks again to all who have shown support. If the worst part is over, then I am happy. If this is just a temp break, then I hope it goes away so i can fight this garbage till I win & come out a new man.
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Re: On day 4 from 4yr hydrocodone+ 2 year buprenorphin

Postby wastedtime » Sun Apr 22, 2012 2:04 pm

HI TC,I just wanted to say welcome to he boards and a big congrats on getting off he sub.You seem very determined and i really like how you did a 12 step with God.Like you said,good to get that garbage out.personally,my memory is shot so i doubt i'd be able to think of everything ive done wrong all at once.Maybe I will start writing them down as i think of them.Those thoughts of wrongs do pop ino my head from out of no where
it seems.You are already an inspiration to me and I wish you all the best,hugs and peace,Goldie
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