Day 5

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Day 5

Postby john2754 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:55 pm

It's day 5. No opioids.

I wish I knew more about bupe before I started it, but it did save my life. I'm grateful and hateful.

4 years of daily opoids. A couple years back I peaked at a 4 gram a day habit that did NOT get me high. No veins left. Abscesses. A 1/2 dozen CT attempts, never made it past day three. If you've seen the HBO special on tar, you've seen a glimpse into a part of my life. (albeit a secret part) This was my third long run, others were cut short by jail and prison. I'm grateful that subs were available to me, but I had no idea how strong it was, what the 1/2 life was, how hard it would be to get off.

The hardest part this time, not one person in my life knew I was using. Subs were great at first, I felt like normal. My business took back off and life was good. But as I've read here, I'm not alone, it was getting old. I started to taper within a month of getting on subs, I did it to have a little "cushin" between refills. Down to 8mg was easy, hardly noticeable. It took a year though. 6 months to get down to 4mg/day. 3 months to 2mg a day. After 4mg is was starting to get hard. Depression and lethargy were the hardest. I jumped off at .5mg a day, lasted 2 days and went back. I tapered down to .2mg a day and jumped off. Don't get me wrong, I was sick for the last month of taper, just manageable sickness.

I made it to day 2.5 after jumping off and was sick, not 4gram a day sick of course, but pretty dam sick. My doc told me that if I tapered down it would hardly be noticeable. Bullshit. After doing some reading, I decided to score some SAO and give that a whirl. One month of SAO. I lost control a little, started to like the pills, but caught myself. Tapered the SAO and jumped off. Made it to day 5 and could not work, could get out of bed, only to lay of the floor at work. (self employed, thank goodness) Jumped back on with SOA at a low dose (15mg hydro daily) Jumped back off.

I'm on Day 5, and I can do it this time. I can feel it. It's getting better.

4+ more years gone. I didn't loose everything though, thankfully. I know I should have asked for help, I should have researched subs before taking them. But when you've been down this road before and had help from all your family and friends, had 5 years clean. I just couldn't do it to them again. Not again.

I've done N/A and rehabs in the past. I never felt comfortable there, I gained some tools, I learned about myself, but I never really bought into it. What has helped me the most this time around is the forums. Reading other peoples misery and success has helped massively. Reading about other peoples CT tries takes me back to CT from 4g's, what that was like. I feel so lucky to get 2-4 hours of sleep each night. I feel lucky that I only want to kick my legs around for part of the night, not all day and night. I feel lucky that a hot bath is helping. I feel lucky that I can go for a walk and do some pushups.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know about PAWS, I know I'm not done. I'm not pretending that it's all over. But for the first time in over 1400 days, I know I can do it without any opiods.

thanks for listening.
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Re: Day 5

Postby Justjules13 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:17 pm

Hi John...welcome.
Coming off ANY opiate sucks...Its not just the initial physical shittyness, but the "now what do I do with myself?" anxiety that follows, that's difficult to deal with. I used Nerontin to get past the first few weeks of life without opiates.
I've also hid my addiction from friends and family...I got tired of hearing myself promice to straighten up, and I could just imagine how they felt hearing it yr after yr.
I'm glad you found comfort in forums...this place has been a godsend to me. I used NA too, but found it hard to buy into the whole program..
Anyway...congrats on 5 days. Use the NA mantra "just today I won't use" and bank a few weeks. Things get easier after that...but it's always a challenge!
Post often...
Jules
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Day 5

Postby dawny38 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 5:57 pm

Hi John Welcome and congrats on your choice to quit. I agree with you when you say the forums are helping. They help me a lot too. And the people here are just so good at what they do. Jules, Ratch, Emily, Dan. It's like a little family here. So yeah I agree with you there. There is one asshole that trolls around here giving his perfect cocky ass advice that you'll have to take with a grain of salt though. LOL I wonder if anyone is going to know who I'm speaking about.
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Re: Day 5

Postby Justjules13 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:03 pm

Lol....I'm betting your talking about BLOWEN Owen?
He's the only one I've ever put on my "ignore" list in all the time I've been here...thankfully I don't see his troll-ish posts any longer..
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
User avatar
Justjules13
 
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Re: Day 5

Postby john2754 » Wed Jun 19, 2013 6:30 pm

Thank you both for the words of encouragement.
john2754
 
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Re: Day 5

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:29 am

How you feeling today John? You know that Imodium can soften to jump somewhat? Are you using any comfort meds? The Nerontin really helped me this time...
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
User avatar
Justjules13
 
Posts: 5071
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:07 am

Re: Day 5

Postby dawny38 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:25 pm

Justjules13 wrote:Lol....I'm betting your talking about BLOWEN Owen?
He's the only one I've ever put on my "ignore" list in all the time I've been here...thankfully I don't see his troll-ish posts any longer..



Bahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa I JUST noticed this. LMMFAO/wish we could 'tag' people in here like on facebook. lmfao
dawny38
 
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Re: Day 5

Postby dawny38 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:27 pm

Too fucking funny. This is better than TV you guys!
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Re: Day 5

Postby dawny38 » Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:28 pm

Oh my God! Shit! I just realized I laughed out loud for real! I haven't laughed in so long. It felt kinda nice but not awesome but it WAS nice.
dawny38
 
Posts: 52
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Re: Day 5

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Fri Jun 21, 2013 11:27 am

You all are just way to hard on BLOWEN. He is not cocky at all and really gets in touch with what people are trying to say. I wish I were as smart and knowledgable about EVERYTHING as he is. Lol! Atleast he's semi chilled on the hole tree bark thing haha! What a tool.

I'm pretty sure I'm on owens foe list.. he only responds to my quotes not my direct responses. If this is true, I am on his foe list, I can die today a happy dude and feel as though I accomplished my goals in life.


Keep going john, good shit!
Sub free since 10-20-2012
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Re: Day 5

Postby john2754 » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:31 pm

Justjules13 wrote:How you feeling today John? You know that Imodium can soften to jump somewhat? Are you using any comfort meds? The Nerontin really helped me this time...



Thanks for asking. Doing better today (day 7) than yesterday.

I tried Imodium, larger lope doses a few times. This time I tapered down low enough that it was not necessary. I found that Imodium gave me a real unpleasant stopped up feeling, decided to just go for it. Although, today I was considering a normal dosage of it.

The only comfort meds I'm using are Ibuprofen and Valerian root. I ran to town to look for Tyrosine but couldn't find any at the local drug store, oh well.

Yesterday sucked. I don't know if it was worse than day 5, but it wasn't better for sure. lethargic as heck. like trying to move through taffy. RLS was more pronounced too. Still 1000 times better than CT from a high dose.

Today, day 7 is pretty good physically speaking. Other than a little GI upset. More motivated than yesterday, but still at about 10% of normal. I Slept almost 5 hours straight last night. That was pretty awesome.
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Re: Day 5

Postby Justjules13 » Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:00 am

I'm gonna be honest with ya...I jumped from low doses several times and day 9-13 were the hardest...(for me) ...but if you can white knuckle it thru that, you'll be ok.
I had the same reaction to Imodium. I felt too stopped up to keep using it, but it helped. Keep using the ibuprofen around the clock. Be careful with the Tyrosine, it can hype up your nervous system and make WD worse...so can coffee. You need relaxing things...hot baths, massages, valerian is good...so is Tryptophan to help sleep. If you have access to a Dr, try and get Trazadone to sleep and Nerontin to take the edge off...
Just get thru the next week and you'll start to see progress...I promice!
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Justjules13
 
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