Hi everyone! So, I have been reading these forums and I gotta say they are getting me through my current situation of detox. I am doing this on a phone so please excuse the errors.
I am 29 years old and a mom of three. I got addicted to perks when I was 22 years old and at that time only 2 babies. My brother got addicted and began dealing. I was working as a cna and going to lpn school at night while raising 2 kids. Well, long story short my brother left his bottle at my place and I was curious to know why people were doing crazy things for these white pills. ThenI realized it. Wow, I was going to work, getting hw done and having a clean house with 2 babies. Omg I had just took a miracle pill. (I thought). I kept it under control for years. No one knew but my brother. Then, my brother was shot during a drug deal. He lived but lost his right eye and got sent to rehab for a year. What was I going to do? I started feeling ill. I had no idea what WDs were. As the days passed I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the streets. The instant gratification came over my body. Time passed and I got worse. Way worse. I started using IV and doing any pill I could get my hands on. I was arrested April of 2015 for possession of narcotics. In 24 hours I lost my job as a LPN, I lost my kids and my family. I spent 30 days in jail then transferred to a rehab. I left the rehab as soon as I got there then back to jail I went. The rehab gave me another chance so I went back. After 3 months I was discharged for smoking. My kids were in my Grandparents care and I wanted them back more than life itself. This ugly addiction took everything I love away. It is crazy how a mother can love her children so much yet do this to them. I knew I couldn't stay in the area and stay clean. I moved 2 states away with my boyfriend. I started going to a suboxen Dr. It is now One yr later and I have decided to get off Suboxen completely. I jumped from 8mgs. Today is day 4. I have been keeping a personal diary. Here is my day 4 log.
I woke up this morning with RLS. I gotta say the RLS is the one if the top 3 Wds that I hate the most. The other two are insomnia and diarreha.
I took a Calm Support and muscle relaxer and went back to sleep. I woke up again with Rls and diarreha. Along with my runny nose and no energy. I keep reading other peoples blogs and it's scaring me to death. I know everyone is different but some I read say the worse is yet to come on day 5 and 6. My bf keeps telling me not to think about it but damn thats all I think about. I cant help it. Everything I do except sleep the fear, thoughts are in the back of my mind.
I keep trying to look forward. THIS WONT LAST FOREVER. I WILL BE SAVING 600.00 a month between Dr and Script. I WILL HAVE MY SEX LIFE BACK. Damn, I can't even remember the last time Ive actually wanted sex and having an organism. Suboxen stripped me of my life. Well to be fair I did when I got addicted but damn least I was a sex machine on opiates.
Did I mention I am going through all this and I have a 6 month baby at home? Yeah pretty rough. It's all worth it just for him too. I don't want him growing up with a mom HAS to take her pills to make her feel normal. I don't want him effected if I don't have my meds and I feel like shit.