Almost Done Day 37 (Loooong post)

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Almost Done Day 37 (Loooong post)

Postby Cas » Sat Aug 10, 2013 10:00 pm

I used heroin and coke for about 4 years. Things finally got bad enough that I decided to swallow my pride and try methadone. Had such horrid side effects I switched to suboxone. I started suboxone February 5th of this year. I took my last dose of 2mg on July 5th. The dates lining up to 6 months on the dot was not intentional.

For the entire time I was on suboxone, I was not experiencing joy. I still craved needles. I had a constant mental battle happening. Heroin wasn't an option but I still loved to shoot coke, or pop some valium, get drunk. Ugh.

I guess I'll explain a little further. July 5th I was scheduled to get all four wisdom teeth removed. It was first thing in the morning. I usually would take my suboxone in a split dose with the first being closer to lunchtime. Something struck me as I woke up from the anesthetic with gauze filling my mouth and blood pouring out. Something on the lines of "There is NOTHING I will be able to do to make myself feel better now." I saw no point in taking the suboxone as it felt as if it were doing nothing anyways.

This wasn't the clearest thinking. It was a desperate act to free myself from this trap I found myself in. I hated being on suboxone. I knew things were fake. Music wasn't the same, hell, nothing was. I was determined to do this. Everything in my body was telling me to get off this junk. I never thought once I couldn't do it. Once it was in my head I knew I was going to take this to the end.

During the first 15 days I did use certain medications and substances to ease different symptoms. Some may be controversial, and all I can say is that what I've done has worked for me.

Pot .5-1g daily (maybe a few puffs in the morning then all the rest at evening/nighttime.)
Clonidine .1mg (right before my head hits the pillow)
Clonazepam 20x .5mg (took these over about 5-6 days, eventually it was too difficult to pick up on my bodies signals so I decided against taking more.)
Dextromethorphan 130mg (taken 3 different occasions throughout day 1-15)
LSD (taken about on a dozen different occasions from 5 days prior to quitting to day 15)

All I am taking now is clonidine. I also still smoke pot. Though I find I am so much less irritable than when I was on the suboxone that I'm not reaching for the pipe nearly as much. I guess I should also mention I use a nicotine vaporizer. I quit a 2 pack a day habit back in April with this little gadget and it's made a world of difference. But alas, the things that helped me the most were finding a great drug counselor, diet overhaul (no junk food, S&V chips excepted), lots of exercise and a healthy editing of friends. Oddly enough, no matter how hard I seemed to try during the entire time I spent on suboxone, I could never get organized. I would go a week straight just eating PB + toast with some milk. Nothing really mattered anyways. I felt the exact same whether I ate well, stuck to a routine or didn't. As soon as the withdrawals started, I found myself sitting around until it was unbearable, then just doing the right things (exercise, eating consistently and properly).

So being almost finished day 37, how do I feel? Sweaty Leaking palms 24/7, soaked sheets at 4am, restless hands/arms, energy runs out fairly quickly. Though despite these symptoms still remaining to this day, I have never felt better in my life. The four years I was using those drugs weren't all in vain. I've learned so much about myself and the world and now I finally have a clear enough mind to process it all. Life has true colour again. I gain happiness from simple walks. I am finally grateful again. I'll leak out my hands for the rest of my life, I'm never trading this clarity or this true sense of well-being for anything.

Thank you for reading my story. I apologize if it's disjointed or lacks all the information. I'd be happy to answer any questions anyone may have.
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Re: Almost Done Day 37 (Loooong post)

Postby celticpride4Life » Sat Aug 10, 2013 11:01 pm

Great story Cas! Congrats on your progress and I am so happy to see you came through it all with a new found perspective. I hate the way sub takes the edge of life because along with it, so goes the beauty.

If sweaty palms are your cross to bear than so be it :D
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Re: Almost Done Day 37 (Loooong post)

Postby jbehr » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:59 am

Vicodin 2011
Percocet 30-180mg Iv 2012
Suboxone/subutex 2 years
Jumped 4/6/14 skip method AND FAILED
Back on subutex poison tapering until April 15 2015 jump
Posts: 226
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:00 am
Location: wisconsin

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