So It goes like this ,
When I was about 11 years old I had some dental work done and was prescribed Lorcet for the pain . I quickly noticed that this made me feel AMAZING ! Even at this young age it was if I had found a key I didnt even know I was looking for , this was it ! Well I never looked back , I dabbled for years in my preteen and teenage years until finally I got crushed by the weight of a divorce and ability to obtain as many opiates as I thought I needed from an online source thats no longer around "thankfully" . I first tried to kick on September 9th 2001 , my habit at this point wasnt that bad in retrospect , I was eating about 8-10 10mg lorries a day . I went to a doctor who prescribed me a TON of librium and some blood pressure medicine and it was on these drugs that I watched the buildings in New York explode and collapse just as my marriage and many friendships were beginning to do . This detox shoulda worked , I really didnt feel that bad , I had plenty of librium to be comfortable , hell maybe it was to easy , maybe I just wasnt dont fucking my life up , how was I to know what else was in store , how bad it could really get ? Within a few weeks I was back at it , eating more than before , pushing the envelope . Discovered Oxycontin during this time , so I had a new friend . This one kept me feeling 100% for hours at a time ! So ofcourse I dove out deeper and deeper , starting to shoot , started doc shopping , became a poly-substance abuser , you name it I did it and I did it alot . I started taking subutex somewhere around this time , I would take it and then take enough Oxy or Smack to over-ride the sub then when I ran outta the good stuff I would suffer just long enough to make sure the Sub worked when I took it .
Somewhere around the end of 2004 I was real strung out and a friend of mine scooped me up and moved me outta the city I was living in and took me in . One of the many times so far my life was saved , she didnt judge just saw that I needed help . I started hitting the phones and found a methadone clinic and started down that road , long story short , I soon fell back into old habits and became a complete asshole , moved outta the girls house that saved my life right around the time an enormous hurricane hit our area . Everyone was uprooted , which turned out to be great for us users ... We started hitting up all these doctors offices in different states who were simply shocked that we were being prescribed 80mg of Oxy a couple times a days with Norcos for breakthrough pain , and ofcourse Xanax just for good measure . Everyone felt so bad for us displaced victims it was to easy for a junky like me . But this ran its course and I landed in a new city where I couldnt get anything at all , I found a sub doctor and started taking sub at the end of 2005 and have been on it daily ever since . I have kicked for a few months at a time here and there , but I was simply amazed by how horrible I felt the more time passed that I would end up back on it .
I hit my rock bottom about a year and a half ago . While on sub I started shootin H and within 2 days I totaled 2 cars and almost killed myself my brother and my now wife . I nodded out in front of someones house with a needle in my lap and a bag in my pocket and ended up in jail . Got bailed out quickly and went right back on sub but the good news is that I havent taken any other opiates since then . Ive gotten my dose down to about 4mg a day down from 24mg but I gotta tell you I am skeptical about being able to stay off of this drug , its so much worse than methadone , worse than just about anything out there just in its own big pharma different way . Im tired , tired of it , its bankrupted me , I dont have insurance so you guys know how much it can cost Im sure .
Im just frustrated like so many of you Im sure , we were all sold this miracle cure and now we are having to pay for the long term consequences which the jury is still out on all of those . I want off , Im gonna get off and I just wanted to start a short entry here today to help myself keep track of my progress . I hope it helps someone else out there someday too .
TOday I took 4mg subutex
Im also still taking benzos for anxiety disorder , somehow I manage to keep myself in check with those , but I want off of everything .
Looking for any advice on weening off of sub from this dose , any insight at all is appreciated !
Thanks so much ! This is a great site and I a very thankful for finding it and all of you !
~A Scared Canary