So I've been waiting for the breakthrough where I can get emotional. And this cloud stops following me. Btw seriously I'm numb to emotions. Haven't cried in years. Think from the years of subs. We'll for the 1st time wed and Thursday I was crying like a little baby. Confused Not sure if it was a breakthrough or just a sad moment n my life.
It really helps me tremendously to talk to people that's been thru this withdrawals and going into recovery.
Now If I may, this is a description of how my last day with my dog "Drama" went. He was 14 years old mixed
w/chow, pit, and lab. Wish I could upload a picture of him he was a beautiful dog. So again im writing this to vent and hopefully will be therapeutic for myself because I can't get this out of my mind!!?!. And still haven't figured out how to tell my kids.
PLZ keep reading
So I feed him 2 filet steaks, mac & cheese and a whole slab of bacon he ate it all, except a little Mac was left. He had nice full belly! Then we went to the beach took a lot of videos and photos. Then went home laid on the couch like pals together on our couch watching TV held my boy close! I called around for a veterinarian days before to do it at my house I paid a little less than $600 for the vet to come to my house and do it peacefully at home on his couch! As we Layed together. Seriously.
I lost my mind so bad that the vet went outside for a while crying herself, this is the saddest thing I've ever been through and I'm telling y'all I've been through a lot! ALOT! He was like my 1st son.
(Truly Mans bestfriend). He was with me close to half my life. As sappy as it may sound, he was like my 1st son.
It's been really rough for me. He was there thru my addiction and now helping me get thru this, especially the past 6-8weeks. U no chillin w/me thru the wds, walking, etc. Got a feeling that he helped me heal before he left. I'm Now Vowing to myself to never ever do an opioid again.
Now this is what is haunting me more than anything. They ****** up!!! They told me over the phone days before that they would sedate him and I'd get to say goodbye for a few min then give him THE SHOT - we'll they didn't, instead they gave him THE SHOT (gone n 5seconds) no sedation, no last goodbye. I didn't get to say goodbye no kisses nothing this is going to haunt me for years. On top of all that I then had to bury him under a nice blooming tree in front of my house. Hole was already dug. Bought a big a*s toolbox pillowed it up and had to bury him by myself. I had to take a lot of whiskey to get thru all that. It just *****! I try and think of the positives. I got 14 gr8 years with this dog. He'd ride shotty with me almost everywhere. He was and is irreplaceable. I Will Never buy another dog in my life. He was truly1 of a kind!!! Such a beautiful breed.
Any1 want to c what he looked like. U can see us onT-W-I.TTE.R Under "bostonloyality" just sayin. Sorry for venting. Just Hoping this helps me. Also Sorry if to detailed.
Now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my to boys 5 & 2 where he went. They were also very attached. Know I gotta explain heaven to them but Do I go as far as where he's buried?Any ideas?
PLZ help. I'm going thru enough with the kickin the Suboxone 11 days ago.