You speak the truth mistress Ellua!
Choices...fork in the road. It really is up to me. If I just keep away from it, I've got things pretty good.
Not money wise, but love/family etc. The stuff that matters. If I go the other way all of that will disappear pretty quickly...people's patience is worn paper-thin.
I don't want to diminish anyone's suffering from alcoholism, I was 12 long years trying to get off it myself. Shitting puking shakes sweats...a proper mess. Had to drink morning to night at the end, BUT for me anyway, it was kid's stuff in comparison to this.
The power and strength of the draw towards using again is off the fucking scale in comparison.
I don't lie, ever, unless to NOT do so would cause a bad outcome, like "of course your bum doesn't look big in that dear"
Shit example, but you get the drift. Now with this shit I will lie/have lied without a blink. I'm disgusted with myself.
I was even looking a poppy seeds today. Poppy seeds?? After the misery I went through just 2 weeks ago?
Its a FUCKING EVIL EVIL MADNESS. Too powerful for little old me on my own, I think.
I only have you guys to confide in, like I said. I think I need to bite the bullet and get along to the SMART meeting. Can't do this on my own, not at the moment.
Right, decision made!! Good!
Last Subutex 14th of July...FINALLY SUBSTANCE FREE! In recovery.