The Truck's Out of The Water.

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The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Thu Apr 03, 2014 1:56 pm

Okay, so what the fuck (sorry) was I thinking besides the fact that I wasn't thinking about the fact that I wasn't thinking. I ran from MENTAL pain to painkillers, and shit if that crap doesn't work?? For your soul they do. My Dad was always a very good dad in that he was willing to be unliked if it was in my best interest. The one thing that was never clear to me was that life was going to be freagin' painful.

In some ways all the crap that ever hurts in life is what teaches you, but maybe my attitude is still cynical. Yeah you know what I mean? Laugh much Jason? I swear, I have no idea how I wound up not missing the simple joys of life. I may never know.

Well you have to accept the good with the bad, you have to endure life and cherish it rather than take it for granted. Life is a precious thing, we only have one life to live. I'm sure everyone has heard this all or maybe not.
Because easy has no meaning.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby cheeps » Thu Apr 03, 2014 3:45 pm

So....the psychologist in me sez.....what's your pain about?

Failure
Dysfunction parents
Child pervert
war
ugly death?
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Thu Apr 03, 2014 5:43 pm

Cheeps, for me I grew up in an emotional foggy mess where my expectations of people where too high, I look at the world around me and it always pains me to see hurt people hurting hurt people and just knowing that our way of life involves pain.

I'll post some more details but I've hinted at some crap but I learned about this escape when I was a teenager dealing with women in my life, I used to to internalize what I had trouble accepting.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Apr 03, 2014 7:08 pm

You can PM anyone on the board if you need to vent privately. The rule is...what's said in PMs stays in PMs and you can trust the folks here.
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby cheeps » Thu Apr 03, 2014 7:58 pm

I understand your first statement as I can relate well to it.

The second....not so much because sentence structure. :lol: 8-)

Jules is correct, and.... no one here (us mods) looks at other peeps stuff either...we don't even know how! :mrgreen:

It's not anon here....if peeps you know, know your forum ID's, they can find you easily...but I'm sure you know that.

Over the years, I've have looked for and found ways to let go of the pain from all the really bad shit I went through. I'm still working on those changes....that's the hard part. You (a general you) can't just acknowledge what has happened, you to be validated (that feels like humiliation at first) and then you have to learn to wear it in a better way.

Everyone that has addictions issues has mental pain....I mean, fuck, that's why we self medicate.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Thu Apr 03, 2014 9:44 pm

Yeah, sometimes I'm confusing if I smoked or just trying to hurry with a five year old who knows about a game on my iPad that works but doesn't on his.

Here is my life story, I don't have any skeletons, I'll just get it out.

I started life as my own man in emotional pain, it's nothing I can't deal with as an adult but I was still a child at 18 in many ways and I turned to drugs to numb myself.

I spent 12 years working for the same fortune 100 company, at the height of my career I was working remotely out of our Menlo park office inventing my ass off. I never stopped inventing technology. Last December I was awarded a pretty industry changing patent called "R15K M1t1gat10n T3chn0l0gy. (Rather they didn't know my life story, they will be monitoring this word) for work I did there. Somewhere after this work I knew I couldn't do opiated any longer, a friend had subs, damn if they honeymoon wasn't nice. So nice I didn't realize I was blunting my potential as a creative engineer.

I got into heavily technical shit involving Oracle, I did well but that's when the NSA and their war torn ilk got me fired. They broke into my computer and data warehouse at work to steal data, I pulled the alarm. I got fired for it. I was offered multiple jobs at the NSA before and after getting fired. In a small amount of time, I watched my mom almost die which triggered PTSD potential in me, then I had my home attacked, the first ten years of my digital life destroyed, I lost my grandpa working 100hrs a week, I never got to see him because I was worshiping money, the same way as those who fired me because the NSA made me a huge risk to the company. I spent the next two years questioning if it was the NSA or not, suspecting every person I know, I lost all of my work, I was trying to start my own company at home for two years, they fucking harassed the shit out of me as they mopped the floor with me on my own LAN. When I turned to writing music last year they would jump into my laptop asm blink the computer lights.

All of this happened shortly after becoming a father with a son who had colic 16 hours a night of deafening hell cries that get the cops called on you for being a bad parent type stuff. Not to mention post partum around here like the damn plague.

I guess things happen for a reason and now I've actually found enough time to give a shit about myself enough to be a lazy bum until I can get on my own feet again. *Shrug*
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby cheeps » Thu Apr 03, 2014 10:04 pm

now I've actually found enough time to give a shit about myself enough to be a lazy bum until I can get on my own feet again. *Shrug*


This is the acceptance I talk about....having the patience to out of the loop. A man's identity is tied up in work and that kills the emotional self. A strong individual has to stand up for 'self' and family....sometimes you miss the hell out.....but you can't let that stop you from tuning back in. 8-)
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Thu Apr 03, 2014 10:17 pm

You've got a great head on your shoulders Cheep, many of you were meant to help people. As far as humiliation, hell yeah, I've learned to live along side humility, I learned to feel helpless instead. By not judging myself for looking like a crazy moron, I never went public on most of this crap until I was comfortably who it was humiliating me and also (still) not have people thinking I'm crazy. (Thanks Snowden, and yes, that's when the harassment took a major step the fuck back.) You talked about validation, I had learned why it was that privacy is important! and first hand! and I went to high school with a Facebook connection of mine, he was right there asking me about my career aspirations right before and while it began, his company supposedly taking backdoor Cash from the Department of Commerces legal team, Huntington and Williams.) (Who authorized this fourth arm of Government?, who commands the fucking army again? Suits do? WTF!!!! Do you know easy it is to walk down that line of thought and get worked up. It's all about acceptance, integration, evolution of the heart.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Thu Apr 03, 2014 11:37 pm

I don't want to worship money ever again. That can mean whatever anyone feels comfortable with. The more you want money the more people become assholified. My survival plan consisted of reach out to art, to music, to trying to think, okay I'm not in control of my life but how about music. I don't know how that happened other than to say I was able to let go of shit loads of grief by doing so. I never knew what the following statement really meant.

The critic informs society, the artist informs the critic. I think in some way that sorrow guides the hopes of the country and a lot of it comes through music. I like who I am for the most part, I just want to finish making life comfortable and setting a child in the best direction if I can.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby cheeps » Thu Apr 03, 2014 11:52 pm

ExitWounds wrote:The critic informs society, the artist informs the critic. I think in some way that sorrow guides the hopes of the country and a lot of it comes through music. I like who I am for the most part, I just want to finish making life comfortable and setting a child in the best direction if I can.



That pretty much sums it up for me too Jason. I like that saying.

I've my share of volunteer work with kids...about 20 years worth, ten intensively...I have my grandsons now to play with.

They don't say "money is the root of all evil" for nothing. :gaah:
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:56 am

That's great man. I'm fucking terrified to ever have a kid again lol.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:01 am

I had a great job, with great potential, making good money.. I thought I had it all, working 70 hours a week, ripping people off.. I was broke and worn out, I walked and never looked back..

I currently have a good making ok money.. I don't have all the toys and perks society says I should have and I'm fine with that! I have all I need!

I have a 2 year old son, I will never let chasing money(or drugs) get in the way of being the best daddy I can be.. I now know what it means to truely have it all :D

We (me and you) think a lot alike, or so it seems..
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Fri Apr 04, 2014 10:37 am

Yes Dan, you understand priorities, I like to think I never lost sight of what was most important either.
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Re: The Truck's Out of The Water.

Postby ExitWounds » Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:40 pm

cheeps wrote:I've my share of volunteer work with kids...about 20 years worth, ten intensively...I have my grandsons now to play with. They don't say "money is the root of all evil" for nothing. :gaah:


Where was I before the roller coaster went under water. Yes, that's great Cheeps, I find the time I spend enriching the lives around me makes me form the most cherished memories, it's from somewhere in there in which my happiness is emitting. I am tired of the hurry up and wait for life to seem normal again, even though I know I have to figure out how that setting on the washig machine gets set in a sober guys life I know I need to practice setting the dial, my life just seems more dull, I know it will pass.
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