It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby Lemming1 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 10:30 am

Hello Everyone,

It has been about 7 months since anyone has posted on this thread, so I hope someone reads my update. If not, it still feels good just to document my roller coaster ride. And a roller coaster it has been......

Two days ago, I celebrated 9 months off of Suboxone. I will admit to making a few mistakes with other drugs the last 9 months, but never once have i touched a single molecule of buprenorphine. And that is what my ultimate goal was. I have dipped into cocaine 3 different times. All 3 times, I came clean to my wife, and myself, to avoid any bad habits from forming. I really don't have an explanation for making those dumb choices those days, but it is what it is. All 3 times, I was at home alone in the middle of the day and something inside of me was looking to get out of my own brain for a little while.

I do still have a few beers on the weekend once in a while, but that is more of a social thing. I never drink at home or alone or anything. And to be honest, I have never had a problem with alcohol. So I don't have any qualms about having a few beers out with friends once in a while. Unlike a lot of addicts, drinking never makes me crave other drugs/chemicals. I keep the hard liquor to a minimum as to avoid a hangover. They are horrible these days and make the day almost unbearable. I quit smoking marijuana a couple weeks ago. So these days, I am as close to sober as I have been in over a decade.

Physically, I am in great shape. I have put on close to 30 lbs. Towards the end of being on Suboxone, my appetite was non existent. I didn't enjoy food, and I only ate when my stomach was yelling at me. Which was really only once a day, maybe twice. I was 135 lbs when I jumped and I now weigh in at around 163 lbs. Every single pound I gained was needed. I now have to tell myself NOT to eat sometimes. I just turned 33 years old 2 weeks ago, and physically, I am in as good a shape as ever. Even without marijuana, my appetite is great. I don't feel any physical withdrawal symptoms anymore. But that only changed about a month ago. Even 6-7 months after jumping off Subs, I was still getting sneezes, yawns, and chills a couple times a week. But they are all gone now. My sleep is amazing. 6-8 hours almost every night. It takes me less than a few minutes to fall asleep with no sleeping aids whatsoever. Trouble with sleeping lasted a long time though. So it is amazing to get a good night's rest every night. I will never take sleep for granted again. I believe it is the single most important part of getting healthy after a detox off an opiate. It is when you do the most healing I believe.

Emotionally/mentally has been a little different story. This is where the roller coaster comes in. In the beginning, I was going up and down with extreme highs and lows. Dozens of times a day. The "dives into oblivion" nowadays are not nearly as deep nowadays, but they seem to last longer. They come in these long drawn out waves. They used to be so noticeable, that I would be able to tell myself the moment I was feeling shitty that this isn't normal/natural. But, nowadays, the shift towards feeling bad is so slight, that I sometimes believe all the negative shit my brain is telling me. For the most part, by body makes the right balance of chemicals, and my brain receives them correctly. Then, all of the sudden, my world will just become a little darker. I hate my house, my clothes, my car, my past, my future, etc. It is always in these moments I start questioning all the decisions I have made. But I am getting better at noticing the shifts and waiting for them to subside. Plus, they happen less and less every week. I just make sure not to make any life decisions during these dark moments. Which has happened a few times. I can't believe how much havoc those little strips can wreak on a person's mind. 9 months off of a substance and I still am affected by it. That is crazy.

9 months Suboxone/opiate free is amazing though. I read my old posts from the first couple of weeks today and it is crazy how I go back and can still remember how I was feeling back then. So jittery, anxious, and just plain down. But these days I wake up anxiety free. If I don't have anything going on that day, I am able to just lay in bed and relax. That took over 6 months to happen. I used to have to get up and get moving, or the anxiety would be crushing. I feel a lot more calm these days, and people seem to notice. My social life is great. Other than my mistakes with drugs, my relationship with my wife is great. My brain is back to being quick acting and witty. I see a lot of brightness in my future.

So I hope someone can gain any bit of insight from my thread. I still get on here once in a while, so I would love to hear anyone's comments or opinions about my story or addiction in general.

Take care everyone. Stay safe and stay out of trouble.
Lemming1
 
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby cheeps » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:18 pm

Wow....that is such a great update....even the shitty part. Sooooo typical and you are astute enough to remember it's remnants of Freddy....only it's the depressed ass dragging beat up DEFEATED and now DECEASED Freddy..

I just have one question....Who SHIT out that eight ball in the middle of the day? :spank: :spank: :rofl: :rofl: :banana:

Hehehe...it's actually a funny picture to me....reminds me of the bad old days when we'd skip work, snort dope and sneak off to see the opening of star wars....only to find the boss there too.

There will be more times you will be tested. The feeling of a different reality is always lurking in the backs of our minds. All things in moderation but since I hate cocaine someone can have my share. No...I already did my share...I forgot. :mrgreen:

It's kinda hard to give up the stupid days at first but if you value the cool things you have now....it's so worth not going back. You sound great!

9 months is something to be very proud of! :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby Lucy » Sat Aug 19, 2017 12:13 am

Thanks for sharing your story and journey here, Lemming. It really is a cautionary tale of just how long term suboxone (buprenorphine) use changes your personality and robs you of your humanity. I'm so glad you made the decision to detox from it before you lost even more years to the fog. Congratulations on your new life free of that poison. Your wife must be so relieved too. Hoping to hear that there's a baby on the way soon.
Reducing from 32mg. Dropped from 26mg to 16mg 8th July 2017. August 1st 12mg.
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby suboxalypsenow » Sat Dec 02, 2017 8:43 am

Hey Lemming, just got caught up here. Great inspiration and sounds about exactly what I'll be headed towards. Sounds like the anxiety upon first waking up will be a constant theme...

Any updates?
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby Lemming1 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:51 am

suboxalypsenow.....

Hello there and welcome. Im glad youve read my story and hopefully it helps you in some way. I have been meaning to come on here and update. So I am glad I know I have someone's ear....

I just celebrated ONE YEAR suboxone free. My one year anniversary just kind of snuck up on me. I suppose that is a good sign that I am not counting days or weeks anymore, but just months. I have not put one single mircrogram of buprenorphine in my system since I took the leap and quit subs. I will admit to other drug and alcohol use sparingly over the last year, and I even had a couple mistakes with opiates and other substances that I need to stay away from, but overall, I feel like I have succeeded in what I set out to do, and that is get off the soul sucking chemical that is suboxone. I do smoke cannabis/marijuana pretty much nightly on workdays, and daily on days off. But I just dont see it as a drug. I know some people would tell me I am not clean and sober, but I just don't care. It brings no negatives to my life other than cost. And $100 a month is not a bad deal to keep my appetite up and my sleep patterns normal. Marijuana is actually a beneficial factor in my life.

Yes, you are correct in your thinking about anxiety being the main theme when you get clean. It actually becomes your main theme in life for a while after getting clean. The first few days are a walk in the park as far as physical symptoms. If you have ever withdrawn from any other opiates, the first week of a Sub withdrawal is actually quite easy. But, even one year away from Suboxone, I just now seemed to actually lose all the anxiety. I just got on 10mg per day of Lexapro about 2 months ago. It has worked wonders as far as helping with the long lasting anxiety that has hung around from even before I got off Subs. It is almost like your body just doesn't know how to handle stress in any way. i believe it has something to do with seratonin and cortisol levels in your body. I am no doctor or scientist, but as a person very in tune with their body, I can feel my body finally producing the seratonin it needs, and with that my cortisol production has been lowered. Stressful situations, and/or worrying, doesn't create that electricity in your stomach type anxiety. A sort of fight or flight response. So in turn, my decision making process has changed for the better.

My relationship with my wife is really good these days. We are about to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary and 12 years of being a couple. This last year has had some HUGE ups and downs. It has taken a toll on our relationship, but now that I am feeling pretty good, we are back to being the fun loving, outgoing couple that we used to be. I truly don't know if I would be here alive and typing if it wasn't for her support.

It is weird going back and rereading my own journey/story here. I almost can't help but tearing up. I do feel a sense of pride. Most people who are never addicted to a chemical won't understand why I am proud for simply getting off a medicine, but as I look back, I can't believe the hold it had on my life, my emotions, my decision making, and also my physical health. I am almost 30 lbs heavier today than I was when I got off Suboxone. And as a 5'7" man, being 165 lbs is the weight I should be at. Just think about what that means. A legal prescribed medicine was simply disrupting my digestion and appetite so much, that I was able to gain 30 lbs without trying in a year just from eating normal meals. Suboxone is so bad for you physically and even more so emotionally.

So when are you planning on making the jump? How long have you been taking subs? Do you have a support network and plan to fall back on?
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Re: It Can Be Done.....First Week and Beyond.

Postby cheeps » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:53 am

Lemming....so good to hear from you...congrats on the YEAR!!!!

Here's your 12 naners, you earned every one!!!


:banana: :banana: :banana: :blowme: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:


Whoops...snuck a blow me in there but I don't think you'll mind! :lol: 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back & Neck surgeries
Oxy free 12/06/14
More surgeries 2016-17
2017 Oxy taper in progress
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