It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby Lemming1 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:30 am

Hello Everyone,

It has been about 7 months since anyone has posted on this thread, so I hope someone reads my update. If not, it still feels good just to document my roller coaster ride. And a roller coaster it has been......

Two days ago, I celebrated 9 months off of Suboxone. I will admit to making a few mistakes with other drugs the last 9 months, but never once have i touched a single molecule of buprenorphine. And that is what my ultimate goal was. I have dipped into cocaine 3 different times. All 3 times, I came clean to my wife, and myself, to avoid any bad habits from forming. I really don't have an explanation for making those dumb choices those days, but it is what it is. All 3 times, I was at home alone in the middle of the day and something inside of me was looking to get out of my own brain for a little while.

I do still have a few beers on the weekend once in a while, but that is more of a social thing. I never drink at home or alone or anything. And to be honest, I have never had a problem with alcohol. So I don't have any qualms about having a few beers out with friends once in a while. Unlike a lot of addicts, drinking never makes me crave other drugs/chemicals. I keep the hard liquor to a minimum as to avoid a hangover. They are horrible these days and make the day almost unbearable. I quit smoking marijuana a couple weeks ago. So these days, I am as close to sober as I have been in over a decade.

Physically, I am in great shape. I have put on close to 30 lbs. Towards the end of being on Suboxone, my appetite was non existent. I didn't enjoy food, and I only ate when my stomach was yelling at me. Which was really only once a day, maybe twice. I was 135 lbs when I jumped and I now weigh in at around 163 lbs. Every single pound I gained was needed. I now have to tell myself NOT to eat sometimes. I just turned 33 years old 2 weeks ago, and physically, I am in as good a shape as ever. Even without marijuana, my appetite is great. I don't feel any physical withdrawal symptoms anymore. But that only changed about a month ago. Even 6-7 months after jumping off Subs, I was still getting sneezes, yawns, and chills a couple times a week. But they are all gone now. My sleep is amazing. 6-8 hours almost every night. It takes me less than a few minutes to fall asleep with no sleeping aids whatsoever. Trouble with sleeping lasted a long time though. So it is amazing to get a good night's rest every night. I will never take sleep for granted again. I believe it is the single most important part of getting healthy after a detox off an opiate. It is when you do the most healing I believe.

Emotionally/mentally has been a little different story. This is where the roller coaster comes in. In the beginning, I was going up and down with extreme highs and lows. Dozens of times a day. The "dives into oblivion" nowadays are not nearly as deep nowadays, but they seem to last longer. They come in these long drawn out waves. They used to be so noticeable, that I would be able to tell myself the moment I was feeling shitty that this isn't normal/natural. But, nowadays, the shift towards feeling bad is so slight, that I sometimes believe all the negative shit my brain is telling me. For the most part, by body makes the right balance of chemicals, and my brain receives them correctly. Then, all of the sudden, my world will just become a little darker. I hate my house, my clothes, my car, my past, my future, etc. It is always in these moments I start questioning all the decisions I have made. But I am getting better at noticing the shifts and waiting for them to subside. Plus, they happen less and less every week. I just make sure not to make any life decisions during these dark moments. Which has happened a few times. I can't believe how much havoc those little strips can wreak on a person's mind. 9 months off of a substance and I still am affected by it. That is crazy.

9 months Suboxone/opiate free is amazing though. I read my old posts from the first couple of weeks today and it is crazy how I go back and can still remember how I was feeling back then. So jittery, anxious, and just plain down. But these days I wake up anxiety free. If I don't have anything going on that day, I am able to just lay in bed and relax. That took over 6 months to happen. I used to have to get up and get moving, or the anxiety would be crushing. I feel a lot more calm these days, and people seem to notice. My social life is great. Other than my mistakes with drugs, my relationship with my wife is great. My brain is back to being quick acting and witty. I see a lot of brightness in my future.

So I hope someone can gain any bit of insight from my thread. I still get on here once in a while, so I would love to hear anyone's comments or opinions about my story or addiction in general.

Take care everyone. Stay safe and stay out of trouble.
Lemming1
 
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby cheeps » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:18 pm

Wow....that is such a great update....even the shitty part. Sooooo typical and you are astute enough to remember it's remnants of Freddy....only it's the depressed ass dragging beat up DEFEATED and now DECEASED Freddy..

I just have one question....Who SHIT out that eight ball in the middle of the day? :spank: :spank: :rofl: :rofl: :banana:

Hehehe...it's actually a funny picture to me....reminds me of the bad old days when we'd skip work, snort dope and sneak off to see the opening of star wars....only to find the boss there too.

There will be more times you will be tested. The feeling of a different reality is always lurking in the backs of our minds. All things in moderation but since I hate cocaine someone can have my share. No...I already did my share...I forgot. :mrgreen:

It's kinda hard to give up the stupid days at first but if you value the cool things you have now....it's so worth not going back. You sound great!

9 months is something to be very proud of! :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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cheeps
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby Lucy » Sat Aug 19, 2017 12:13 am

Thanks for sharing your story and journey here, Lemming. It really is a cautionary tale of just how long term suboxone (buprenorphine) use changes your personality and robs you of your humanity. I'm so glad you made the decision to detox from it before you lost even more years to the fog. Congratulations on your new life free of that poison. Your wife must be so relieved too. Hoping to hear that there's a baby on the way soon.
Reducing from 32mg. Dropped from 26mg to 16mg 8th July 2017. August 1st 12mg.
Lucy
 
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