49 Days Off Subs from 8mgs PAWS Post Acute Withdrawal

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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:45 am

Hey yuppers...what a bunch of goons they were....are you serious? Hope you had a good Friday night. I sprayed poison all afternoon....I live on 4 acres of grass and weeds!
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
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Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Sun Jun 07, 2015 10:52 am

Cheeps,

Friday night was fun. I briefly talked about it on Anne’s thread but my girlfriend’s friend from South Florida came up and crashed at my place. Had three other friends over and we stayed up late drinking wine and listening to music, acting like kids when none of us are. It was fun. I felt it on Saturday morning and I’m not drinking again for a while. Unfortunately, I had to work for about two hours on Saturday because of an emergency. It wasn’t an emergency but it could’ve turned into one if I didn’t work so at least I made a save. I just wish I didn’t have a hangover when I was doing it. Climbing ladders sucks when you feel like that.

I couldn’t imagine what tending to four acres would be like. I have a normal sized yard and it’s a pain in the ass sometimes. Right now it’s the rainy season here so I need to cut my grass once a week but it doesn’t stop raining much, the temperature is high, and the humidity is usually 80% or higher. It’s like wading through soup. Mowing a lawn, or actually doing anything outside, is a test in endurance and I don’t know how some people work outside this time of year. They’re building a new office park across the street from my job and I see the guys out there all day laying bricks and I feel for them. It’s not the job, as there’s nothing wrong with construction and I’ve thought of doing it myself before, but it's the disgusting weather. Every year the summers get worse down here and they start sooner.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch around 1am. I left my nicotine patch on but woke up later in the night and took it off. I slept until after 10am, which usually never happens. I remember waking up when the sun was coming up but fell back asleep. That’s one thing I’ll say about overcast days – it makes it easier for me to sleep. I know today will be another lazy day if I don’t get off the couch but I need to. I need clean clothes and I need groceries. I know it can be easy to sit back on the couch and throw on Netflix or something, as I kind of have that malaise going on so far today, but I can’t do that. It’s not depression and I’m not upset about anything really but I just feel run down. I don’t know if it’s PAWS related, because I drank too much Friday night, or a combination of multiple factors but I know it’s not the kind of lethargy I felt from sub withdrawal and that makes me happy.

Cheeps, I wanted to kill those two goons (I’m stealing that) that were putting the sign in my front yard Friday morning but I was polite and assertive. It was genuinely scary though, as banks have foreclosed on people without much notice in the past and here I am, paying my mortgage every month and I wake up one day to find out my house is for sale when two idiots are putting up a sign. I just can’t believe they didn’t look at the numbers on the house before working. If I remember the advice from school it was “measure twice and cut once.” They didn’t even really measure but started cutting. What a bunch of dunces.

I want to type more but I also want to get off the couch, get showered, and start my day. I also want to lay on the couch all day watching old Star Trek episodes or classic movies, drifting in and out of naps as it’s going to rain all day starting in about an hour or so (supposedly). I just feel like I need one of those days but I’ve had many of those days before and should probably spend the days I have left being more productive because starting tomorrow morning I’ll be at work again.

Anne, Cheeps, RC: keep it up. I’m glad everybody’s still on board. I just realized that I’m at day 75. I didn’t even think about the day number yesterday because I felt like shit and then had to work. That’s weird that I didn’t think about what day I was on, as I was preoccupied with other things. Okay, now I really have to get a move on because the cat is basically begging, prostrating at my feet for food and I need to begin the day. I hate the smell of wet cat food and just thinking about it makes me think of what Cheeps said about certain smells bringing on PAWS. I hope that doesn’t happen with my kitty’s wet food but I’m prepared. :-)

Cheeps and Anne – I like the new avatars.

I think I’m also going to put this record on while I get the day rolling.

Off subs since 3/25/15
"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:16 pm

I just realized that I’m at day 75. I didn’t even think about the day number yesterday because I felt like shit and then had to work. That’s weird that I didn’t think about what day I was on, as I was preoccupied with other things.


Well....it took 75 days from an 8mg jump.....but there's the PROGRESS on the process!!! 8-) 8-)


Nice tunes! :thumbup:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:08 pm

I will say that at day 75 I feel better physically and mentally. I’ve been trying to make sure I’m walking more and started jogging also. I’ve kept up my vitamin regimen and started eating better foods. I’m not unflawed (I had a lamb gyro yesterday that was amazing but will totally give you a heart attack) but I’ve been trying to instill healthier habits. It takes time to undo a habit and make one stick and I’m curious which ones will stay and which ones won’t.

Also, I was walking today and it was the first time in a while that I’ve actually had a craving for opiates. Yes, I wanted one when I saw that picture of a Vicodin online but I haven’t actually craved one mentally without any external suggestions. It passed very quickly and now I don’t want one. I think it’s because I’m actually feeling better and that’s when you can make stupid mistakes, thinking that when you’re feeling well that you can treat yourself without consequences. Marcus was mentioning this when he took an 8mg sub strip the other day. I can be guilty of doing this also but I really want to stay away from opiates. I’m not getting any younger and I can’t keep this up for the rest of my life.

Cheeps, thank you for the positivity. It’s definitely helpful and is motivating. I don’t know what tomorrow will be like but I know that today is going pretty well, even with the craving I had earlier. I hope everybody else is doing well. It’s starting to get dark out here so I’m going to take a walk before the sun sets. It’s the perfect temperature right now, at least by Florida summer standards. Anne, RC, I hope today is going well. I’m going to check Anne’s thread after my walk. Just stay in the fight, as this weekend has proven, I will probably always want opiates but I have to have the willpower to not want them. A long time ago a friend of mine called it “poor impulse control.” I think there’s some truth to that and that I’m able to stay off opiates, control my impulses, and not relapse ever. The one silver lining of this whole process is I now know how shitty subs are. :-/

And I listened to this record this afternoon and it was perfect. :-)

Off subs since 3/25/15
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby rc51guy » Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:43 am

Good stuff yup! I think im at day 68 here....and I feel "Ok". Im worn down from working so much and my sleep pattern is so screwed up from working nights so hard to say how I would actually feel if I was sleeping normally. Mentally I feel decent....just tired. lol
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”
― John Milton
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby yup. » Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:58 am

Day 76 started like the days before this weekend: I was up with the sun but was able to fall asleep again. It wasn’t the most peaceful sleep but it was sleep. Yesterday I could’ve slept in until much later than I did but instead decided to get up. I probably should’ve listened to my body and slept but my brain was saying “get up” and do something. It’s possible this is the struggle I’m going to deal with for a while, as my body is still stuck on the circadian rhythm, waking up with the sun, but my brain wants more sleep.

I’m in my car at the moment, stealing Wi-Fi from the coffee shop, and it’s not a bad day. I woke up hating that I was awake, feeling that normal feeling where I wished I’d died in my sleep but once I got moving I started feeling a little better. It’s odd because Saturday was good (even with the hangover) and I didn’t think about what day I was on. Yesterday was decent also and I took a decent walk at dusk. I didn’t jog any but I think I’ll do that tonight. I think exercise will help and I need to force myself into doing it more. My job keeps me pretty active but I still look forward to some of the physical exertions at my job the same way I look forward to a dentist’s visit – with annoyance and apathy. That doesn’t mean I won’t do the job but I don’t like it.

It’s only two weeks until I hit 90 days. It seems like an eternity but it’ll be here before I know it. It’s weird that I didn’t have any unsolicited cravings for opiates until yesterday, 75 days removed from kicking subs, but it didn’t last too long. It was more like I kept thinking about how nice it would be to take one, hang out on the couch and maybe watch a movie or listen to some music. The craving went away pretty quickly but it reminded me of how easy it is to fall back into the old thought processes and that I’ll always need to be on guard for that. Okay, maybe not on guard but I still have a ways to go before those cravings can be put aside immediately. Maybe I’ll never get to that point and that’s the struggle I’ll live with for the rest of my life. I think I can live with that if I can just shake the PAWS. I know they’ll start to subside around six months and then gradually fade away but impatience is a bitch and I find myself filled with it sometimes.

Unfortunately, I need to get ready to head into work. I hit snooze twice today. I was up about 15 minutes before the alarm went off, praying to myself that it was still earlier than it was and that I had an hour or two before the buzzing from my phone started but that wasn’t the case. Such is life.

Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, and anybody else I’m forgetting, I hope you’re still in the fight and things are going well so far today. It’s a Monday and that means I have to start the week again. Five long days of bullshit, going into a place I don’t want to be but need to be because I live in a world where money rules supreme and I need it to survive. In college I learned about Maslow hierarchy of needs and I know I need to satisfy the basics on the pyramid and that requires employment. I’m not sure if that means I have to enjoy it. I just hope everybody is still on board and that they’re feeling good about today. I’m trying to and know that it’s PAWS that’s creating those sad bastard thoughts.

This song helped motivate me this morning. Yes, everything by Torche is a little cheesy after the first record and ep but there are some gems on their second record. I’ll check in again at lunch. :-)

Off subs since 3/25/15
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Re: 49 Days Off Subs and Today was Terrible

Postby cheeps » Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:16 am

yup. wrote:Day 76 started like the days before this weekend: I was up with the sun but was able to fall asleep again. It wasn’t the most peaceful sleep but it was sleep. Yesterday I could’ve slept in until much later than I did but instead decided to get up. I probably should’ve listened to my body and slept but my brain was saying “get up” and do something. It’s possible this is the struggle I’m going to deal with for a while, as my body is still stuck on the circadian rhythm, waking up with the sun, but my brain wants more sleep.

I’m in my car at the moment, stealing Wi-Fi from the coffee shop, and it’s not a bad day. I woke up hating that I was awake, feeling that normal feeling where I wished I’d died in my sleep but once I got moving I started feeling a little better. It’s odd because Saturday was good (even with the hangover) and I didn’t think about what day I was on. Yesterday was decent also and I took a decent walk at dusk. I didn’t jog any but I think I’ll do that tonight. I think exercise will help and I need to force myself into doing it more. My job keeps me pretty active but I still look forward to some of the physical exertions at my job the same way I look forward to a dentist’s visit – with annoyance and apathy. That doesn’t mean I won’t do the job but I don’t like it.

It’s only two weeks until I hit 90 days. It seems like an eternity but it’ll be here before I know it. It’s weird that I didn’t have any unsolicited cravings for opiates until yesterday, 75 days removed from kicking subs, but it didn’t last too long. It was more like I kept thinking about how nice it would be to take one, hang out on the couch and maybe watch a movie or listen to some music. The craving went away pretty quickly but it reminded me of how easy it is to fall back into the old thought processes and that I’ll always need to be on guard for that. Okay, maybe not on guard but I still have a ways to go before those cravings can be put aside immediately. Maybe I’ll never get to that point and that’s the struggle I’ll live with for the rest of my life. I think I can live with that if I can just shake the PAWS. I know they’ll start to subside around six months and then gradually fade away but impatience is a bitch and I find myself filled with it sometimes.

Unfortunately, I need to get ready to head into work. I hit snooze twice today. I was up about 15 minutes before the alarm went off, praying to myself that it was still earlier than it was and that I had an hour or two before the buzzing from my phone started but that wasn’t the case. Such is life.

Anne, Cheeps, RC, Run, and anybody else I’m forgetting, I hope you’re still in the fight and things are going well so far today. It’s a Monday and that means I have to start the week again. Five long days of bullshit, going into a place I don’t want to be but need to be because I live in a world where money rules supreme and I need it to survive. In college I learned about Maslow hierarchy of needs and I know I need to satisfy the basics on the pyramid and that requires employment. I’m not sure if that means I have to enjoy it. I just hope everybody is still on board and that they’re feeling good about today. I’m trying to and know that it’s PAWS that’s creating those sad bastard thoughts.



I bold this because you have described in a few short paragraphs what life is close to 90 days. The na/aa people put those 30, 60, 90 day markers (plus or minus a week or so) in place for this reason.....it does have to do with the body's natural rhythm of healing...and while Everyone is Different....the earth and sky are the same and cause us to go thru cycles. I believe this with all my Mother Nature's heart. :D 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
User avatar
cheeps
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Posts: 9349
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:15 pm

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