Im loosing the love of my life to this "miracle" meds

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Im loosing the love of my life to this "miracle" meds

Postby Beautiful1 » Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:18 pm

My boyfriend has been on 8mg/2mg suboxone film and 2mg xanax a day for 12yrs at least.

I don't know what really got him started. He said it was after a surgery, for pain management. But I had my doubts because in the beginning of our relationship he was hiding it from me. And he would also go to the bathroom for literally 30min, 45min even an hour twice a day. I started thinking, maybe he is doing drugs, shooting... It was the strangest thing for me. So one day after he got out, I went behind him and found the white and blue wrap of the suboxone 8mg/2mg.

I'd never heard of it. Googled it and confronted my boyfriend about it and he thats when he told me the surgery story. But I didn't really believe him. One day, I don't know what started the conversation but he was telling me about "free ball". I ask what it was and he told me: "it's the best high you can ever have in your life. You mix..." I can't remember but I think heroine and something and shoot it I guess. I ask if had done it before or done heroine and he answered no. But the excitement and "intensity" in wihich manner he talked about it was telling me the opposite. I have never shoot needles and doesn't know anything about it. And maybe that's why he thinks I would judge him.

He is from Illinois/Indiana border kinda. From research I've learned that it's the area in the US with the worst heroine epidemic. So many people are heroine or prescription pills addicted so I suspect that he was one or the other at some point. And that's what has led him to suboxone.

We've been together for almost 2 years now. In the beginning it was great friendship and relationship. Started a year ago he has been dealing with very stressful family problems and slowly he started to change. He was the guy that I could argue with even when I was trying. He was patient with me, caring and kind. Now he get angry all the time, to the limit of rage. He argues with everybody everywhere. He is verbally abusive, had selfishness close to narcissistic behavior. He has fits of rage and scared me a few time by acting physically threatening. It's impossible to talk to him because it's never him but the world him wrong. He put is bad behavior on me,because I did something wrong supposedly. He is extremely paranoid.

When I met him he was splitting his film in 2 dosage: 1half am the other afternoon and the 2mg of xanax in the evening. A few months later, im not sure when, he was splitting the film in 4 and taking 4times in the day and his 2mg of xanax. Last, 2months ago, he told he that he start cutting his film in smaller pieces so that he can take a dosage every hour.
I have never done opiads so I couldn't see the signs of the addiction, even if they were fragrant. I started suspecting that he was abusing his medication because of all of those changes. He is literally a different man but every time I have try to talk to him it ends up with, I did something wrong to him and that he is the victim when he is the one victimizing me.

He is the love of my life but I can't help him. I feel so helpless I don't know what to do. He doesn't see a problem. But for me It's so bad the point that I am ready to walk away, for myself and him. Because it's unbearable and emotionally painful to be around him. And I love him to much to be a accomplice and unablure in his road to self destruction I love him too much. I can't and will not watch waste his life away. I will rather walk away from him.
What can I do? how can I help him? Can I save this relationship?
this is my last hope
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:17 pm

Re: Im loosing the love of my life to this "miracle" meds

Postby cheeps » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:07 am

Beautiful....walk away. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you cannot cure it.

He has to have a wake up call to change. If you write him a letter and tell him why...the drug could help him one day.

Try to stay on good terms but cut him off. This sounds mean but if you don't you will end up like Southern Girl. Please read her thread here.

10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper halted
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