only 3 ways to go,,prison,,or here,,or here
Sooner or later , one of em gettcha!
So Cal wrote:Search this Thread Thread Tools
this thread has a link to the very first of three forums ratch has done for us!,,the detox forum,,
10-05-2008, 09:19 AM #1
Tattoo Tommy"THE HARD TRUTH"
http://thedetoxforum.yuku.com/topic/607 ... Truth.html
Im gonna start a Tattoo Tommy thread and thought id start it out with a before sub picture.
10-05-2008, 09:54 AM #2
socal This is from 2yrs ago at a different sub site,,so instead of having to type it all over im gonna copy and paste what ive already done 2yrs ago=
Tattoo Tommy's Travels (pt. 1)
First off I'd like to say hi everyone, I really like this board and the people on it. I dont feel that I have to tread to lightly and I can speak my mind and thats really great! A group of honest dope fiends that tell it like it really is without a bunch of bullshit! Home sweet home! Just give me a bed roll, put me in a cell on the third tier and I'll get settled in and start tellin my story.
I'm fairly new to this typin stuff so I'm goin to have to do this in parts as Mirage did.
I dont really have time this mornin to do this but I wanted to get it started anyway.
Just a quick glance at whats to come, (foster homes, boys homes, juvenile det.camps,county jails, Calif. state prison, Arkansas state prison,and federal prisons, hosp., comas,and life support,) Oh yea my story also has the wonderful beaches of sunny So. Cal. where I grew up so there is some good parts in my story.
Presently i'm at two yrs. sub and think it's time to stop.I lost some brain function while in coma so I'm a little slow but yea, I think it's time to give up the drugs. I am no longer the hope to die worthless criminal dope fiend I used to be. At least I hope I not.
I'm 50 yrs old and I still aint figured it out,
10-05-2008, 09:55 AM #3
Mornin Guambaby,Lisa,and anyone else who may be wanderin around here.
And Lisa the rocket scientist comment really made me laugh cause as I peer through the herion haze of my past I can see some of my great ideas were not so pretty good, so no I didnt start out as a rocket scientist.
I started out as a fairly normal kid and growing up in the suburbs of LosAngeles in the 60's was great. Sandy Kofax and Don Drysdale pitchin for the Dodgers,the L.A. Rams, I remember sittin around the tv watchin mans first walk on the moon. Or layin on the grass in my front yard at night starin at the stars and tellin myself I'm gonna remember that night for the rest of my life.I dont know why that night in patictular but I've never forgotten that thought.
I also remember the Watt's Riot in L.A., My dad and his friend got drunk and thought i'd be cool to take me along and go check things out. I remember some of the buildings on fire and smoke everywhere. I had never seen a black person before and I was already scared to death by what I was seein in the angry faces and the fire and smoke and I wanted to go home!Now! So my dad stops the car and him and his friend start pretendin to put me out of the car sayin the jigaboos were gonna get me and cut off my you know what! They had me cryin by then but boy they thought that was hilarious. Yea, my dad was a trip, but I did some good partyin with him in the later years before he died.
Oh by the way I dont mean any disrespect by the word jigaboos, i'm just sayin what was said to me.
I've had all the racial shit I could stand in prison and I no longer have a place in my life for all that, I left it in prison where it belongs.
Anyway by 9yrs old I would clean my dads car for him so I could suck down anything that was left in the whisky bottles he had under the seat. My parents were both alkies and so was I. I just didnt know it yet.
By the time I was 10 or 11 I was goin to thrifty drug store every day to get my mom some cough syrup. I still remember it was tryminical and it cost $1.56. I dont know how I remember all that shit, I cant even remember yesterday.
I guess what she was gettin back then was like tussunex, and yes I know the sweet tasting dreams of tuss.
Things just fell apart and I could no longer fall asleep to the sound of the lawnmowers in a peaceful niegborhood and tell myself everythings gonna be ok. Moms kept a black eye cause she didnt have a roast ready for my dad when he got home at 3oclock in the morn. I slept with a readiness to jump into the madness and try to help my mom but I couldnt save her , our home or myself. I was taken away and made a ward of the court and put in a foster home.
Now is when I start gettin seriously stoned on anything and everything I can get my hands on.
Ya know,I'm gettin kinda tired so long story short. Wait a minute,maybe I'll just continue this later.
Oh yea Lisa, a rocket scientist I'm not but I did figure out that ya get more money robbin banks than 7-11s!
I figured that out all on my own! Aint I a smart sorry s.o.b.
10-05-2008, 09:56 AM #4
Mornin to all and I hope everyone is having a fine weekend.
I could go on and on with storys of my past but I think I'm gonna try and go the short version and finish it up this mornin.
First home was great. I found the benzos in the med cabinet and they found me od'd on the garage floor. I never could take just a little of anything.
Went from there to a boys home run by catholics and NOT a good experience but I wont even go there in case theres any catholics on board. I dont want to disrespect any one or their beliefs.
ok,next home I was in was 1970 or 71 I was 14or15 and drugs were everywhere! I found my foster mothers glass syringe and had me a great ol time. I tried shootin up EVERYTHING. Lilly f40s, lsd, wine,and I dont recomend whiskey as it does burn! The needle became my new route of consumption. From there it wasnt long till I stole a car and I started mixin in a little crime along with the needle.
My social worke became a probation officer and I spent most of my time in juvie and det.camps and I was released upon my 18th b.d.
From there I find heroin and the bar scene and fightin an stealin and by 19yrs old I said hell withit all and took a whole bottle of phenobarbs and chased em down with a bottle of thunderbird wine. I just didnt want to live anymore and it was touch and go at the hosp. but needless to say the doctors saved me.
So I guess I stayed clean about a week before i got back into the drinkin an drugin. In an out of the co.jail was the only time I stayed clean.
I od'd on heroin an hospitalized and put on dialysis as my kidneys shut down. A few weeks later they began working and so did I, right back in the saddle agin riddin that dragon.
A friend of mine hooked me up with her sister. She was already turnin tricks an I started robbin people and we lived in one motel to the next livin for the next fix. Then the unexpected happened. We fell in love, no more tricks, no more robbin,an a 21 day meth out paitant detox. Started dreamin of a new life and I even got a real job.
That lasted two days and started slammin again. Still in love so no more tricks and I continued to rob people with a bb gun that didnt work. I've never even owned a real gun but that dont make me feel any better about myself cause I could of caused some one to have a heart attack or something.
My criminal expertece is like something out of dumb and dumber. Someone stole my bb gun so I went back to everyone I had robbed before with a bag over my hand because they had already seen the gun, Once I even took the bag off my hand to put the money in it, oops, I have no gun fella so you can shoot me now! I didnt care, I needed to be put out of my misery.
One day we couldnt cop or didnt have the money or something and i started gettin sick so I tried drinkin a whole bunch of margerita, The next mornin I got up off the kitchen floor and out of my puke and decided I needed a new plan and I had driven for someone on a bank robbery before so I knew I could do that with just a note. So yea, thats how I become a bank robber. Someone stole my FK'in bb gun!
Anyway i was a polite robber at the bank that mornin, I stood in line and tried unsuccesfully to stop dry heavin while I waited my turn to give the teller my note askin for a withdrawl. As I was leavin someone yelled somethig so I hit the door runnin and tripped an fell droppin some money, then I get to my car(I didnt have a driver) and the SOB stalled on me!It was one of those wierd little forien cars called a Renault, anyway I was able to push start it(only way to get it started most of the time) Boy I was happy to get home that mornin, I told the ol lady it was a piece a cake but I dont think she believed me cause of the scrapes on me from fallin down,and I only had one shoe cause one of my dopey sandles flew off as i was runnin!(It became evidence when court time came)Anyway that went on for about a month, I never got much money, just hit one teller and go get a fix.
At night in our opiate dream world we would talk about how we were gonna get away and make all our dreams come true. I had already talked to a friend in Florida and things were set up for us, all we had to do was get there. I was just gonna do one more bank and we'd be gone.We had even went to a little chapel and got married a few weeks before.
Well ofcourse I got busted on the last one and I saw my new wife one time she came to see me in the co. jail.
All these years later I still wonder what ever happened to her. I went to prison for a LONG time and I filed for a divorce while there.
Man, I'm tryin to get to present day in my story but this is takin forever with my one finger typin skills. So I'm gonna have to get back to this later.
Are you there Gaumbaby? Is this bedtime readin makin you tired or am i to rude and crude?
10-05-2008, 09:58 AM #5
Ah, another wonderful day in the neighborhood! Not really as i'm still suckin on sub, but I have'nt got to that part yet.
Now where was I? Oh yea,sittin in prison, but i aint even gonna go into all that. One thing that still really amazes me is how ABSOLUTLY NOTING would deter me from using drugs!
I mean the first time I went i walked the yard for 7yrs before I made parole and I just knew i would never make it out alive. I saw a guy get stabed on the yard so many times, like tenderizing a steak or something. I heard the scream of someone gettin lit on fire in his cell, ya know, just wakin up everyday wonderin if this is gonna be the day ya get caught up in dumb shit and die. Anyway I made it and within weeks of bein released I'm using again! Even though i'm in a halfway house and one dirty ua and I go back. What the **** is wrong with me? So yea I go back two more times before i finish my sentence.
10-05-2008, 09:59 AM #6
Last time I got out i thought i had the perfect plan, I would use speed for 5or6 days then go to heroin for 2or3 days and get rested up and eat and stuff, I figured if kept it split up like that I wouldnt get hooked on either one. Of course that didnt work to well.
Then i tried a change of scene and moved to Arkansas. i got married and have two wonderful daughters who I love more than anything, except for drugs I guess. I hate to even say that and I feel like a low down piece of shit but it must be the truth as I've went back to prison twice in AR. behind using.
While in Cummins unit i went in a 30 day drug program then I signed up for a 16mos program at Tucker. I was really ready to quit and be a father for my daughters.
I got out and stayed clean for a year and a half. Then i found myself in the doctor shopping scene. once i broke my toe and I must've taken that poor ol toe to at least 6 different E.R.'s. Theres hardly a doctor or dentist left in this state who will see me.
Anywaaays, i'm about end this story. i ended up on life support for almost a month, survived it and started usin again and right back in the hosp.
It was then i was put on sub and i do believe i fall into the extreme catagory where it was needed BUT when I was about 6mos into it I tried to talk to my doctor about the possibility of getting off and his exact words were "YOU NEED THIS DRUG BEFORE FOOD OR SHELTER"!
Ok, It's been two yrs now and I've been goin back and forth with myself for awhile now tryin to figure out WHAT TO DO?
I've decided to try and get off. Hell, it doesnt feel good anymore. I feel like shit, and I run for the damn pill bottle first thing in the morning just like the old days. **** this!
in the last week or so I've went from 16 to 12 and today I'm goin for 8mg. Wish me luck! I'm done, TOMMY
10-05-2008, 10:00 AM #7
Thanks for your support,I apreciate it and i will post in the sub forum..This sub stuff is gettin strange, i mean I went for almost 2yrs without feeling the need to increase my dose but now after all this time i feel like I have finally built up a tolerance and I wake up almost dope sick and need 24mg instead of 16 and then I only feel ok in the morning, by the afternoon i'm really draggin. Seems to me if your gonna build up a tolerance it would've happened early on in the game? I dont know,that just tells me its time to quit.
I'm still at 12 and so far this morn I'm at 8mg and I hope I dont get weak like yesterday an do 12.
One good thing is I've not went the split dose route in the 2yrs. Thanks again for the welcome and support
10-05-2008, 10:01 AM #8
Oh yea, I forgot to add I'm not doin well on my taper. As a matter of fact I'm a complete failure as far as that goes.
Alot of things goin on right now like the possibility of divorce,maybe living out of my car or a pop up tent at the lake.That wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt so damn hot.Anyway i have all these excuses why I cant do it right now and i'm really pissed at myself for bein so damn weak.
10-05-2008, 10:06 AM #9
OK, just thought i'd share a little about my experience with pain meds and how it ended with a coma. In Calif. my doc was heroin and the thought of taking pills was like huffin paint compared to the real deal. But since then I have moved to AR. and thank GOD theres no heroin around but then I find out pain pills can be the real deal! Especially if you learn how to mix em! Couple of dees, couple of of dem, maybe a few of those, you know what I mean. Anyway I ended up doin that for about 10yrs, man, I used to hope i would get bad hurt just so I would get some good pills. Most of you probably know what thats all about, with the doctors, and dentists, and E.R.'s so i wont even go in to all that. I just wanted to share this part of my life in case there's someone here who does'nt know or believe how dangerous taking pain pills can be.
This one day in paticular,in March of 2004 begins just like every other day. I start by taking 8 or 10 methadone, then a little later somebody comes over for a tattoo and gives me 8 vics and I chase them with a few beers and I'm almost to that happy place. Some days I would take less but then most days i would most certainlly take MORE, which makes me wonder why this day had to be different and things go so badly for me?
The day went by alright then about 3am. I wasnt feeling right and I woke the ol lady up and ask her to help me get in a cold bathtub, that was my fix for everthing, kinda like ductape ya know? But as the sun comes up and three cold baths later, things are getting worse instead of better. I cant hold a cup of coffee or hold onto anything and Im starting to get scared, I dont know whats goin on around me, i cant think right, I cant get my body to work right, Im REALLY starting to get scared but I wont let my wife take me to the hospital, but she calls 911 and the paramedics come and by then I didnt know who my wife was, couldnt walk, i was gone. So off to the hospital I go.
This is going to be a long story and I dont have the time right now but now that I've gotten it started I will get back to it.
10-10-2008, 08:52 AM #10
Ok,,gonna add some more. Im not gonna re-read everything i wrote so some things i said may not be appropiate for this forum. Too much to read and it seems wierd posting something i wrote 2yrs ago.
I dont remember the first day in the hosp. Do you know those qt. containers you see on the wall behind the beds in ER.s? my wife said they filled those up twice with blood they got out of my stomach. I think she must be wrong cause thats alot of blood. I stayed here in this hosp a day and night and things just kept getting worse for me and they werent equipted to take care of me so they transferred me to another hosp. My kidneys quit working, liver, lungs, the whole nine yrds. so they put me on life support.
Now things get really strange cause I was concious, things were happening that werent really happening but I was awake in my mind and it was all very real to me.
The first thing that happened was I was looking up at the ceiling and I could see myself like I was looking in a mirror and it looked like I was in the same position laying there as if I were on a cross or something like JESUS was, I remember thinking I had 7 days to live, I dont know why 7 days but I felt like I had a purpose and i had to die in 7days. It was really strange and so real. A whole lot of things happened and it was as if I was wide awake but in reality I was laying there with my eyes closed with a machine breathing for me. There were alot of things that happened and i want to talk about all of it so i'm going to take it slow and try to write a little each day. One thing I want to say is that during all this I only had one experience where I felt calm and peaceful. The rest of the time I felt the most awfull terrible feeling i have ever experienced in my life! It was like torture and in my mind every minute was was like forever and all I could do was keep trying to get the tubes out of me and escape. When I did finally start to come around they had to keep me in restraints, so the torture continued. I have had alot of bad times in my life but nothing can even come close to this and so its just like I want to try and warn everone to please be careful with those ****in pills cause what happened to me happens to someone else every day.
ok, I'll try to get back to this soon.
Last edited by So.Cal.; 10-10-2008 at 08:57 AM..
10-10-2008, 08:55 AM #11
ok, as I'm laying in this hosp bed seeing and doing all these things in my mind i start to come out of my coma. When i do i start going crazy and they have to put me in restraints and put me in a drug induced coma. So there I am, back where I started, machine breathing for me, cant move or talk, and my mind wide awake. I always knew when they put the drugs in my IV, it turned my mind to jelly, like thorazine or some other crazy people med. One of the reasons I'm having such a hard time is because I'm going through withdrawls from 2yrs of methadone, loracet,and other opiates. At some point my wife told the doctors what was going on cause they didnt know why I was going so crazy so they started giving me a little opiate also while in a coma, that probably explains the one real peaceful experience I had but I'm getting ahead of myself.
These things are only happening in my mind but I remember thrashing around and screaming so loud that the doctor came in and said I was disturbing all the other paitients so they put more drugs in my IV. Then I was laying on my side propped up on my elbow talking to someone, and then I realized I was talking to the back of my head! Man, it was so strange, I was laying right behind myself.
Once I had this old Vietnameese couple in my room with incense going and like a bench with thier sons skull on it. I remember telling the nurse that the incense was bothering me and those people had to go. Then I felt bad and told them they could stay. They were like having some kinda service for thier dead son. Really wierd, skulls and incense.
Ya know what? I had SO MANY things happen that its just too many to talk about but I will tell about the one good experience.
In this one I was sitting in a wheel chair outside. I was very comfortable with a lap blanket and it was snowing but the snowflakes werent cold, they were warm and they felt just right. Everything felt just right, and there were Japaneese dancing girls dancing around twirling those whatever there called in the air. That was SO comforting to me after having all those bad, evil feelings that I had been experiencing.
Anyway I'm gonna have to wrap this up for today cause I have stuff I gotta get done this morning, so long story short the doctors said they see some brain activity as I start to come out of the coma. They didnt know if I had any brain damage or not till I come out of it.
I did have some mini strokes and couldnt move my left arm and leg very well and they had a shunt in the artery in my neck and I had to continue with dialysis cause my kidneys werent functioning.
when i got home i couldnt watch tv cause I couldnt get my mind to focus enough on it. I would either sit or lay down and just stare at the wall or what I did most was go sit in the car and listen to music and cry. Thats where I spent most of my time for a few weeks in the car crying for no reason in paticular. I just couldnt stop doing that.
Ok, I gotta go but when I come back I will tell how I started using again even after all that and how I got to where I am now and maybe I can help someone else do the same.
10-10-2008, 08:58 AM #12
Couple things I should add, my brother and sis flew in from Cali and sayed with me in the hosp, and before this happened to me my wife and I were on and off again sorta seperated and during this time she caught a sells beef. This guy gave her methadone if she would score some weed for him, anyway this punk was wearing a wire just tryin to catch other people up so he could get out of some trouble he was in.
So when i get out of the hosp my wife is getting ready to go to prison and I cant take care of myself let alone my kids so my sister comes to the rescue and my kids fly out to stay with her in calif. -A few weeks later i follow. I hate to leave my wife here but I was so messed up i surely would of died left on my own.
My sister is well off with a new house in moorpark, one of the safest places to live in calif.and my kids are lovin it.
at the time I was just feeling so sick I didnt want to be around anyone and I didnt want my kids to see me so at first i tried staying with my brother in BUENA PARK, about a hours drive from my kids.
One other thing I wanted to add is I started to take a few of my wifes methadone before I left Arkansas. Pretty crazy, I was just barely alive and scared to death to take anything but I did it anyway. I still felt like i was jonesin.
Ok, now my family is all spread out, my wife is shittin and pukin on herself in some cell in an awful arkansas prison and I'm so sick I think i'm gonna die. I really want to try and get my health back so I tell my bro i'm gonna try and ride one of his bikes.( He's one of of those long distance bike riders) he tells me no, just to start out walking around the block but i dont listen and made it to the corner before I fall and breack my hand! My sister came down that day so i could see my kids and she took me to the ER and they gave me a shot of demeral and that was all it took to get me going again. I took all my sister in laws vics that were in the house then took the bottle to the pharmacy for a refill hoping I wouldnt get caught, then I'm back on the bike to the ER tryin to get another shot and they will give me one but i have to have someone there with me, So i called my bro at work and he refuses, I go out to the parking lot and offer to pay someone just to say theyre with me! Damn, they had the shot all ready for me and I couldnt get it! Ther was no stopping me now, I went to two doctors offices on the way home and got prescriptions from both. Over the years i got pretty good at scamin doctors.
ok, things are not going well at my bros to say the least so i go to my sisters. Now I'm in one of those upper class hoods where I'm sure some of you live but I'm real out of place, but I'm with my kids and i'm tryin to get my shit together.
One day everone left the house to go to a baptism and when they come back i'm passed out from pills and rum. I felt so bad in my semi normal state that i needed something and i was just tryin to feel better but i woke up back in a hosp with charchol all over me from where they pumped my stomach. From there the state of calif invoulantarily admitted me to a psyciatric hospital for a 72hr hold for attemting suicide, thats what everyone thought and whether I planned or not i guess thats what i was doin. I mean bein in the shape I was and to take pills and start suckin on a fifth of rum, I just DID NOT GIVE A SHIT! i gotta tell you guys it really hurts to write this stuff cause man my girls! How could I do that to my girls?! I love them so much, How could i do that?! Thats about as worthless and lowdown as you can get. I gotta give this a break for now.
10-10-2008, 08:59 AM #13
thanks guys, ok, where was I?ah yes, the LOONEY BIN! It doesnt surprise me that I was there, what surprises me is it took so long to get there! During my stay I was told about sub. When I got out my sis gave me a kick in the butt and took me to a na meeting everyday whether i wanted to or not.
I kept thinking about what the doc said about sub, how there was opiate in it and it made you feel normal, but mostly thinking about the opiate in it.
At first my sis was against it, but everytime they would leave the house I would go on the hunt for pills. They say everyone has to hit their bottom but there was no bottom for me.
My sister has cancer(in remmision)and i love her more than anything but that didnt stop me from m finding and getting into her percs. I owe my life to her. At that point i had pretty much givin up but she never did. As I said in pt.1 I grew up in foster homes and all that and i never really knew how to feel that good feeling you get from the love of real family. It took 50yrs but my sister gave me that and much more. She gave me and my girls a living example of how to live.
anyway, she agreed to try the sub and I started to work on myself. The doctor said this is how a normal person feels and I honestly believed him. I had never felt normal before so how the hell would I know. I've been honest about everything else and I'm being honest about this too. I really thought I was normal. But that doesnt matter anyway, what matters is that i started making some changes.
First off I started going to church with my sister and daughters. I found the GOD that I had needed and I began to heal. I continued to go to meetings and I also started to work on my physical health. I lifted what wieghts I could handle everday, did what I could for my sis around the house, cleaning, yardwork, washing their cars, and i would walk 4or 5 mi. a day talking to GOD the whole way. I had alot of changes to make when I got back to AR. and I would run it through my mind how I was gonna do this and ask for GODS guidance and i would do that everyday till i got it right so when I got back here in AR. I already knew exactly what to do. Things didnt go as smoothly as I would have liked when I got back here but now i'm getting ahead of myself.
Anyway, I stayed in CALIF 8mos and i was ALWAYS doing something with my girls! During the week there was school stuff, after school I had enrolled them in cheerleading, art classes, drama, tumbling. I got involved in everything they did and on the weekends we were packing up the ice chest and goin somewhere. The zoo, disneyland 5 times,hollywood, ice skating at an outside rink they had set up in downtown LosAngeles,and of course my favorite, the beach! Malibu,santa monica,venice, seal, and huntington.
ok, i gotta go but you get the picture, I had gotten my life back better than ever before and when I come back to this i will tell how i tried to keep what i had and how i tried to change the world upon my return to my wife and home here in arkansas.
One more thing I wanted to add real quick is I am on day 10 of starting a new taper plan. I'm going slower than before and I have split the doses
10-10-2008, 09:01 AM #14
before i get to my return to ar. and how things got rough again , i want to speak a little more on the 8mos in calif.
Some of you may not believe in GOD and that is your choice, and as for me right now i dont cosider myself what you would call a strong christian, i cuss way too much and do other things that i shouldnt, and i'm just not connected the way i was then, but i was very in touch with GOD back then and i want to tell you my experience.
once i started doin my daily walks and prayer my whole life changed. Every time i turned around i was being blessed.
It was such a different feeling cause most of my life has been so screwed up. But now i was really happy! Things were going so great and i just knew something really bad was gonna happen, but it didnt.
I cant remember all the great things that happened to me at this time but as far as material things , i was blessed with two cars! That just blew me away.
My sis had a nice little camry that i used on the many excursions that me and the girls went on and i remember telling my self, boy, i sure wish we had a little car like this.
So what happens? My sisters son(my nephew)buys his wife a new vehicle and GIVES me her other one for christmas!
What kind of car was it? A camry! Just like my sisters that i wished i had! It wasnt brand new, but damn near and was valued at 10 thousand dollars ! I couldnt believe it, It was like, here ya go, heres 10 thousand dollars, you can have it, no big deal. My sister couldnt believe it either, she said he just dont do something like that. He wasnt a christian, I dont even think he believed in GOD but i believe GOD was involved in his decision to give me that car.
Some of you may not like me talking about GOD, may even be offended and i can understand that, i mean all those years in prison i was like the song says" runnin with the devil", while in there i only went to church once, and that was to tell a lie, I told the chaplain i was a 7th day adventist so i could get a special diet in the chow hall!
anyway im just tellin my story. at that time it was like EVERYTIME i turned around something great happened to me.
My sis said what a great dad i was and just sorta stepped totally out of the picture and said my house is yours do what ya want, it your responsibility, not mine. So i learned to do it all, i was mom and dad and i loved every minute of it.
Before we left i was givin ANOTHER car! Yep, my brother gave me a real nice thunderbird! I had to fly back twice to drive the vehicles home and each time my family loaded me down with MORE STUFF! It was like ok GOD, i think maybe your startin to over do it a little bit! I had so much stuff i got pulled over on the interstate in texas and they thought i had just done a burgulary somewhere!
Since that time we have driven that camry on a vacation to calif., and i just felt so blessed for just having the ability to load my family in the car and drive across country and have a REALLY good time! On the way back we did the painted desert and grand canyon and all that, it was such a wonderful time.
Another good thing that happened to me was i was approved for disability, its not alot of money but im happy cause i know i cant work at this time. I'm hoping i can get my health back enough to go back to driving a big truck over the road.
ok, i just had to tell how things in my life finally took a turn for the better. Hell , not better, Great!
I did have some problems when i got back home to my wife and trying to get her caught up to where iwas at. I mean while all this great stuff was happening to me she was sittin in an arkansas prison, and until you have experienced a backwoods mentality of an ar. prison you just dont know how screwed up that is.
Then i also had some problems with keeping the drug dealers from giving my wife drugs.
when i come back i will tell about how i stepped out of my comfort zone and did and said some things that are tottally out of charactor for me. It took some doin and i feel like i had to give up a part of myself to get it done , but im happy to say i think it is finally done and i dont have to worry about finding my wife overdosed on the kitchen floor ever again.
druggies are not allowed in my home and i dont think my wife could find anyone who would sell her any drugs even if she tried.
10-10-2008, 09:02 AM #15
when i got home i tried to make my wifes road to recovery my own. I tried to make her be in the same place as me . I tried to do it for her.
I made sure all our old dope fiend friends knew they were not welcome in our home. I told them about the changes i was trying to make, and how all that was important to me was my wife and children and having a good home for them. I asked these people not to give or sell drugs to my wife. i talked to them straight up and hoped they would respect what i was doing. But of course they didnt! They helped my wife to continue useing and they did it behind my back. man, i was so pissed at them. For a moment all my good , healthy , spiritual thoughts went out the window and all i wanted to think was f-ing someone up. i was really stressed. really bad.
i was afraid i was going to end up in jail over this shit. Jail is always in the back of my mind. I have been to prison so many times and i have more than enough felonies to qualify for the habitual criminal sentence(life)the next time i get arrested. They could have done that already if they had wanted to.
Anyway, i did some serious thinking and i knew i wasnt about to put myself in a position to be taken from my kids so i decided it was time to let go of a part of me and try to function as your average joe in society. So what would your average joe do? i picked up the phone and called the person responsible for selling my wife drugs and told him that if it ever happens again that i will do WHATEVER it takes to stop him and that included calling the cops! Well, this is such a small town that it only took one call and the word spread quickly. I was now a rat, snitch. I never actually done it, but i said i would and that was enough. So now im really messed up about it. All my life that kinda shit really mattered to me. I cared about what people thought about me when it came to that. So yea, i let that bother me for awhile.
But then i finally came to my senses! I mean what in the hell do i give even the smallest shit about what a bunch of losers think about me? They sure didnt care enough about me and my girls to keep the shit away like i asked them to . So now i really feel good about it. I mean that was a big step for me. I stepped away from the old me and started to try and think like your average normal person does and try and live as everyone else in society. And to utilize the things that are at our disposle to keep ourselves free and safe such as the police dept.
i have been the hope to die dope fiend convict my whole life but now i am totally focussed on changing my way of living.
If i could ever help someone on this board and offer some advise it be FORGET about your image and dont let yourself give a shit about what a bunch of dope fiends think about you. Care about those that care about you.
10-10-2008, 09:04 AM #16
Ok,,dont have anymore time this morning but still have a long ways to go if anyone is still reading.
10-12-2008, 08:14 AM #17
In this last post from 2yrs ago its strange to look back on it,,kinda sad actually,,,,my threats worked only temporaily and i guess the druggies realized i wouldnt actually call the cops on anyone and my threat was bogus! But it worked for awhile then they started sneakin around behind my back again! I wanted to break someones neck, but i have used up all my free passes and i can get life for any assault on someone(habitual criminal act),,and that scares the shit outta me! That happened to a friend of mine in Calif.
Anyway,,theres this couple here that were the main problem and since i wrote this 2yrs ago his wife died from methadone! And thats sad cause i really did like her,
And my wife is also on sub now. So some of the problems have changed ,,not went away, just different problems.
10-12-2008, 08:39 AM #18
I know what ya mean about the speed. I have no doubt whatsoever that that shit would kill me.
I never even got into that part of my story but me and the ol' lady been there , done that. The longest we stayed up once was 11 days and nights. I remember seein little trolls and lepreachauns partyin down by the creek that went by our house. I used to love tweakin like that. And the sex and fantasies was crazy! I'm glad we didnt do all the shit I would dream up, and I regret the shit that we actually did do.
I dont know how others feel but I believe speed is satans best tool. It's when I slam a good shot of crank I open the door wide and tell satan , come on in. I would do shit I would never do in real life. I hate that shit, but at the same time I miss it.
I would never eat or drink while crankin and a few times I really messed up my body. All my muscles would cramp up inside and man that hurts! I remember lookin down at my stomach and seein everthing all cramped and it looked like something was gonna ****in pop out like in that movie polterguist! Yea, I miss all the fun but I dont have to be a geniuos to know that shit would kill me!
Y'all take care now, ya hear, Tattoo Tommy
10-12-2008, 08:41 AM #19
Cant sleep and in the mood for story tellin time,,Its called "walkin the yard" the prison years ,
Im not goin to write alot this mornong,,just goin to get a start on it and come back to it from time to time.
Dont know if anyone is interested in reading this but it is a topic that arrouses curiosity,,whats it like in there ,,is it really that bad? Does it do alot of damage to the person incarcerated?
Im not goin to write about the younger years,state raised,and all that cause that deffinately did some seriuos damage and got me going on my chooen course in life.
Im gonna start with ost.8th the day i got busted for state robbery and bank robbery. Me and my wife (prostitute) who i loved dearly,,It was an insane life,,living from one motel to the next,,the next scam,, the next robbery,,no more trickin,,i loved her and put an end to that and took a job keepping us in heroin by way of robbery.Its wierd to look back on it now and wonder how could i have been that person,,but it went with the life,,i knew i was going to prison at an early age of 23 and i didnt care,,looked forward to it as a matter of fact.
I had started hangin with the older dope fiends fresh out of the pen and ended up selling heroin myself. It was like i was destined to be like them,,i wanted to have what they had,,i wanted to overcome my faers and go to prison and survive as a stand up dude.Someone you could count on to be there and back you up in life or death situations,,and now when i look back i didnt mean shit cause most of those guys i looked up to were phonies themselfes just playin the part and ran when the time came. BUT I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID.
oK,oCT.8TH 1980,,im busted and jonsin on the concrete floor BIG TIME.,,I spent a year in L.A. county jaail goin to court,,got my time,and im on the bus headed for Chino prison to be processed to decide where they would send me to do my time.I'll never forget lookin out that bus window and tryin to be a tough guy and feel no fear! But first time goin to prison,,the unknown,,your gonna have fear.
So they get us off the bus shackled feet and wrist and start walking us down the corrider,,and right then with my feet barely inside her comes a gurney and alot of commotion,,and they heard us into a little room for hours all shackled up. Turns out the guy on the gurney had just been stabbed!! ****,at least let me get to a cell and work on gettin a weapon of my own!!! I did have one thing going for me,,all those ol timers i was hangig withon the street were already back in the pen and they were there to help me with the do's and dont's. Man thing was racial,,that and child molestered,,those were at the top of the list to get killed if you could getto one out of protective custody.
ok, im gonna stop for now cause this is gonna be a really long story and i think your gonna be surprized at alot of what you hear cause along with the bad there was ALOT of good,you know what it feels like to be willing to die for a friend, or how it makes you feel to know he's willing to do the same for you?And the good times,,yes PARTYS!! Ive never had more laughs than when i did in there,,I know DW, will apreciate some of the crazy stories i have to tell after ten years in there.
Heres just an example of of some funny shit..Tattoos,,thats what i did in there..you probably know what a homemade gun looks like, but check out this brilliant idea i had. I made a dummy gun,,i got a rock from the yard,,some electrical tapr,, somes wires,,a pen tube and made it look like the real deal.
What i would do was whenever i was doing a tattoo i would have the dummy gun under my bunk with the idea that if the gaurd busted me i would throw the real gun under the bed but pull out the fake one and geive it to the gaurd,,and that happened,,that gaurd really didnt like my style and he almost ran with that gun to his office and imediately started typing my disceplenary so he could put me in the whole,,anyway while this is goin on the real gun is now safely stashed up on the third tier somewhere. So when he finally calls me down to sign the discenerry i start having fun,,i tell him i aint signing this!!He says why not, and i say cause you say you took a tattoo gun from me,,he's now red in the face!,I did he says! I said where is it? It was on his desk,and i say ooooh that ,well thats just a rock with wires hangin from it! WHAT!!!I say yea, i got tired of drawing so i thought id expand my artistic abilities, ya know,,im seriously thinking about tryin my hand at sculptcer,,would you like me to do your head???He's really fumin now and i think ive already done enough to his head so i go back to my cell and read my book with a smile that wont end!!!He couldnt get me in any trouble,,after all it was just a freakin rockwith tape on it..
Some gaurds cant handle the power they get over another humun being and it goes to thier head and they will go out of thier way to **** with you,,,after that my cell was shook down on a daily basis with him standind on my pillow dessrespecting me with a smile on his face,,but on the other sisde there were a few very good gaurd who just wanted to do thier time and get out.,One guy was so cool he would let me bring in people from other cellblocks to tattoo on them,,he would point for me and let me know if another gaurd was comming,,he was a really cool ol man,,he used to say if you guys wanna kill your selves go ahead but leave me outta it,,or better yet do it on my day off!!!http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/roll.gif ,
10-12-2008, 08:43 AM #20
ok ad a littlre at a time.yhry had determined i would be sent to Susanville!!! hellhell thats so far north its damn near in Canada!So my first course of actuion was that my back couldnt maks the long bus ride there,So they put me in solitary confinement and called i a hospital room,,my next bright idea was a food strike,,that dont work caues after three dayys the strap ya down and put this mush in a turkey baster a nd force feed ya ,,,alrught alright ,i broke,,i just wanted to be in a prison in the southern part of calif, so i could get visits and such.i married before i ot busted and the stste had bone yard visits but i never saw her abain after i got busted,geuss i shoulda let her keep trickin and left the benksks alone.Anyway susasunville was just tryin to grt thinge in order after having a riot ritght before i got there.i was only there a few months and got involved in some vilionce and transferred out of there to anotheer prison for anger m
athat was a joke ,EVERYBODY WAS ANGREnagnangment,MY EYES ARE GETTING SLEEPPY SO ILL BE BACK LATER!
10-12-2008, 08:44 AM #21
tanks sickerthanmost! with a user name like yours you'll probably really enjoy when i get to the part about stabbings,getting shot off the wall tryin to escape and the sound a person makes when they've been lit on fire!! you sicko you!!
10-12-2008, 08:47 AM #22
love you guys and im happy from what im hearing. I think you guys got some good commin your way,,when you try like you guys have been,,good things are bound to happen!!!Just wish it would hurry up and get there Huh??
As for my stories im glad theyre entertaining, cause i guess thats all theyre really good for. I dont see anybody benifitting anything from them ,but theyre even entertaining to me now,,although they werent at the time.
Sorry but cant write more today and its going to be a looong story,,lots of different prisons,lots of years and lots of things happened ,,but ill get back into it soon,
10-12-2008, 08:51 AM #23
2:20 am, Cant sleep,,state of mind is kinda is sorta screwed up so it seems the perfect time to talk about prison since I feel it has played a part in how my mind got to be how it is.
I dont remember where I left off in my story so if you'll excuse me I going to check my last post.
Well,Seeings how I woke up in a bit of a nightmare,,I think I'll just deticate to all the the bad nightmarish things I saw that I'll never forget.
First of all dont get me wrong,,I in no way am proud of the things that happened or were a PART OF. sOME PEOPLE USE THE "X-CON AS A BADGE OF HONOR" believe me when I say that IS NOT ME',
I am a bad person for some of the things i did,,,I did a lot of bad things to get my shot of heroin.
You know whats strange is the first couple times i tied heroin i didnt even like it! I'll never forget there was a guy living down the street came to my house and said he was gonna score and wanted to know if he could slam at my house,,,I said yea,,but then i closed all the shades and wouldnt answer the door!
But i kept trin till i loved heroin and i kept remeberin that guy wanted to give me heroin just to shoot up in my house!!
Ok, so now its all about heroin ,,do or die.there are soooo many good scams I came up with to score so I would have to start a knew thread.
This one is for prison,,so where did I leave off last?, Oh yea,,I was in chino and i didnt wantto be transferred to susanville so i went on a hunger strike,,that didnt last long cause they strap ya down and force feed ya witha huge syringe full of yucky brown stuff.
So , susanville started lookin pretty good!http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/pimp.gif , I just didnt want to go cause it was way up north and im from so.calif. where all my peeps are from.
Anyway susanville sucked,thef had just had a riot before i got there,,there was no windows,,where there used to be glss was covered with plywood. It wasnt that bad though.
Mow whwt I did next probaly alot of you people wouldnt approve of,,but ya gotta understand calif. prison is one of the most pegudice plays you could be.and your locked down with these people amd it fun. You gotta let these peple know wher e know where you stand right awwy.
Im covered with tattoo"sbut my first one was by far the stupiest.,,I got "white power"in huge block letters tattoo's on my back arms! so in effect I cut loose a whole grouop of peopl,,,But not just those people i hated evryone ,,i would like to point out thatthat these predgudicices that im decribing belong in a different place and a differant place..,,I have choaen to leave them in prison where thy belong,,,unless of course somebody cuts me off in traffic!!Only then do I release thr predgadice!!
10-12-2008, 08:52 AM #24