Scared to Death!

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Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue May 29, 2012 9:10 am

Son of a bitch. I havent been on in a few months, but I have really done it this time! I had an Incident, which found me with some Fentynal that I had hidden last year. I moved, and found the patch when going through some summer clothes. Needless to say, I used it. I came up positive at my Sub Dr., and that was it! Ba BY! No second chance..YOU ARE DONE! I have like 4 strips left and every Dr. around the Albany area of NY wants an isane amount of money to be seen. So, I guess I have no choice but to jump! The only thing that sucks is I cannot stand the pre jumping anxiety that I am having. Its almost like I can talk myself right into being sick. I am a real baby about being sick...Aggggghhhhh!! WTF? One good thing...I just bought an air conditioner! lol I guess Ill be pouring over this site in the weeks to come! Time to man up and get it done. Shit, I was able to kick 110mgs. of Methadone..... :banghead:
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue May 29, 2012 11:24 am

I think with the 4 8mg pills and the 5 8mg strips that I have left in the arsenal, I am going to wait until I am absolutely going nuts, and take like a "crumb" to manage...???? Anyone have any ideas? :gaah:
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Tue May 29, 2012 1:09 pm

What's your "normal" dose?
Your plan about waiting a couple days till your a little sick, and taking .25 every couple hours till your just out of the sickness, sounds good. You might have enough if you can get by with really low amounts...
If you CTed 110 mg Done, anything under 2 mg of sub should be MUCH easier....IMO.
J
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue May 29, 2012 4:58 pm

I was taking 8 mgs since x-mas....Recently just 4mgs(about a week). After calling Drs this morning, I cant believe how friggin geedy they are! $300.00 First visit...Want to see me every week @$175.00 per...BASTARDS! One secretary even snickered, like she knew I was had by the balls! I took 4mgs yesterday total, I started with2..Havent taken any today...Problem is, they are in my drawer, and screaming at me to take them out! lol Ill always be a junky like that. When I was doing dope, I could never leave a "wakeup." -I just wouldnt sleep till it was gone! Oh Christ, I dont want to be sick for weeks!!! Aghhhhh!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Tue May 29, 2012 5:23 pm

Itsinmail, so sorry for what you are going thru. My fucking MD started me out at 32mg, and fucked me like you.
Feel for you, everyone is different. Do you have any comfort meds??, not drugs, like immodium, clonidine etc.
Keep us posted, it does help, to get it out, for me anyway.
Love and Peace
Tia
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue May 29, 2012 5:29 pm

I do have a half a bottle of seroquel somewhere, as well as some trazedone for sleep, Thank Christ Himself!! I plan on getting some immodium, and hopefully I can get my PCP to give me some clonidine...Im not sure though, because he had me on zanax last year and...well...after I crashed the taxi I was driving and was on the news...I had to tell him the truth! lol The shit we put ourselves and others through. I have kicked propably 30 times from Dope/Oxycontin/Methadone....Its just all that I have heard about subs...and the crazy W/D times...Those Fuckers!!!!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue May 29, 2012 5:40 pm

I propably shouldn't have read Ratch's 1st 42 days he posted! lol I get queezy just reading it! lmao. Good thing is, I have just enough cash to pay my rent for another month, and have some left over for cigs. So, If I can come out of this alive and able to work in 2-3 weeks, I should be good. I agonize over the anxiety of not being able to work, and blah blah blah. Sometimes my head is my own worst enemy!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Tue May 29, 2012 6:44 pm

That "running out of dope" panic sucks...but if you've kicked oxy/meth and H before, I think you will be ok. I think not having access to it will help you in the long run. If your OK at 4 mg, try dropping it to 2 mg tomorrow and see how you feel....you can always go back up...
J
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue May 29, 2012 6:48 pm

I havent had any today..and dont plan to. Im on my way to bed. I will take2 mgs. to go see my PO tomorrow, and I have to finish staining a deck so I can get paid! Im thinking that I will take 222111.5.5.5.5.5.5.25.25.25.25.25 JUMP!!!!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby cheeps » Tue May 29, 2012 9:34 pm

ItsintheMail wrote:I havent had any today..and dont plan to. Im on my way to bed. I will take2 mgs. to go see my PO tomorrow, and I have to finish staining a deck so I can get paid! Im thinking that I will take 222111.5.5.5.5.5.5.25.25.25.25.25 JUMP!!!!


Sound good.....!! 8-)
10 yrs on methadone
Meth free 10/08
Back surgery 5/12/14
Knee surgery 9/19/14
Oxy free 12/06/14
2017 taper in progress
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Wed May 30, 2012 12:17 pm

I went 40 hours with nothing....I was able to sleep w/ seroquel. I woke up feeling like every cell in my body was "buzzing" -like bees or something! I know sickness...but this truly scares the shit out of me! I just did my 2mg alottment for the day..(New PO and work to finish), and I feel like a fricken failure! I do have a plan....as I stated above, but I think that will just drag it out. I have outpatient tx tomorrow...Then nothing till next week. I think I would be better off just not taking anything at all until I absolutely have to show up for something! I have checked alot of people's stories on here, and I havent found anyone who did it this way. I mean, go 4 days with nothing....Take a crumb to go out...Another coupla days with nothing...etc. I wonder if it could work, or if I am just prolonging the misery? -Not that I have EVER been able to do this...lol sounds good on paper...I want to pull a MAD MAX on a certain Drs. Office right about now!! hahahaha
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Wed May 30, 2012 12:43 pm

I feel so fucking guilty for doing that 2mg...I could have gotten away with 1mg...Anyways. its already done. Jules, I read in a post somewhere you said about taking a 2mg tablet and halving it till you had .5mg then having the powder into piles which gave you .25 mg. Would you tell me please what your satrting dose was...how long you tapered, etc.? You guys have no idea what a comfort it is to have this place to come to. Jules, Substrate, and MrCheeps! Thanks for being there! I came here before x-mas last year, and then promptly disappeared.. I promise that wont happen again! Thanks again for being here! I actually slept last night(off and on) but everytime I woke, I knew that support was on the monitor...Great feeling!!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Wed May 30, 2012 1:37 pm

I think your plan sounds great...wait until you really NEED some relief and take the lowest amount that helps.
The internal "buzzing" is a VERY common. Clonidine(the blood pressure medication)works best for that for me....but I would save all your "comfort meds" till you really need them after your jump.
I started on 12 mg after a LONG ass history of methadone and tapered over 9 months to .25mg and jumped. My worst WD symptoms where absolute exhaustion. I didn't have any nausea, vomiting, diarrhea,chills, sweats or any severe withdrawals. The "buzzing" was in my hands, feet and chest...I think it's the nerves "waking up" after being sedated for so long. The lack of motivation and being SO tired was the worst for me. I went 20 days and took 5-10 mg of methadone and felt reenergized. So...of corse it progressed from once a week to once every three days, to daily. My plan is to switch from 10 mg of methadone to .25 sub, taper that to .12 and jump again. I know I need to wait and be patient for the energy to come back....it always does...but it takes 30-60 days. I know this...I just was too inpatient to get back to a semi normal routine...and I caved. I'm a bad example of the right way to do things....I didn't get rid of my "stash" and I didn't have patience. Sub WD is not a horror show....it's doable. It's just a long slow tedious WD, and like most addicts, I want results NOW. I have no "comfort meds" and need to get some Clonidine thru a online pharm or regular doctor this next time. I find the "buzzing" scary too...although I think it's harmless. My heart feels like it's fluttering in my chest.
I like your plan...and I'm going to try pretty much the same thing. I'm going to try and kick the methadone without the sub...but I know how pain free the sub WD was for me, so if the methadone WD REALLY sucks, I'm going to a low dose taper and jump...
I don't know if you've been to NA meetings....but they helped me a lot too. I will go back to them after I get the dope out of my system....
Much strength and love...your gonna make it!
Jules
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Thu May 31, 2012 11:57 am

IITM, try not to beat yourself up so bad. I was one who would spike, then crash and burn, several times infact.
I know how difficult it is, but it can and has been done, and you can to. Try and stay with your plan. It will help alot.
wishing you strength
Tia
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One Hour at a time
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Thu May 31, 2012 6:55 pm

Thanks! :)
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:50 pm

48 Hours with 1mg.....Just taking it easy. Sticking with the plan!!! I cant wait until this shit has become an issue of the past!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby subster58 » Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:48 am

you and me both, as I've been told so many times is we never have to do this again. Once is enough for me I pray,
some fall, some spike, like me, but we keep on trying.
Your doing great
Love and Peace
Tia
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One Hour at a time
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:09 pm

Thanks! I actually went out to some appointments today...Bus trip home..Wasn't that bad at all! Im going to try .5 on Thursday! woohoo!!
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby ItsintheMail » Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:51 pm

Well, Im going on 28 hours with NOTHING. I think I am going to try this jump thing NOW. I am so tired of worrying about the last 4 and a half strips that I have left, and when the horror show is going to start! So far, I just feel a little uncomfortable.....Nothing that I cant handle. Now, down to the couch to watch me some NCIS re-runs. lol
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Re: Scared to Death!

Postby Justjules13 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:23 pm

I truly feel spontaneous jumps are WAY better than planned dates or the "running out of dope" jump. The full force of the WD won't hit till three-five days after your last dose...but don't panic, that fouth day is usually the worst and if you push thru, the physical stuff gets better. You've got "insurance" and a safety net incase it's too much, but I think you'll see the physical stuff is not that bad. Keep us posted...I think you will be able to do this. Do you have anything to help you sleep? Melatonin, a real hot bath right before bed, Benadryl,(if you have sore or restless legs, Benadryl can make it worse for some people) Sleepy time tea with Valerian. Trazadone works great and most Drs will give it to you because it's non-addicting. Let us know what your symptoms are as they pop up...
You can do it..
Jules
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Pills and IV Morphine- 1985-1999
Methadone maintenance- 1999-May 23,2011 (140mg, tapering to 10 mg)
Suboxone-slow taper to zero, very minimal WD (jump date 12/9/14)
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