Scared to Death!

Old site died, wasn't salvageable, here's a maintained phpBB3 forum. Post about it here.

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:35 pm

Thanks Jules. I am pretty sure my symptoms wont be that bad, as I have had mulyiple days within the lsat few weeks where I have not taken anything..Getting sick here and there. I might ever so foolishly believe that I have been "Banking" sick days! lmao. I have detoxed pretty hard in the past, I am such a pussy when it comes right down to it. We shall see. Thanks for posting...I look forward to the little tidbits of advice. By the way, I have oodles of trazedone. Thank goodness! lmao.
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:53 pm

Oh no, I don't think the banking sick days theory is foolish at all. People who taper to a very low uncomfortable dose are getting a lot of the WD out of the way, IMO. Many are surprised when they jump and don't get "sick" like they expected because they have slowly gone thru it during the taper...
Glad you have the Traz...I think it's really helpful...
Your gonna be fine..
J
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
User avatar
Justjules13
 
Posts: 5071
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:07 am

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Thu Jun 07, 2012 5:11 pm

Im Gung Ho! lol Now to hurry up and wait. lmao. I was just on the Benzo sux thread...I am truly greatful that I am a junky and never took those meds as prescribed...Its a wonder that I never ended up dead from that, But I couldnt imagine those WD's. Fuck That. Did I read somewhere that you are from Amsterdam? lol now comes the pot questions....hahahaha. Im in Upstate New York. Saratoga, Lake George area.
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 5:53 pm

I live in Amsterdam but I'm from So. Calif. The weed culture is lost on me...I stopped smoking yrs ago, it just stopped working for me. I was never into benzos either...my history is of pretty heavy opiate use with a little coke back in the day.
Yea...I've seen this guys video before..I get weird muscle "twitches" when in WD..but nothing like this guys spasms..hope he's OK now..
Jules
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
User avatar
Justjules13
 
Posts: 5071
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:07 am

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby AddictAJ » Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:42 am

Hi there,

I've been following your thread although haven't posted till now..congrats on the decision to get off subs! You sound like you're in the right mindset to kick this things ass which is so to your advantage. :)

I was wondering how you're feeling now that you're a few days in with no sub...I also jumped off at about 1 mg in Feb...I was on 8-12mg for almost a year prior. It wasn't fun but it was doable, though many people taper MUCH lower like Jules & the others said to minimize the intensity of the acute WD. Let's put it this way - my son was about 15 months old when I jumped...I'm a stay at home mom...he's extremely active...but while I was very uncomfortable & tired, my husband never had to take a day off work because I was too sick to take care of him. That's not to say I wasn't miserable (because I WAS)! For me, the mental/emotional aspects were way harder to deal with than the physical, even with jumping at 1 mg. I hope you're doing alright & just know that if it gets to be too much once the full WDS hit, there's no shame in dosing a smaller amount & tapering from there! Sub is potent stuff..

So...I'm rooting for you! Let us know how it's going, k?

Strength to You

AJ
"The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now. Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

Sub-Free February 1, 2012
AddictAJ
 
Posts: 220
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:22 am

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Sat Jun 09, 2012 8:37 pm

Ah Christ. I got called out to do a pressure washing job yesterday, so I took 4 mg. I was high as a kite all day...But paying for it today. Today, I am back on track and havent taken anything. I sure hope that I havent screwed myself! Really doesnt matter because I have less than 4 strips left anyways, and I refuse to go to another doc or buy them off the street, so they are done. Just gotta keep on trucking along. Im not beating myself up about it though, I have had enough let downs in the past for that...Just gotta keep moving forward. Thanks for the reply. They really help!
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:04 pm

Im such a junky! I still cant believe the addict brain. The same brain that wants me to do well, help others, and succeed....Is the same fucking brain that tells me its OK to do some of this, or some of that! After all of the shit that I have seen, and been through personally...You would think that I would learn! Christ Almighty, I would have a lisence to practice medicine in a few more weeks if I had stayed clean!
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby AddictAJ » Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:26 am

Aww, please try not to beat yourself up or dwell on what 'could' have been! One of the hardest things for me to do was let go of the past & forgive myself for the utterly disgusting things that I did while I was using pain pills. Unfortunately we are different people when being controlled by our DOC...and we did/do things that make us sick to even think about when sober. It's like our brains are fighting with themselves - part of us truly wants to be clean while the other part just can't let us forget about the drugs. It sucks. But one thing I've learned is that the past is the past (even if it was just yesterday). We can't change it but we CAN change the future ONLY if we're ready to let go of the past (read my signature line).

I was afraid that jumping off such a high dose was going to cause problems for you. You still have those 4 strips & I suggest that you use them to taper as low as you can (I'm not a taper plan person but there are some pros here that can hopefully help) & then jump. IMHO, if you try to jump when you still have access to the sub (or any opiate), you're going to continue to 'slip' - one of the biggest reasons I'm still clean is because I have no way to get any pills. It's unfortunately part of the whole being an addict 'thing.'

I hope you're feeling ok & go easy on the self ass-kicking, k? You're in good company who understands what you're going through!

AJ
"The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now. Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." - Bill Cosby

Sub-Free February 1, 2012
AddictAJ
 
Posts: 220
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:22 am

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Sun Jun 10, 2012 3:18 pm

AJ, you are so Right. I have gone 48 hrs with nothing, and it isnt too unmanageable...But I dont want to feel anything! lol Im just like everybody else who doesnt want to feel W/D's. Im going to do my best to leave those strips alone. I want done with this. Cant work or take work, cause ima be sick. Cant continue to get subs to work....Its killing my fucking brain just thinking about the nasty cycle I have been in. I know one thing though, if it gets too bad, and I happen to take .5....Im going to be ok with it. Just keep moving on. Like I said, theres only 4 left....ItsIntheMail!!! -Thats for sure! Thanks for the post. This place really gives me strength. :)
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:12 pm

Hi I agree with AJ, slower taper, also we all have built in forgetters when it comes to drugs and trying to stay clean, it just plain fucking sucks. Try to do what you were doing before that seemed to work. Sub detox sux, and there is no easy way around it, or to make it go faster, don't we wish. strength and courage in whatever you decide to do.
Love and Peace
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
subster58
 
Posts: 2169
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:26 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:04 pm

itsInTheMail!! I absolutely refuse to buy any...Or to revert back to dope, pills, or patches. HELL FUCKING NO!! Here we goooo!!!
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:39 pm

good luck and keep posting
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
subster58
 
Posts: 2169
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:26 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue Jun 12, 2012 3:10 pm

Well, after a slight slip on Sunday....lmao I'll never learn..Im back at 48 hours. Im determined to at least make it till day 3..This will be new ground for me!! hahaha... Anyways, its coming soon enough, I only have 2 strips left. ItsintheMail...
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:11 pm

Consider it part of your LONG taper Mail. You will start banking more and more days between doses. How much sub did you take Sunday? Don't beat yourself up over it...it's a process and your moving in the right direction!
Jules
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
User avatar
Justjules13
 
Posts: 5071
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:07 am

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:52 pm

I took 3-4mg. Then decided I should go buy a 6-pack.....Then after 4 tall ones, I took another 4 mg. For loke a week and a half now, I have gone 2 days..Or quite close to 2, Then crashed and burned..In that order. Doesnt really matter though, I am as firm as firm can be about the fact that I will NOT buy any subs off teh street, and there is no way in hell that I will revert back to any other opiate. I have given close to half of my life to those fuckers, and I am done. There are better people that I am dying all the time from this shit...And I am no starnger to overdoing things. -Especially when it comes to opiates and benzos. Fentynal and benzos to be more precise. I should have been dead long ago...For today, I am determined to at least make it to day 3.
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:17 pm

Mail, congrats on kickin subsucker to the curb. You sound very determined and I believe you can do it.
Good for you
Good luck
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
subster58
 
Posts: 2169
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:26 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:11 pm

Furthest Ive been to date. 54 hours...Boy are the creepy crawlies in full effect!! lol Im drinking coffee brandy straight and you tubing shinedown and GNR....lol Here it comes! Im ready for this shit to be over.
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:35 pm

Well Day 3. I have finally broken new ground! lol Nothing new from yesterday, besides some slight craps and lack of motivation. I would have definitely been up all night if it werent for the seroquel. Gonna stick it out one more day. I am pretty sure that with my extremely high metabolism....I should be good in a week. We'll see!
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:23 pm

just watch out for freddie the Fucker who will scream in your ear to do anything, like get high, etc
My hats off to you, hope your good in a week. If you are that would be a record of all times, but you seem to be VERY determined. rooting for ya all the way
Tia
subsucker free 4-30-12
One Hour at a time
subster58
 
Posts: 2169
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:26 pm

Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:09 pm

Freddie did get me last night with the booze....But He really wanted me to take some sub. The booze allowed me to make it to day 3. This shit (Im hoping) is like methadone with the half lives and what not...If I am not completely debilitated at day 3, I know Im being a bit naieve here, but I am hopefull that it isnt going to be all that bad. I have had 2 weeks of not dosing at all for 2 days...Then dosing to 2-4mgs at the breaking point. Once was 8 mgs on Sunday. I am propably full of shit with my rationalizations....But we will soon see! It will be alot easier once there is no more subs about the house. I just gave one of them away...So, there is only one more 8 mg strip left. I have a ton of shit to do this weekend for work...So, if I need to, thats when that one will help out. I plan on not doing a damn thing for two weeks after this weekend(activity wise)...We'll see. Thank God for this place.
User avatar
ItsintheMail
 
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:58 pm

PreviousNext

Return to New Site!

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest