I'm on day 25 off of suboxone cold turkey. Let's say 12mgs aday. I was on subs successfully for 19months. At 15months I lost my insurance and was paying out of pocket for my scripts and sub doc visits... $400 to $700 amonth ( sorry my addition habit never was this much, i was in the pain clininc and my doc gave me my pills and my insurance paid for them) my sub doc worked some stuff around to help with the cost...he found me a coupon for my script but I had to change pharmacies. The coupon helped alot but I was picking a few strips up a week. July 8. I took 8mg., we were getting ready to go out of town for a few days, I call the pharmacy to pick up my weekly amount. Pharmacy said I had to wait another day. The only reason he gave me was pharmacy decreption. I was so upset...I felt like I was back when I was an addict..I said NO MORE!!! First I prayed to God, "Lord I need you now to get me through this. I know u can do miracles and I know you will on me"..then I went to my husband, I told him what was going on and told him I'm done with this life...I told him to get me a few things from the store...immodium, high protein boost, and magnesium. I was already on an anti depressant and gabapentin...I had pain releviers also. The first few days (while out of town at a friends) were not to bad...I did smoke some weed for those days. (Never had a prob with weed...don't even really like it) The first 5 days I was wide awake. I wasn't tired just awake...I started wondering how long a person can go without sleep. Day 5 @230 am I started to have muscle spasms, so violently my husband was so scared. He didn't know what to do...I tried different things, nothing worked. I took a gabapentin (prescribed 2 aday, never took more than that until that night)and with 20 mins I was fine and ready for bed. Day 6 I took 2 valerian root at bedtime..2 for a few days the 1 for a couple then none. Mean while I'm drinking 3 boost aday even though I had no appetite or hungry. I knew I needed to nutrition to heal. And 3 immodiums aday...day 8 and 9 I threw my hubby a surpise birthday party. It was hard, I had no energy or motivation...I had to sit down alot bc I couldn't breathe and I was dizzy and tired...I can't believe how hard everyday task are during all of this....I felt like I just ran a marathon. He loved it and had no clue...he was thankful bc he knew I didn't feel good and I pushed myself for him. The weekend after that we went camping...I didn't even want to think about that task. But I did it...did I mention that it was the hottest weekend this summer with heat advisors...IN A TENT for 3 days....I did it...it wasnt great but wasn't bad. Ok so now I have been able to sleep most nights, I don't hurt and I don't really get hot flashes or cold sweats...I havent even needed a pain reliever , ( i messed my body up so bad, what works on other throws my into restless legs vomiting and sleepy....all before the withdrawls...I cant imagine what it would do if i were to take it for withdrawls.) I am doing ok my main issue, which I knew would be the hardest for me is my mind fuckery. I have always been a busy active person, (which is why my addiction took off ) I can't right now, I have no energy or motivation...I know there is a pill that will get me up and moving...I don't want a pill...when you go on suboxon here you have to do some intense learning with an addiction counselor. I learned so much about addicts. I know we have no control, that the drugs control everything. I learned so much about myself and I learned coping skills...I am using those on a daily base sometimes minute by minute. I was on 33 tramadols a day. Addiction runs in my family. I tried my hardest to stay away from anything that would put me where I am today....11 1/2 years ago my doc looked me and my husband in the face and said " this is non habit forming, you will not become addicted to this...this is something u can take 6to8 aday." 19 months ago I saw my life heading for heiron...I saw the streets and I saw the lifestyle to hold on to my addiction.. I tried everything to get off, I could only go 1 to 2 days. When I got on subs I was so mad! Mad at myself, mad at that damn doc, and mad that I was in this position...I thought I knew better, I thought Im not gonna be an addict when I grow up. Subs help me. I was able to heal and learn new ways and understand that it doesn't have to be oxys or this or that for your mind to love something so bad u may sell ur soul. I'm not mad for being on subs (well a little bc I guess I shouldn't have been on this long). I not mad that I had to come off the way that I did. I'm on day 25 and that is 25 more days than I ever had...it isnt easy but it isnt as bad as some posts...I knew on July 8th I was gonna have the biggest fight I have ever had and I needed to be ready to fight till the end. My end isnt here yet and i go in waves sometimes by the hour but i feel better today then yesterday and i know tomorrow will be better than today. Subs are not like any other narcotic...1 weeks and u will feel better...no u don't even get the withdrawls until then end of 1st week.my husband and I know we r in for a long fight...but a fight is what I'm gonna give...subs will not win...I'm stronger and smarter today...I didn't want to shard my recovery but all the post I was reading to my husband, I kept waiting for the worst day of my life...day 8 day 10 day 15...it never came...my husband said I needed to write this...to encourage others. Was I scared shit less when I realized I had to go cold turkey u bet...but I was tired of that life so I made a game plan I was prepared for the worst...I know it is scary and addicts want instant graditifation. I have found, driving with all the windows down blaring ur fav music gives off the best high...a high like nothing u will get on drugs...I have so many emotions now...I thought I loved my kids and husband, sober love is like no other. A sober life is like no other...IM not gonna lie some days are harder that others...but I'm on day 25...sober! If anyone is looking to get off know that it is possible. And it doesn't have to be a horror story. I'm writing this so to encourage others...Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who gives me strenght!
Last edited by Onanewday
on Sun Aug 07, 2016 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.