Freaky Fucking Friday!!
Except it was Sunday...
First things first, I'm not a Goddy dude - quite the opposite. No. That makes me sound like a Satanist, lol
I was in and out of AA for years, but I just couldn't get with the programme. Wasn't for me, good for some...
Right at the beginning of that though - before I would even admit to having a problem, some weird, weird shit happened. I won't say (spiritual awakening) shhh.... Fucking hate daft clichés. Psychic shift? Hmm, a bit too spooky for that, but it was enough of an upheaval for me to immediately go from being an active alcoholic, to removing everything but beer from my diet, and attempting to get sober. A HUGE change overnight. It was big, BIG I tell you!
Well, if that was BIG, yesterday was HUMUNGOTASTICAL!
I was just sitting on the toilet, reading a book, when every bad thing I'd done, every bit of hurt, every emotion I'd had or inflicted on someone else came roaring through me. From NOTHING to floods of tears, to quote someone's post from the other day, crying like a bitch! A good 20 minutes.
When it finished, everything was crystal fucking clear. The guilt was gone and I knew EXACTLY what I needed to do from now on.
No explanation. I don't even care the why's and where fores. I'm left feeling such gratitude, and I've already started working on what I realised. Nothing earth shattering mind you just what I should have been doing all along.
Really, if I don't fuck up again, I need never suffer through all this misery again.
FUCK!! This sounds so Christian, so Goddy, so AA PMSL!!!
PLEASE understand, I fucking HATE all that shit. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!
I just wanted to relate what went on, the FREAKYNESS of it, and how FUCKING CONTENTED it has left me.
N.B. no psychoactive substances were involved in the production of this earthshaking revelation! Ha!
Last Subutex 14th of July...FINALLY SUBSTANCE FREE! In recovery.