new here need some advice quick please!

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new here need some advice quick please!

Postby Lookn4happy » Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:22 pm

Hello everyone my name is Rachel i'm 28 years young:) I'll try to sum up my situation without telling you my life story I know some people don't like that. I have been an opiate addict for 11 years now. I didn't start because I was hurt or sick or anything. I started to use to self medicate. I've had a pretty tough life and not so great parents and never wanted to cope with life in my teen years so I would start popping pills and drinking. I ended up in rehab at 17 due to alcoholism and experimenting heavily with heroin. I thought the mess would be over. But when I was 19 I started to recreationally take some pills. Next thing you know I was hooked and sick without my daily dose of poison. I have two amazing children two little boys 5 and 6. I couldn't handle knowing I was being a selfish mother anymore so I got to the point of saying i'm done I checked in to detox was there 5 days came home and was happily on suboxone. That was March 4 2011. Well on June 25 2011 I got the phone call that forever changed my life. My brother was killed in a boating accident. He was 29 had a daughter 9 days older than my youngest son. We were best buds, siblings, the only support team we had growing up was each other. I managed to stay clean though everyone expected me to relapse and get back on the pain pills and drinking. But I've been relapsing here and there the last year. I take methadone on the weekends my poison of choice. I've been on 4mg of suboxone for the last 7 months. I'm super depressed. Especially after my brother's death. Here's where my situation gets sticky. I had a fantastic doctor he was a god sent. But my hubby took a job out of state so we moved in March. I haven't found a doctor yet due to missing open enrollment for insurance. So we've been buying it and having people mail it to us. It's gotten so out of control that we're spending over half his paycheck on my suboxone and we've gotten ripped off twice. I feel like i'm back in the lifestyle of being that "drug addict" I was before. I need my life back so bad. I'm currently out of subs and have nothing else. I'm terrified of the withdrawls. I know i'm not going to die but I have two young children to take care of and a household to run. My husband can't help much he just got this job and he's the boss and can't just take time off right now. How bad will it be for me? I know everyone is different, so just a ballpark I guess :?
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:43 pm

Welcome to ss. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, losing someone close is hard to cope with..

It is different for everyone, your right. BUT, one thing is FOR SURE, it can be done! Its mostly a mental thing, you can really make yourself feel worse pretty easily. Its not the intesity of the wds its the lenght at which they can last.. but again, everyone is different.. What r u working with? compfort med wise? Imodium is easy to get and helps some. Your young and being on sub is no way to live..

I'm a 30yr old dad who worked and took care of my son through the wds. IT CAN BE DONE!
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby Lookn4happy » Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:51 pm

You're so lucky to be free from the prison of subs! You must be a strong wise person. Thanks for the response. I don't really have much to work with comfort wise. I see people say all kinds of things to help (besides otc stuff) and I don't want to do that this time. All my other failed attempts to quit I used xanax, that was before being on subs, but I just slept a lot and took time away from my kids. I'll def get some immodium and melatonin to sleep or at least try. Last night was brutal. Maybe one hour. Was sweating tossing turning legs aching. And it's only day 2. :/And I sooo agree, I am way to young to live on suboxone!!! I wonder all the time how my body felt and functioned without artificial energy and if I woke up not sore like I do now every morning??
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby Lookn4happy » Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:54 pm

And you are right too about the length vs intensity even though it gets pretty intense! I'm a pretty damn strong woman but I will be honest like I said i'm on day two and i'm already super depressed and crying nonstop. I don't break down often but when it comes to this situation it's got me and I want to fight!!!
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby celticpride4Life » Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:03 pm

Welcome and sorry to hear about your loss, that is heart breaking. I cannot imagine losing my sister.
As far as how bad it is going to be, you may be surprised how easy the initial acute stage is. It is the insomnia and lethargy that gets maddening. But again, everyone is different and it is easy to psych yourself out and get self induced anxiety which makes getting off even worse.

I have jumped off from 4 mgs a few years ago and for me it was not that bad. After 60 days I relapsed due to pre (opiate use) existing depression. I should have sought help for THAT!

If you could get some clonidine or Nuerontin that may help you allot. Those two meds work wonders for me when detoxing. As Dan mentioned, what comfort meds do you have access to?
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby mynameisDAN82 » Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:05 pm

Wise?? No lol.. thanks though!

Sleep was the killer for me.. and rls, which kept me awake.. I broke at day 10 and got valium.. I was eating those and ambien, still didn't do much.. melatonin I still take to this day!

Its all about your attitude though! If your done, your fucking done and you give it your all. Next thing you know you've got a week clean, then 2.

Nights can be tough.. if you can't sleep, don't fight it! Watch a movie or listen to music. It can really become frustrating trying to sleep and not..

Just stay strong grl!! Try to keep your thinking towards kicking this subs ass!
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby Lookn4happy » Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:13 am

Thank you guys:)))
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby Eveleivibe » Wed Aug 28, 2013 4:37 pm

Hiya - I am so very, extremely sorry for your brother's passing. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Also I truly wish everything else in your life gets sorted. You deserve some happiness. Everyone does.
All the very best,
Evey xxx
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Re: new here need some advice quick please!

Postby Beeps11 » Thu Apr 23, 2015 8:55 pm

Hi there,

I'm new here and this is my first post. What an awesome site this is!

Have you tried l-tyrosine and a B complex vitamin for low energy? It really helps me on days when I can't seem to move. I hope I'm not telling you something you already know. If so, I apologize. Trazadone and ambien help with sleep (although not together, one or the other) if you can get them. Sounds like you can't get to a doctor so that's prob a moot point. I've also read that 5HTP helps with mood and sleep, but I haven't tried it yet. I'm still tapering; at 1.3mg, so I haven't exhausted all of my feel better options yet.

Smoothies are a godsend if your tummy is messed up. I bought a cheap blender and use frozen berries, etc and it has saved me when I can't stomach food.

Sounds like there is no way for you to see a doc? I know how hard that is too, I've been there. But if you could get to a doc, maybe getting back on sub and tapering, then jumping from a low dose would really make a difference? I know it's easier said than done. Sub just sucks.

Anyway, I hope you are able to make it through this without too much suffering! Withdrawals SUCK so I feel for you. Best of luck to you!
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