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On assertiveness

Postby cheeps » Tue Nov 08, 2016 11:20 am

Why is assertiveness so much more difficult for some people to learn and practice than others?

The Answer:

Assertiveness is most difficult for those who grew up in households that either actively or passively discouraged emotional expression.

Both are examples of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).

Growing up in a household where your emotions are either actively discouraged or punished, or simply ignored takes a toll on you, a developing child.

You internalize the message that your feelings, your needs, your views don’t matter.

It’s a belief that’s rooted in childhood feelings.

That belief / feeling is powerful, and it stays with you throughout your life.

Don’t make waves
Don’t talk about anything negative
Don’t let anyone else know what you feel, need or think
Don’t take up too much space

All of these messages are powerful deterrents to assertiveness.

They make you feel, deep within yourself, that speaking up for yourself is not only a burden to others, it’s also just plain wrong.

You may not even be aware of this feeling, but nevertheless it commands you.

Every day, in every difficult or conflictual situation you encounter, this feeling tells you…

You don’t have the right to have things your way.

Enter Manuel Smith, PhD, who wrote perhaps the first book about assertiveness, way back in 1975.

In this book called When I Say No I Feel Guilty, he outlines Your Ten Assertive Rights. Here they are, paraphrased…

Your 10 Assertive Rights
You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts and emotions and to be responsible for them.
You have the right to offer no excuses or explanations for your decisions.
You have the right to judge whether you’re responsible for solving other people’s problems.
You have the right to change your mind.
You have the right to make mistakes — and be responsible for them.
You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others.
You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”
You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

If you grew up with Emotional Neglect, you may have cringed a bit as you read Dr. Smith’s Ten Rights.

Do you find them a bit excessive?
Audacious?
Selfish?

Perhaps you grew up with some very different messages, like the ones below.

The CEN Version of Your 10 Assertive Rights
You don’t have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts and emotions, but you still must be responsible for them.
You always must offer excuses or explanations for your decisions.
You are responsible for solving other people’s problems.
You don’t have the right to change your mind.
You don’t have the right to make mistakes — but if you do, you are still responsible for them.
You don’t have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
You are dependent upon the goodwill of others.
You don’t have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
You don’t have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”
You don’t have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

Perhaps in your childhood you received the CEN version of all of these rights.

Perhaps you only received a few.

Either way, those beliefs are now deeply rooted within you.

Assertiveness requires a certain skill-set that you can definitely learn.

But you can learn every skill involved in assertiveness and still be unable to use them…

Until you finally realize that you can use them.

Until you realize that you should.

Until you realize that, contrary to what that powerful, deeply buried CEN voice tells you:

It is your own fundamental human right to want, ask for, and have things your way.
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Alternative to drugs....anxiety buster...feelings too

Postby cheeps » Tue Nov 08, 2016 1:06 pm

Behaviorist Joseph Wolpe developed the Subjective Unit of Distress Scale (SUDS) as an indication of how strong the issue, feeling or belief causes distress for you, the subject. The SUDS level is an indicator of how much energetic interference you have around an issue using a scale of one to ten. A level of one is very small distress with ten being the highest amount energetic charge. The SUDS level is obtained before and after a treatment to determine the shifts in your emotional intensity levels as you work the issue.


0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not upset A little upset Quite a bit! Over the top!


Think about something that makes you feel sad, lost, rejected or unhappy. Get a SUDS level on a one to ten scale on your sadness. Say out loud three times, “I love and accept myself even though I’m sad about _____.”

Tap briskly beside your armpit on your chest near the outside of your scapula where your undershirt or bra strap would be. Slowly tap across the front of your shoulder and down the middle of the inside of your arm to the outside of your thumb at the fingernail until you find a tender or sore spot. This may be a blockage of energy that can release through acupressure.

Breathe deeply as you tap into that tender spot while thinking about sadness. Honor those feelings of sadness and tap on the sore spot until it decreases. Repeat the tapping and looking for a tender point on the lung meridian on your other arm.

Tap the outsides of your thumbs together. Say, “I forgive myself for feeling sad. Sadness is a normal emotion when I experience loss of something important.”

Cross your arms on your chest just below your throat and tap near the scapula near your arms while taking three long, deep breaths.

Tap on the side of your hand just below your little finger while you say, “I accept myself for being a normal human being with normal feelings of sadness.” Take a deep breath into the sad feelings and visualize the feelings release.

Tap on the back of the web of your hand between your ring finger and little finger. Say, “I forgive myself for being attached to _____. I forgive myself for investing my self-esteem in this person or object. I am a good person with sad feelings about being attached to _____.”

Breathe in and out and visualize yourself releasing sad feelings. Hold your head still and roll your eyes in a big circle three times while taking deep breaths. Say, “I accept these sad feelings. I am a good person even if I feel sad.”

Check your SUDS level. How sad are you now? Repeat as necessary with any tender place on the lung meridian.
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Re: articles and blurbs go here

Postby cheeps » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:28 pm

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Re: articles and blurbs go here

Postby cheeps » Wed Apr 19, 2017 8:27 pm

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stop overthinking.

Postby cheeps » Fri Apr 21, 2017 10:26 am

You are one step away from feeling happy. Except that you think too much. Come to think of it – overthinking might be the reason that’s holding you back from living the live you really want.

You tend to dwell too much on a minor problem that it starts to get more terrifying than it actually is.

Or you become too overwhelmed when things are going good for you that you end up analyzing why you are happy in the first place.

When you do this, you begin to self-sabotage your life in the most silently destructive way possible.



To create a smarter and brighter outlook in life, you can learn from these nine simple ways:

1) Broaden your perspective

Try reflecting on your thoughts and actions within the grand scheme of things. When things start to bother you, ask yourself if it would still matter in five years, or even five weeks? If it doesn’t, snap out of it and focus on things that matter.

2) Set deadlines for decision-making

Do not subject yourself to agony by overanalyzing every decision you make. No matter how big or small your decision is, it will be useless if you don’t act upon it. The sooner you make a decision, the sooner you can spring into action.

3) Get things done

Now that you have learned to set deadlines for decision-making, the most important part is to turn your decision into concrete action. Get things done one step at a time so you won’t overwork yourself.

4) Stop being a control freak

You have to realize that some things are beyond your control. If you accept this reality, you will stop thinking things through and will be comfortable with letting the universe take care of itself.

5) Take a break

When you are not in a good shape to think about things, you can always take a break. Your mind and body must be in good condition when you want to deal with an issue constructively.

6) Do not be paralyzed by fear

Don’t be stagnated with your vague sense of fear. Fear will only paralyze your capacity to decide and act upon issues intelligently.



7) Exercise

Exercising or working out can help you let go of unnecessary stress in life. With a clearer mind space, you’ll be better at making smart decisions and consequently – wise actions.

8) Be present at the moment

By dealing with your life at the moment, you will spend less time overthinking about past actions you can never change anymore, and responses to future scenarios (which you can’t predict by the way). Live at the moment by slowing down on life. Be more aware of what you are doing and what is happening in your surroundings. Take it all in with your senses.

9) Surround yourself with positive people

Create an environment where you can truly be optimistic. Spend your time with positive-oriented people so they can influence you to think the same. With a good social environment, you will start to see that there is no value in overthinking things.

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comments from outgoing surgeon general

Postby cheeps » Sat Apr 22, 2017 2:15 pm

For now, Murthy isn’t commenting on the details of his departure. In a statement on Facebook, he shared some of the lessons he learned on the job — reflecting the daily yogi’s usual outspoken concerns about well-being and kindness:

1. Kindness is more than a virtue. It is a source of strength. If we teach our children to be kind and remind each other of the same, we can live from a place of strength, not fear. I have seen this strength manifest every day in the words and actions of people all across our great nation. It is what gives me hope that we can heal during challenging times.

2. We will only be successful in addressing addiction – and other illnesses – when we recognize the humanity within each of us. People are more than their disease. All of us are more than our worst mistakes. We must ensure our nation always reflects a fundamental value: every life matters.

3. Healing happens when we are able to truly talk to and connect with each other. That means listening and understanding. It means assuming good, not the worst. It means pausing before we judge. Building a more connected America will require us to find new ways to talk to each other.

4. The world is locked in a struggle between love and fear. Choose love. Always. It is the world's oldest medicine. It is what we need to build a nation that is safe and strong for us and our children.
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Re: articles and blurbs go here

Postby cheeps » Tue Apr 25, 2017 1:18 pm

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Re: articles and blurbs go here

Postby cheeps » Sat May 27, 2017 1:18 pm

Mindfulness for anxiety doesn't have to be hard.


Anxiety can manifest itself both physically and emotionally in the body. This can leave us feeling exhausted and desperate for anxiety relief. Aside from mindfulness meditation, there are other techniques that can help reduce repetitive thoughts and mind wandering in just 10 minutes or less, from chewing gum to listening to music.

CHEW GUM
Chewing on a piece of gum may help reduce anxiety and reduce our stress levels almost immediately, but with long-term effects. For example, a 2011 study found people who chewed gum twice a day for 14 days, were more likely to rate their anxiety as significantly less than their counterparts. Moreover, other researchers found chewing gum while completing memory-related tasks led to quicker reaction times and more focus. Anxious people struggle with repetitive thoughts, but chewing gum could act as a buffer to these behaviors.

DRINK TEA
Drinking herbal tea, specifically kava tea, has been shown to affect brain chemistry in the same way as anti-anxiety drugs. The tea, derived from kava root, has been touted for helping anxious people relax and release their fears. A 2013 study found it could be as effective as current drug treatments, without the risk of dependency and a lessened likelihood for side effects.

WATCH A VIRAL VIDEO
Laughing is a great way to relax and let go of any anxious thoughts in your head. A 2006 study found bouts of laughter leads to an increase in blood flow and boosts immunity. Stress hormones intertwine with anxiety, but laughing continues to decrease anxiety over time via dopamine.

LISTEN TO MUSIC
Sound therapy is known as a popular way to relax and drown out the world via earphones. A 2016 study found listening to the song "Weightless" led to a 65 percent reduction in anxiety, and a 35 percent reduction in usual physiological resting rates in participants who attempted to solve difficult puzzles as quickly as possible while connected to sensors. The song, created by the group Marconi Union, did so in collaboration with therapists to help slow a listener’s heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
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could be,helpful

Postby cheeps » Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:59 am

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I recommend probiotics

Postby cheeps » Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:41 pm

How Healthy Are Your Bugs

© Lynne Namka, Ed. D.

Years ago my brilliant psychiatrist friend told me that “bugs” were the medicine of the future. Bugs? Turns out he may be right according to the new line of research that is coming in that shows many mental and physical problems originate in the stomach which has come under the control of internal flora and fauna that prevent healthy digestion. Right now, 90% of the cells in your body are microbial. These microbes –– a general term for bacteria and other molecular organisms –– are present throughout the body. So the question is how healthy are the bugs and bacteria that share your body?

The human microbiome is the collection of all of these microbes. This means –– you guessed it
–– 90% of your body is actually your microbiome. Keeping it balanced can have huge benefits not only for your digestion, but your brain, skin, immune system, and a host of other functions.

New research shows that anxiety and depression as well as a host of other mental and physical illnesses can be related to poor digestion and gut dysbiosis or stomach trouble. Seven, high-quality studies in which probiotics were administered showed people having positive results in health or mood. People who have high stress and emotional reactions and inflammatory or autoimmune diseases should take note of this research and follow it on the internet. Here’s one study:

The present study aimed to test if a multispecies probiotic containing Bifidobacterium bifidum, Bifidobacterium lactis, Lactobacillus acidophilus, Lactobacillus brevis, Lactobacillus casei W56, Lactobacillus salivarius, and Lactococcus lactis may reduce cognitive reactivity in non-depressed individuals. Results: Compared to participants who received the placebo intervention, participants who received the 4-week multispecies probiotics intervention showed a significantly reduced overall cognitive reactivity to sad mood, which was largely accounted for by reduced rumination and aggressive thoughts.

A second study from different researchers showed probiotics helped the brain:

“…bacteria ingested in food can affect brain function in humans. In an early proof-of-concept study of healthy women, they found that women who regularly consumed beneficial bacteria known as probiotics through yogurt showed altered brain function, both while in a resting state and in response to an emotion-recognition task.”

Probiotics have a direct effect on brain chemistry helping normalize the whole body. The authors found that the vagus nerve is the main relay between the microbiome (bacteria in the gut) and the brain. This is the microbiome-gut-brain axis.

Numerous animal studies show the same results. Here’s one: Mice fed with Lactobacillus rhamnosus JB-1 showed significantly fewer stress, anxiety and depression-related behaviors than those fed with just broth. And the stress-induced hormone, corticosterone, was reduced.


How Probiotics Help

Probiotics change the biochemistry which live in the gut and interfere with digestion. Adding 'friendly' bacteria to the gut helps digestion which then transfers over to a calmer body and mind. Probiotics help modulate positive immune system responses via the gut's mucosal immune system. They help decrease inflammation in the serum CRP levels and reduce bacteria-induced production of proinflammatory cytokines in peripheral blood mononuclear cells.

One of the many biochemical changes observed by the researchers was a change in how mice treated with probiotics metabolized bile acids. These acids are made by the liver and their primary function is to emulsify fats in the upper gut. If probiotics can influence the way in which bile acids are metabolized, this means they could change how much fat the body is able to absorb.

Antibiotics kill off the "bad" bacteria but also destroy the "good" bacteria in the large intestine. So if you must use antibiotics, be sure to supplement between the doses with large amount of different strains of probiotics. Taking probiotics doesn’t diminish the effectiveness of antibiotics. The effects of probiotics doses are short-lived, so they should be taken throughout a course of antibiotic therapy. The probiotics rarely caused adverse effects, even in children.

And yes, we need lots of different kinds of probiotics and they need to be replenished daily. Probiotic doses of more than 5 billion colony-forming units per day for children and more than 10 billion colony-forming units per day for adults were associated with the best outcomes.

No good saying, “But I eat yogurt” and thinking that will do it. Yogurt might help but it is highly processed with sugar added and you are not getting the large number of the good bugs to rebuild your system and any single brand has only a few strains of probiotics. There are numerous strains that you can add to have a better operating gut. Switch it up. For example, keifer is a cultured milk drink that comes originally from the nomads of central Asia. Greek yogurt gives you a different culture than the American types.

Probiotics ─ cultures of "good" microorganisms similar to those normally found in the gut ─ have been promoted as restoring the microbial balance disrupted by antibiotics and infections. Do take several types and brands of probiotics during antibiotic use to keep the good bacteria from being killed off.

Probiotic bacterial strains are added to certain yogurts, keifer drinks, juice and probiotics-infused coconut waters. Switch brands and types of products often to get a more balanced blend.

Unpasteurized sauerkraut, kimchi, miso and other fermented foods can be found in the refrigeration case at health food and ethnic food stores.

I suggest you look at research on the internet before choosing a brand of probiotics. Choose one that does not require refrigeration so that the probiotics are not destroyed in shipping. Choose one that has 11 or more different strains.

There are many web sites out there that show you how to make yogurt, keifer and water keifer inexpensively to make your gut and your immune system strong. And that will strengthen your happy mood.
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