I just got back from grave site and she sends her love,,especially she said to celtic Tommy!I havent been out there in a long time,,and it still looked good except the butterfly i had hanging on a branch that went over her grave had fell,,and i had put two big artificial treeson the top corners of her grave and one of them fell,,,I talked with her while i worked and fixed some things,,i talked about you guys too,,and made sure she dont get jealous when i tell one of you i love you!,,but she understands
,,i love you all!
I think she has the best lookin grave out there,,after goin around it with brick,,instead of white rock like everyone else uses i filled it with a brown desert lookin rock,,cause she once told me she loved cactuses cause the never die,,and i should have already done it but im gonna plant some cactuses in there too,,I got alot of flowers planted deep in each corner,,then put up the garden lights and chain,i also have a little vase we liked and had foreverand attached that to the metal thing that has her name and stuff on it,,,but some dickhead in her family took it out.,,thats ok,,i told her today that just leaves a place to put my love in when i come to see her.
And her picture on the headstone is still hangin in there,,its such a good picture,,just a headshot with a great big smile that was taken somewhere on our drive to calif. and back,,and she looks like she had never used drugs in that picture,,and she wasnt,,well,,i found out later she was sneakin some of my sub!
,,and since she had been clean the sub made the trip a good one for her,,we had the kids and no problems all the way there and back,,we all enjoyed our one and only vacation.
I talked to her and didnt even cry,,i ask her to try and understand why i cant let myself think of her too much,,i do everyday,,but i stop before i break.
I also wanted to make sure everything looked good cause she is gonna have visiters today,,thats the only reason i left her there,,otherwise she'd be commin right baCk here with me as always.
Her ex husbads brother died and the family will all be out there so thats good,,cause afterwards they will go see her. The thing about her ex is kinda like me and frieda as far as our friendship bein uniqe. He was my best friend,,we always drank together,,he told me he'd love frieda till the day he died,,and he did,,in fact he died defending her name,,some asshole called her a bitch or something,,and doug,,(big dude),,drunk and didnt take to that so this punk ,instead of fightin like drinkin buddies do,,he went and shot him,,in front of his daughter!,,luckily that asshole got killed in prison,,cause he sure woulda died when he got out,,I was in prison at the time,,and one thing he always told me ,is that if aNYthing ever happened to me he would take care of my kids,,and his word was gold,,i went down twice(prison),and he was there if they ever needed anything,,he was uncle doug. Thats how special frieda was,,she has not only one man loving her till they die but two!! That says alot about that woman to me.
Anyway as i was leaving the graveyard i started noticing headstones that were hand made like mine,,alot of em,,but they were real old,,one that looked like fried'a died in 1800's!
Im the last of the crew still here,,and i think I'll probably take after my mom's side of the family and live a loong time.
Oh and i figured out how i want to go,,used to be sprinklin my ashes in the ocean cause i love the beach so much,,but i ,love frieda more,,and i cant afford to pay for a funeral and i dont want one,,and i think its pretty cheap to go with ashes way,,and i just want my daughters there while they sprinkle my ashes over frieda's grave. The cemetary people would probably get upset about that cause they wont get no money for a plot!,,Ha,Ha!I love the idea of goin out doin something wrong!!lol,,they can just sprinkle me there and put another one of thos metal deals with my name next to frieda's. I just thought of that today while i was out there and sounds just right to me.
love you guys,
I didnt get this down right haVING a pt. 1 and 2 so i'll put this under the other one too till i can get it all on one thread